"I hate you Mom!"

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jungleland, Apr 29, 2009.

  1. Jungleland

    Jungleland Welcome to my jungle!

    These are the words my darling difficult child has decided are cool to use nearly 10 times daily. I know, I know, somewhat typical bratty kid stuff, but boy does she know how to hit the nerve. You know the one, that Mommy nerve that is still raw from dealing with all the other difficult child-ish carp she is handing us lately.

    I have been in tears so much lately, I think I need an IV. Errrgghh! And now, yes, we have school refusal. Can this school year be over with NOW?

    At last week's meeting with-teacher, all agreed, taking Track away would be last resort, and only if she is also having issues in the track program. She is perfect in track, no brainer there!

    Behaviorist comes out on Monday. I have major mixed feelings, scared because I know behaviors might get worse for a while, relieved that we might actuall find a way to make this family stay together. Cause as it stands now, easy child and I will be leaving again very soon if things don't improve in the next few months.

    I can't take all the passive aggressive/full on aggressive behavior much longer. Poor easy child is back to sleeping with me, she is having nightmares every night now. Last night she said she dreamed a giant monster was trying to kill me. :(

    I reminded difficult child yesterday that if she touches me in anger, crisis team is called into action. She tried to debate the subject with me, I just walked away.

    School is a nightmare. Her attitude is so bad she got to spend yesterday morning recess with the assistant pricipal. Punishments don't seem to matter, rewards don't seem to matter.

    Some days it doesn't pay to get up! :mad:

    Sorry, bad several weeks. Going back to my corner now.
     
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Hugs... I know how this feels! Punishments and rewards seem useless. I don't know what will help... But I know the tears. And the frustration. And the fact that NOTHING seems to get through.

    I am glad she has track. The school seems to understand... difficult child 1 isn't even allowed on the property!
     
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry. been there done that. Wish I had some answers for you.
     
  4. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    I think the only way I can tolerate the hurtful things my girls say is to write it off as "verbal vomit", when the bipolar is stabilized they don't talk like this so I consider the hurtful words as a symptom of illness and try not to take it personally. When they say they hate me - I do the silly happy voice and say "I know but even when you're rude I still love you" which will usually get the little potty mouth to scowl and walk away but if they stay and continue this stuff I start singing the "you are my sunshine" song. The more you react the more power you seem to give them in this little game.
     
  5. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Jungleland--

    I wish I had some better insight for you....

    In reading your signature, it seems like difficult child is on an awful lot of medication. Is the aggression being helped by any of them...? or perhaps being heightened by them...? With so much in her system, it's hard to say whether you are really dealing with your daughter and her issues or side effects from the medications.

    Sending ((((hugs))) and cyber-support your way....

    --DaisyF
     
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Don't you dare go to your corner for this! I'm sorry things are so rough right now. I get the "I hate you" a lot. I know what you mean when you say punishments and rewards don't seem to matter. Hugs.
     
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    DO NOT apologize for being fed up! If you start, I have to go back and apologize, oh, about 4,572 times. Or something like that.

    And corner? For what? Only if its a nice corner booth in a little beach-front bar serving all the best for free! That's the only corner you need to go to.

    I'm so sorry things are still so rough. How is husband handling her this time around? Has he come around to seeing the light yet?
     
  8. Jungleland

    Jungleland Welcome to my jungle!

    Hi all, thanks for being here...again!

    Oh, I love the idea of a corner booth on a beach!

    Yes, she is on some pretty heavy duty medications, has been for a long time. I really dislike her psychiatrist, our County Mental health here hoovers big time. A new psychiatrist is supposed to be there soon, so I am really hoping for a good medication review.

    And yes, husband is stepping up better. I try to take a slight back seat when he's home, it does help me somewhat.

    Having a rough evening, bath/shower refusal. I stepped out of the room and let husband handle it, he did great. She really is in major defiance mode. Better go, gotta get crisis team on the phone as she is starting to get out of control.

    Thanks all.
     
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Vickie, sweetheart, remember to choose your battles wisely. The bath refusal generally is cured by peer pressure.

    I hate you mom has become a mindless scream ~ a habit, if you will. I'm trying to teach kt other endearments to yell at me because wellllll, nothing really hurts much anymore.

    I'm sure you're close to that point. Your difficult child is & always has been a "handful", a conundrum. I understand a unifiedlack of direction for difficult child very much. It can take forever to get everyone on track.

    You can only go to your corner if it's for refreshment (gin blossom ;)) or to take a nap. We want to see you out here playing with us.

    Take care sweetie. :flowers:
     
  10. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    When difficult child was about 7 she once said "I hate you all the way", so not just did she hate me - she hated me ALL THE WAY. They can be so hurtful and without any sense of remorse. It is frustrating and disheartening. We have a lot of that going on here. I wish I had advice to give - but I just wanted you to know that I really do understand how you feel and hope that you have a good moment soon.
     
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well...they will only hate you so long. Eventually they will want something from you and they will be all sunshine and roses. It goes in cycles. When they get close to 18 and start figuring out they might have to move out and get a job...oh...then you become the best mom in the world...lol.
     
  12. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Arrrrgh.
    Must be going around. My difficult child is doing the same thing. Last night he lectured me on what a crummy mom I am because I never give him his allowance and I get grumpy when he gets angry (Therefore, he concludes I am bipolar. Whatever).
    Yup. I win the Crummy Mom of the Year Award.

    I hear you. It hurts. These kids want to hit a nerve, but they have no idea how deep and long lasting it is.

    I am so sorry. Just know that you are not alone.
     
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