I HATE kids...especially toddlers

[DammitJanet]

Well I guess I will change her name again. LOL. She isnt trying to be bad I know. Today she was pretty good with me. I had some errands to run today and she and Cory went with me. She got hungry and I got her a corn dog, said thank you very well and then she said "I am MaMa's Nookie." For some reason she will not call me grandma but she calls me Mama. She also tries to say her name as "McCantCant"....which is so funny.

I bought her a little princess nightgown that was on sale at Walmart tonight and when she saw it she went ape. She still cant manage to get her clothes off completely by herself but she was trying so hard and kept squealing..."it pwetty, it pwetty, it PINK!" When she got it on she ran over to me and hugged my legs saying Tank you mama.

So today she is on my good list.

 

[susiestar]

You are adorable with her. She sounds like a sweetie who simply needs some consistent parenting. I hope her Daddy pulls his head out soon and gives it to her. in my opinion there are a lot of kids who would not have been difficult children except for the fact that their parents waited until they were late elementary or middle school age to try to set boundaries and be parents.

 

[DammitJanet]

Thats what I have been telling both Jamie and Cory for years. If you dont deal with them when they are little you will never be able to deal with them when they are teens. Uhmm, I may have heard that my entire life...lol. My mom used to tell my father "if you cant control her at 6 how do you expect to control her at 16?" Problem was in my case, my mom didnt want my dad to parent until such a time that she wanted him to beat me. Talk about confusing!

Cory really isnt used to parenting constantly like he has to now. When Monkey was a baby either both parents were there or we constantly were. Plus she was an exceptionally easy child. She wants nothing more than to do the right thing.

I will never have to worry about her leaving the yard without permission because it just isnt in her. The new place we got is right at a park. In fact, this house is the last house on the road at the entrance to the park. From my front yard all she has to do take a left and she is in the park. We took her electric scooter over to the house last weekend and we told her she could ride it from our front yard over into the parking lot. She sat at the edge of my yard for a good 5 minutes looking both ways to make sure no cars were coming. Then she would just ride down far enough that she could still see me. At her age my boys would have been gone.

The baby is more like her parents. Definitely not an easy child. You have to stay on her like white on rice. I had to do that with my boys. I could never turn my back and I knew if things were quiet then something was wrong.

 

[BusynMember]

My feelings are that you still enable your grown kids and try to influence how they behave and moving out will help you stop enabling them, although you DID give them your house. I would never have done that, but we are not the same person. If Cory had barged into MY bedroom and screamed at me, he would have spent the night outside with his suitcase and the names of homeless shelters.

How they raise their kids is not really anything you can change. All you can do is enjoy your own life, which is seperate from your boys and the grands, and enjoy the grands w hen you get to see them. But in my opinion your life will be more peaceful, more serene and much better quality (your health too) if you stepped back and let your kids make their own mistakes. You can't control any of them.

Have a gentle happy day!!

 

[DammitJanet]

I realize that I am more involved with my grown kids than many people are. One of the reasons for that is the grandchildren. The only reason Cory returned to my house at the beginning of January was that the place he was renting was a victim of a home invasion. Thank heavens he had come to my house during the day that day and I was too tired to take them home or they would have been there and who knows what would have happened to either of them.

One of the main reasons we are moving out and leaving this place to Cory and Billy is that we are in a very safe area. Nothing happens here without someone knowing. I wont have to worry that the baby gets outside and wanders into the road because we are so far back from it a neighbor would see her. Not only that, we have so many kids toys and the swing set in the yard she wouldnt want to leave.

Other people may be able to sleep at night not knowing if their kids and grandkids are safe but we cant. I know some are worried that they will tear the place up but Cory has already fixed many of the smaller problems with the house. Right now he cant afford to buy sheetrock to fix the walls but that will come with time. Tony plans on helping him with that as Cory can afford to do it. There is no way we could rent this place out in the shape it is in but our plans had always been that if something happened to us that they would get the place. This land cannot be sold because it is heir property and belongs to everyone in Tony's family but because we have been here so long and paid the taxes on the land for over the last 20 years, Tony gets to decide who gets it after us. He has told everyone that it would be Cory. Jamie will never want to come back here and Cory will be the one to make sure Billy is okay. Yes that is an odd idea but it is what it is.

We do get mad at Cory (and everyone else) from time to time but we do still love him and want to see him safe. The fact that they will be paying us some rent will allow us to do this. Its also understood that should something awful happen to us we can always come back. If Tony got hurt tomorrow or heaven forbid, died, I would always simply come home. I will have a panic button with me at the rental and if something happens to me they will come. There is no doubt of that.

For some reason this little family is extremely close. We have our arguments and fights between us but when the chips are down we rally around each other. Dont forget I wouldnt be alive if it werent for Billy and Cory. Billy got me to the hospital and Cory fought with the doctor when they thought I had simply taken an overdose.

Tony will be over here at least weekly. Cory will come over to the new place to cut my grass so I dont have to pay someone else to do it. We also know Cory will keep this place cut. Cory is actually my clean freak.

Okay, enough.

 

[BusynMember]

Janet, I didn't mean to put you on the defensive. All I meant is that if you just let your kids parent their kids and don't get overly involved with that, you'll feel calmer and healthier. You can't force them to parent a certain way anyhow.

Your arrangement works well for you. Actually, the kids of my best friend (before she passed on) all live in one big house that used to be a church. It's gigantic! All of the kids have various forms of autism, mostly high functioning. The oldest one is very bright and has a wonderful job and will probably never marry. He is the head of the family and takes care of his brothers and sisters. Some work. Some work part-time. The girls will likely move out (younger two), but I'm not sure the boys ever will. They get along great and it's a very close family. Their father is in a new relationship and has given the house deed to his oldest son. The house is paid up so the kids just share the upkeep and utility bills. And everyone is fine with this.

The biggest difference is that these kids are ALWAYS uber-respectful to their father and were the same to Mom so, although Mom used to angst a bit that they would never be on their own, she also recognized that they had special issues and were good-hearted people and she did not have to get involved in their lives. They were high functioning enough to make their own decisions. Dad is peaceful in his choice as well. I can't brag about the oldest adult child enough. He is a real winner. Yet all the sibls right now do live together. I imagine if any marry and have grands, they will move in. One did marry. He moved out and I don't know if he moved back again or not but it is similar to your situation and it works!

My concern is your health from worrying about your kids and the grands. You provided a safe place for them and have done all you can for your entire family. May Tony and you finally have peace of mind.

 

[DammitJanet]

I wasnt being defensive MWM.

I also think there is a huge difference in parts of the country. If I had the knowledge that there were services out there to help, it would be a different story. The program you got your son into where he can get into assisted housing and all that sort of thing simply doesnt exist here unless you are so developmentally delayed you cannot live without full time aides. Group homes for that section of the population would never allow children to come over or for a person to work. We also have no homeless shelters. I just learned that someone opened up a soup kitchen but its only open 4 days a week for an hour a day. I have no clue how that helps because its not in an area that most folks can get to easily and we dont have any public transportation.

Now Fran was able to access some help for her son but it entailed her sending her son out of state and I dont have those types of funds. Also I dont think Billy is exactly like her son. Billy has managed to work himself up to manager of his store even though he isnt completely happy with the job.