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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 631525" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Most of our difficult children here on this board are very immature. </p><p></p><p>And if they are using drugs, their forward development is completely arrested from the time they start using.</p><p></p><p>I estimate my difficult child is about, oh, say, 15, maturity-wise, and he's 25. </p><p></p><p>Immature people need a constant audience for their list of how the world owes them, and they didn't do anything to cause this, and I just need to relax, and I'm not having any fun at all, and I'm tired, and I tried applying for that one job and I didn't get it so I'll never get a job and on and on.</p><p></p><p>Lil, bless you, you have to somehow put a stop to this constant barrage at work. </p><p></p><p>And he is going to have to do something to fill up his time and start taking responsibility. </p><p></p><p>He does need counseling and then he needs a job and then he needs to keep the job and then he needs to pay rent to you, even if it's $20 a week. The only way to become responsible is to be responsible.</p><p></p><p>If he's using drugs at all, I would say none of the above will have a prayer of working. </p><p></p><p>If he continues like this, there won't be anybody who will house him for any length of time. That is how my difficult child ended up homeless. He couldn't make it anywhere, and finally, even his parents had had enough.</p><p></p><p>It's going to take a lot of "No" from you and husband to start the process. Clear, consistent rules that you stick to, and he is primarily going to have to get busy and stay busy. Also, refuse to listen to all of this "stuff" and just like someone else said, develop several short, clear responses that put a stop to all of it: I'm sorry you're in this situation. I"m sure you will figure it out. Good luck honey. Oh. Wow. That sounds interesting.</p><p></p><p>And then walk away. Giving this an audience is keeping it going. Also, there was a lot of manipulation in that email, and how sorry he is. If he's sorry, change the behavior. Talk isn't going to do it. He needs to start hearing that from you, in few words. </p><p></p><p>He needs to be busy outside your home, as I am sure you know, listening and being accountable to other people.</p><p></p><p>If he gets a job and then loses it, then he's SOL. And that's on him. </p><p></p><p>And if it's any consolation, this is exactly what my difficult child was doing about 4 years ago. It was never ending, exhausting and I felt like I was literally strangling. He never would stop. </p><p></p><p>It was substance abuse and all of the behaviors that come with it.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry. I feel for you. I remember those days. And they were awful.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 631525, member: 17542"] Most of our difficult children here on this board are very immature. And if they are using drugs, their forward development is completely arrested from the time they start using. I estimate my difficult child is about, oh, say, 15, maturity-wise, and he's 25. Immature people need a constant audience for their list of how the world owes them, and they didn't do anything to cause this, and I just need to relax, and I'm not having any fun at all, and I'm tired, and I tried applying for that one job and I didn't get it so I'll never get a job and on and on. Lil, bless you, you have to somehow put a stop to this constant barrage at work. And he is going to have to do something to fill up his time and start taking responsibility. He does need counseling and then he needs a job and then he needs to keep the job and then he needs to pay rent to you, even if it's $20 a week. The only way to become responsible is to be responsible. If he's using drugs at all, I would say none of the above will have a prayer of working. If he continues like this, there won't be anybody who will house him for any length of time. That is how my difficult child ended up homeless. He couldn't make it anywhere, and finally, even his parents had had enough. It's going to take a lot of "No" from you and husband to start the process. Clear, consistent rules that you stick to, and he is primarily going to have to get busy and stay busy. Also, refuse to listen to all of this "stuff" and just like someone else said, develop several short, clear responses that put a stop to all of it: I'm sorry you're in this situation. I"m sure you will figure it out. Good luck honey. Oh. Wow. That sounds interesting. And then walk away. Giving this an audience is keeping it going. Also, there was a lot of manipulation in that email, and how sorry he is. If he's sorry, change the behavior. Talk isn't going to do it. He needs to start hearing that from you, in few words. He needs to be busy outside your home, as I am sure you know, listening and being accountable to other people. If he gets a job and then loses it, then he's SOL. And that's on him. And if it's any consolation, this is exactly what my difficult child was doing about 4 years ago. It was never ending, exhausting and I felt like I was literally strangling. He never would stop. It was substance abuse and all of the behaviors that come with it. I'm sorry. I feel for you. I remember those days. And they were awful. [/QUOTE]
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