I hate meeting with the teachers...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Chaosuncontained, Sep 1, 2011.

  1. Chaosuncontained

    Chaosuncontained New Member

    Carson (my ADHD wonder boy) is 9. Was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 4. Dad and I have joint custody of him and his two youngest siblings (our oldest is on her own and having her own awful problems). I have them part of the week, he has them the other part).

    Last year, right before school started Ex called and asked me if Carson could come live with me full time. Ex and his new wife were have morfe problems with Carson than they could handle. Carson had a BAD year in second grade. He spent A LOT of time in the "On Campus Suspension" classroom. So we tranferred him to my local school (Ex and I live 20 miles from each other). This school is very small. There were three 3rd grade classes last year. The school staff is very nice and easy (for the most part) to get along with--and they really try to help Carson, but they don't have a lot of experience with children this...hard. Last year he had to see the Principal at least once per week and had On Campus Supsension several (more than 4) times. He refused to do his work toward the end of school. He ran out of the building and hid from the school. He choked a boy, bit a boy on the nose, popped a girl in the mouth and tried to hit his teacher. He HATES the Principal, loved his teacher and really like his peers--but by the end of the year he had ostrasized himself from most of them.

    Today, my Ex and I have a meeting with the Principal, school counselor and his four teachers (yep, he has 4 this year). I'm nervous. This year they will be even harder on him. Expect more from him. He has changed medications in the last few days but all will take a bit (2-3 weeks) to get in his system so we can see results. He hates cursive hadwriting, Math and Science. He says it's too hard. He loves to read. LOVES it. He doesn't lile PE (he isnt a physical person). He's very small for his age and up until the last six weeks of school last year (when he was on Ablify) he was SKINNY. Now he weighs 60 pounds.

    This year is so important. I'm afraid he will fall so far behind (already he is showing a lot of defiance regarding doing his school work in class) that he will never catch up. I always worry that the school (I know at least one teacher that seems to feel this way) that this is all my fault. That I should have whipped him more or that I don't dicipline him at all. That I am a bad parent. And take it out on him.
    I'm afraid they will tire of trying to be accomodating (he is on section 504 has been since 2nd grade).

    I dunno, I know I'm rambling here now... But I really hate the idea of going before 6 people who CAN help me make school an enjoyable learning experience for Carson. I feel like I am on trial or something.
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Does he have difficulty all day or just the afternoon? Sometimes a supplemental stimulant helps. Hope the new medications really help. You'll do fine. DDD
  3. Chaosuncontained

    Chaosuncontained New Member


    It's all day. He can start his morning off wrong, just by getting up. Or the shirt he wants to wear that day is in the laundry room, dirty. His school days are not good. He doesnt do well, he is set off easily. One day they may have problems with him having low self esteem and saying "I can't do this, it's too hard" "no one likes me" "I hate my life". Then he refuses to do ANY work. He hides under his desk a lot.

    Other days he might be silly, trying to play in class, poking people (he says he's playing), disturbing the class really. When he gets home he is a tad better. He has a snack, does if homework if he has any. If he has had a "good" day at school he gets computer time (he loves!) if his day has been rough he doesn't get computer time. This can set him off. Doing homework can set him off (it's too hard, I dunno how to do it...).

    He also has GOOD moments through out his day. He had a peer help him in a "safe place" do some Math work a few days ago and his teacher said it went really well. He wants so hard to be like everyone else and have everyone like him--so he tries real hard there, sometimes to the point of "bothering" them.

    So, I dunno. We've had a hard time with medications. Seems like they all work for a few months, then *poof* they don't. He's been on Ritlin, Strattera, Adderall, Metadate and recently put on Intuniv. He's been on Abilify and now he is on Resperdone. He has had two therapists, a Psychiatrist and now has a regular doctor who specializes in ADHD/ADD/Mood DIsorders. He has been a BLESSING. We saw more progress in the last year than we ever have. We are seeing glimpses of the Carson who is trapped inside. More personality, able to control himself even better than last year (but still a while to go).

    What supplements are you referring to? We've never investigated this route before.
  4. keista

    keista New Member


    Just wanted to drop by quick and lend some support.

    Is the 504 only for ADHD or the mood disorder as well? I'd add the mood disorder in as well and start educating the staff about it. I have a meeting planned next Friday regarding DD1 with school staff including administration. Without proper medication support these kids will learn NOTHING from regular discipline tactics. one analogy i use is the stomach flu. Try as you might, you can't hold it in. Same with these kids and their behavior. Apply proper medication to either the flu or mood disorder, controlling the symptoms becomes a tad bit 'easier'. Hopefully the medications he's on now will help him control his behavior. If not, you go looking for others to add or replace.

    Welcome again. :notalone:
  5. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Red flag #1: "I can't do this".
    Schools take this as "attitude". In fact there could be dozens of reasons why in fact he cannot do what is being asked of him.
    As a parent - time to go hunting for more dxes. What else is happening? Why?
    Examples: motor skills issues, sensory issues (overwhelmed, so can't focus), auditory issues (not "getting" verbal instruction so lost in class), learning disabilities, etc. etc. etc.

    Red flag #2: medications. If the medications are not working as expected, then maybe they are treating for the wrong diagnosis.

    The older these kids get, the bigger the gap grows between school expectations and their ability to perform. This, combined with the insensitivity/cruelty of most kids who tend to at least exclude those who are different... and its no wonder our kids end up with self-esteem problems and mood disorders.

    Can you provide more details on the mood disorders? depression? anxiety? something else?
  6. Chaosuncontained

    Chaosuncontained New Member

    "Red flag #1: "I can't do this".
    Schools take this as "attitude". In fact there could be dozens of reasons why in fact he cannot do what is being asked of him.
    As a parent - time to go hunting for more dxes. What else is happening? Why?
    Examples: motor skills issues, sensory issues (overwhelmed, so can't focus), auditory issues (not "getting" verbal instruction so lost in class), learning disabilities, etc. etc. etc."

    I really think that he has a hard time remembering intructions, or that it is multipulcation and he doesn't or CAN'T focus and think about a problem long enough to do it. He doesn't have any other dignoses. Just ADHD and Mood Disorder. The Mood Disorder was dignosed last year while in school, when we started seeing his new doctor. He is very smart, was on the Honor roll (A's and B's). Read The Hobbitt at the end of third grade. His Mood Disorder hasn't been diagnosis as Bipolar but since *I* am Bipolar (medicated) and suspect my Mother is (unmedicated), it is in our family. His moods are MORE depession (not bad though--more "down" on himself) and he has anger issues. Gets upset easily. Cries easily. Yesterday a classmate had his binder by mistake (theirs were identical) and he started BAWLING and crying...was almost inconsolable, because his library books were in HIS binder. Later that night he bacame upset and angry, slamming his computer shut because he couldn't complete a level on an educational game. All of these things have actually been going on since he was 4. He was behaving more hyper than now: "climbing on everything, spray painting our washer/dryer at 3AM, bustin 18 eggs in his bedroom trying to *hatch* them and drawing all over his naked body with a fuschia Sharpie pen, and I mean ALL OVER!". He doesn't do things like that anymore. I can be talking to him about something we may have heard at church and he will interrupt "Mom, on Sponge Bob? His snail is named..." and be totally off topic.

    I'm rambling I feel I didn't really answer your questions...sorry
  7. keista

    keista New Member

    DD1 did that with black. I even took a picture, I thought it was so funny.

    He sounds a lot like DD1. The "I can't"s and the "It's too hard"s can also be driven by anxiety. When faced with even the slightest challenge, DD1 can fall into that as well, eventhough she's at the top of her class and in the gifted program - gets very frustrating, because we all know she's 100% capable and then some.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I can well believe he doesn't have any other dxes... but that doesn't mean he shouldn't have other dxes. To often, docs stop with 1 or 2 dxes... and in fact they haven't gotten to the bottom of things at all.

    Just from your last paragraph, I'm seeing signs of...
    - working memory problems
    - possibly some verbal processing or auditory filtering challenges
    - definitely some trends toward "aspie" (many kids are toward that set of issues but don't meet diagnostic cutoff)
    If there is THAT much going on... then what else is there that we don't know about?
    School isn't going to tell you.
    Usually, psychiatrists and tdocs don't take you down that road unless you are pushing them.
  9. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    His problems are NOT a result of your discipline style!

    It is way to common for a child's mental health to be blamed on the parents discipline techniques. Kids naturally want to behave. If he is not behaving it is not for lack of discipline, it is for lack of an ability to control his emotions, organize his thoughts, or a gambit of other internal reasons. This lack of ability to behave will exist regardless of how you discipline him. Over discipline techniques will only lead to additional fights, frustration and attentional outbursts.

    I would recommend you read Dr. Green's book, The explosive child. I would also recommend learning how to blow off the judgmental comments from people who are not going through what you are.