I HATE the Mother of this difficult child

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by nvts, Oct 15, 2008.

  1. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    You know, I've just about had enough. Call me "Harriett Hormone" if you want, but more and more I just want to STRANGLE this broad.

    difficult child 1 has been coming home since the beginning of the school year complaining about this kid Devon. Devon has kicked, hit, cursed, pushed, punched, tried to stab with a pencil and bite my son. To date the worst mine did (as per his teacher) was curse back, push Devon off him in self-defense and threaten him when being accosted.

    The Mother calls me and says that Devon's been coming home bruised and that difficult child 1 is hitting the kid. I advised her about the above. But see, I HAVE to be wrong because HER kid doesn't hit or curse. Uh-huh.

    Let's say it together, shaaaaall we? DENIAL!!!

    Yesterday, the kids bus is 1/2 hour late bringing them home. The bus pulls up and husband and I get the boys and the matron and driver call us over to the bus.

    "Your kids handled everything beautifully. They did nothing wrong and we'll back them up."

    What the Hell?

    Devon exploded on the bus, trying to hit my boys, screaming, unbuckling his seat belt, trying to run up the aisle, calling me (Beth) every word in the book (to antagonize the boys), etc. When he started calling me names, difficult child 1 got mad and told him to shut up. As he got more upset, difficult child 2 started to cry. Devon tried to attack difficult child 1 so difficult child 2 had to be restrained because he was going to kick the **** out of Devon who was threatening his brother.

    We apologized to the matron and driver (they looked at us like we were nuts - apparently they felt that we had nothing to be sorry for!) and went in and talked to the boys. I explained that I was proud that they only argued back, but they would have had a better time of it if they had just blown him off. That being said, I told them that the matron greatly appreciated that they didn't get rude or fresh to her or the para on the bus (the para is actually on the bus for another non-involved kid - she just stepped in to help out!) and that they kept their hands to themselves.

    I get them out to the bus this morning and there's a guy standing there - he's a run inspector from the city, he's going to observe the run. Apparently the mother called and complained and named my kids as 2 that are harrassing HER son!

    It's official. I can't stand this woman. I have now spent 3.5 hours talking to paras, matrons, bus drivers, 2 parents who have kids on the bus that want to make formal complaints about this kid, the school (the Asst. Principal and the Dean of Student Intervention) and city as well as the CEO of the bus company.

    I have to say it again. I HATE this woman.

    Thanks for letting me vent!

    Last edited: Oct 16, 2008
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Ooooh, that would make me so angry I would spit nails. I am so glad difficult child does not ride the bus anymore, that caused so many problems. We moved 4 blocks from the school, so difficult child either walks, rides his bike or is driven.

    Hugs, and hang in there.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Ya know, this type of parent grates on my nerves. And unfortunately I've met more than my fair share.

    I have never been one of those parents who believe their kids do no wrong. Please. Kids are kids.

    Kuddos for the kids handling it right. Major kuddos for sticking up for his little brother. :D
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Gee....anyone else wondering where Devon might get it????
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I'd hate her too! Will the Matron and Para straighten it out with the inspector? I'd tell the school and the bus company that you intend to file assault charges against Devon. And honestly, I don't think that Mama is in denial, I think that she knows full well what is going on and is trying to deflect blame before anyone notices what that stink is all over her son.
  6. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Shari: ummmm, maybe I can send you some target practice? Oh man, I didn't say that!

    Daisy: actually it was the younger brother standing up for the older guy. difficult child 2 is built like a brick poophouse! As a matter of fact, when he was 4 there was a 4th grader picking on difficult child 1 who was in Kindergarten. difficult child 2 saw it, shot across the room and it took 2 teachers to pull him off the bigger kid. He's a gentle giant, but DON'T hurt his big brother. difficult child 1 however, would give his brother away for a pack of gum!;)

  7. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    It's called "Not MY Child Syndrome" There is only one thing worse than a rotten kid and that's the rotten kid's parent who has Not MY Child Syndrome.
  8. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    So, I'm guessing no cameras on the bus? Might be a good time to push for one. Incentive for the school district and bus company is potential liability, i.e., lawsuit, from the, well, hmmmm, other mom. (What I really want to say would be soooooooo censored.)

    We had a student in our school district who's parents claimed he was molested by another child on the bus. He was on a sped bus, investigation turned up nothing, child has many issues including fabricating stories. Other students stated it was the student himself who was inappropriate to others. Our school district's solution? They put this kid on a bus all by himself. My friend drove that bus. She had to drop her elementary kids at school 15 minutes early, someone had to be at the school to supervise them on the playground, so she could go pick up this ONE student who was himself the instigator to avoid a lawsuit from HIS parents suffering from Not MY Child Syndrome. (And neither parent worked - they could have taken the child to school.)

    Not that it was a bad idea to have this one child by himself if he was such an instigator. Just the principal of it, Know what I mean??
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, dear, you don't need that. What a time waster, and a huge aggravation.
    I am so sorry. I hope I never have to deal with-anyone like that.
    Filing a formal complaint may be the way you have to go. See how far the bus driver can take it b4 you have to step in.
  10. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Parents like that need a big dose of reality.

    How did today go, have you heard anything yet?

    Sending hugs.
  11. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I am so sorry Beth. This must really stink.

    I guess I have to say I have a soft spot for difficult children with deficient moms. The kids are not to blame, but the mom..........and yet the mom is not to blame...........but her mom. And so on and so forth.

    in my opinion, the best you can do is educate this mother, and her kids, and your kids. Her kids are being our kids without but WITHOUT proper parenting. And that makes me really sad. This Mom is an adult difficult child..........and she has no idea what to do with her own difficult child other than be in denial and defend him, because no one has taught her any better.

    Can you befriend her in some possible way? Become her ally in some remote fashion?

    Sending many hugs, and lot's of prayers.
  12. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    OOf....been there done that and it hoovers. Hope she can get a rectal craneotomy soon. You really don't need this. I am glad that your difficult children handled things well.

  13. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    difficult child 1 told me this morning that Devon's mom called the school and was trying to blame him for everything that Devon is doing. I told him I was aware of that and that he had nothing to worry about. He told me that she yelled onto the bus that if "that kid" (and was pointing at difficult child 1) "touches my son again, I'm calling the cops". Mind you, this kid has been kicking, hitting, stabbing and punching (and trying to bite) my kid (adult witnesses) since the start of the term.

    I told him that a man with honor has nothing to fear from the police. I also told him that he needs to stop and think. "When are you NOT with an adult?". He stopped, he thought, "ummmm, never?". Right, "so don't worry". difficult child 1 has a 1:1 para with him at all times.

    I'm so sick and tired of fighting the system, now I have to deal with this ignoramus.

    Steely: you have so much compassion. I tried in the past to be friendly with this mom. Devon and my difficult child 2 were friends in their old placement (they aged out of the program together). difficult child 2 went to this kids birthday parties, I helped her with bussing issues and testing. She's very young (about 25 or so and Devon is 9). Her husband walked out on them right before the term started (which I found out from her when we talked about the hitting issues) and I thought we were on the same page. Ironically, I spoke at great length with both my boys after I talked to her and explained (of course without telling them what was going on) that Devon was going through some really, really hard times right now and needed a little room to work things out. THEY agreed to try and be his friends while keeping a physical distance. I spoke to difficult child 1's teacher and we had him moved away from Devon so that he wouldn't be blamed for these problems, as well as giving Devon some room prior to an outburst. And then she pulls this. I'm so tempted to call her and witch her out - but it would fall on deaf ears.

    I'm pregnant, cranky, tired, am fighting for help with difficult child 1's still untreated learning disabilities, I'm broke, difficult child 3's birthday party is this weekend, my house is a mess because I'm running around like a nut because of this witch, difficult child 2 was manhandled by a teacher in school (3 hour meeting on Tues with AP), my legs are swelling, my dad forgot about the party and went out to my neices family day upstate, my dog has gas, the fish have "ick" and the lizards keep staying brown.

    Calgon wouldn't take me away - it would spit me back!

    I feel better. Thank you for the rant.

  14. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I just have to share this story of an ignorant parent from our school:

    Duckie's kindergarten teacher is a real gem, she does wonders with all the kids and they truly come to love her. We parents sometimes refer to her as Mary Poppins. Duckie had a classmate with an extremely severe peanut allergy. He can't even be in the same room with the stuff, so no peanuts or peanut products were allowed for the entire class for snacks or lunch to ensure the health and safety of this vulnerable student. While it might be a bit of a pain to check labels and all, the parents genuinely understood that this was a health issue and their inconvenience was totally justifiable to ensure the student's safety. Except one parent. She actually ranted and raved that her and her son's rights were being violated because he couldn't bring a peanut sandwich for lunch. She made this teacher miserable and didn't stop until her son was moved to an allergy-free classroom. Frankly, the other class parents were happy to see her go. She made a lot of enemies for her callousness.
  15. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    TM, I have to ask why they don't take the severe allergies into consideration when making the classlists? I understand the safety thing difficult child has a very limited diet and pb is one of his few protein sources so it's a health issue as well.
  16. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I can understand that and would probably request a switch as well. But I wouldn't make a stink about it for weeks on end. I'd explain the situation as it pertains to my child and request a switch. No yelling at the teacher about it. FWIW, this teacher has a rep as the Epipen teacher as she generally gets the lion's share of kids with severe allergies. Her co-teacher generally get the rest. Really, it was the parent's attitude that was infuriating. It's sad because now her child has a 1:1 because of behavior issues and I don't think she gets a lot of sympathy now that it's her child with the issues.
  17. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Well, TM, from what you are describing, perhaps the behavioral issues are not necessarily because he's a difficult child. Maybe this is one of those times where the parent is truly the one to blame for the child's behavior. Sad to say it, but there it is. Sounds as if the same is true for DEVON. Sounds like the mother is a nutter!
  18. Jena

    Jena New Member


    I'm sorry i'm late to this. Ok i get it, she's young, alone, etc. still no right to do that ugh. I'd have a hard time if i were you not confronting her head on. your doing the right thing, but you already know that.

    you need to put the dog in a concealed room (gas issues), don't go near the nasty fish tank, get a cold glass of water plant yourself in a chair and elevate those legs to avoid the lovely swelling issue of pregnancy yuck, and take a break.

    i'm so sorry what a nightmare, i bet you can't wait for week to be over.

    i hope the birthday party goes over well even if your dad messed up date, i hope that pyscho's kids don't attack yet again, and you get a break soon.

  19. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ugh, pregnant and uncomfortable and a dog with gas, too?
    Those two would do me in right there!

    I'd make the dog some steamed white rice for a cple days ... no dog food. See if that helps. (Serve it at rm temp.)

    I'd be tempted to say to that mom, "So if my g'sfg are taken off the bus, who will Devon blame then?" :hellyes:
  20. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Doesn't this bus have a video?????? I thought that was some kind of law.

    Tell Devon to go eat dirt......then shove his face in a pile of it.

    (difficult child Star says with a smile)