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I have a guilty conscience
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 408743" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>No way will my kids watch wrestling or play that game. I am very picky about that stuff. I really don't care if they see naked people as that is a natural part of life. I do insist that sex is presented in a married realtionship or we have lots of talks about it. I DO mind violence in a HUGE way. In a setting of the good guys solving the crime and busting the bad guys it is okay with age approp limits, but otherwise it just isn't happening.</p><p> </p><p>My husband gave me the "they won't be able to talk to the other kids fi they don't watch what everyone is watching" **** and I said that was a GOOD thing as they didn't need bad habits from the other kids (we were talking about specific kids in a specific very aggressive school environment at the time.) My kids, thankfully, all think wrestling is stupid (NOT meaning to offend, it is their words). I let them make some decisions, but if I say turn it off and get ANY static then it goes off for days or weeks.</p><p> </p><p>I have done this for a LONG time, since before thank you was born. If tv is so important, or a game is or whatever, that they have to have a fit when it has to be turned off due to not okay content or time limits (with warnings on tiem limits not just arbitraty turn it off now unless the content is inappropriate) then the tv has become FAR FAR FAR too important and their priorities need to be adjusted. This means that the tv and other screens are off until the withdrawal tantrums are over and they have had a week or two of not hassling us about it. I rarely have trouble with Jess or thank you anymore - they know it is just how it is.</p><p> </p><p>We also have invested in dvds instead of cable/satellite until about 2 yrs ago. It let us cut out most commercials (cuts down on the gimme's) and control content far more. All it will take is a tantrum and they ALL know that I will turn the screens off until I am good and ready to turn them on. Even Wiz got to the point where I had a day or three of grief and then very little by the time he was about 13 or 14. He slid at times, but mostly it wasn't a big deal. Cause he knew he would get a lecture and he hated them more than being unplugged - creative use of boring lectures by a mom - according to the therapist we were seeing, lol! </p><p> </p><p>Everything I have seen about Black Ops says it is rated M - and your son is 10. Why would your husband think it is okay for a ten yo child to play a game that violent? Have you discussed ratings with him so that you can come to an agreement of some sort as to what is and isn't okay for your son in line with your values as a family? Yeah, your son may like it, but is it appropriate? he would probably like to drive and drink beer but those are not age appropriate so they are nto allowed. I know there ar enot laws about game ratings, but they do present some guidelines. Of course it is a family decision, but does he have a reason other than "he likes it" and "the other kids play it" for letting your son play games rated for adults?</p><p> </p><p>Does he truly think your son is mature? If so, is he willing to put mature responsibilities onto your son and see that he carries them out - liek chores with-o fits, good grades, etc....? With privileges come responsibilities in every other aspect of life. Shouldn't it be so with this also?</p><p> </p><p>Does your son have any problems with being aggressive and/or violent in any situation? IF so , violent video games are proven to feed this problem. Now I have not ever seen the game played and it may be rated M for a few cuss words, but I doubt it from the reviews and ads I have seen. Does your child's therapist and/or psychiatrist have an opinion? This might help you and husband navigate this minefield.</p><p></p><p>I don't follow ratings strictly - often I will watch or play something first (well, have husband play it and then aks him questions as I don't really enjoy most video games) and see if it fits in with our values and our child's needs/behavior/personality. thank you and JEss get a TON of things that Wiz did not get at the same age - but they do not show the violence and general gfgness that he displayed, and they are far more willing to do chores and be reasonable human beings for the most part. So, it is what it is. </p><p> </p><p>I guess I am saying first that you should NOT feel guilty. Second that you and husband need to sit and discuss your values and what you want for your son and how this game fits in. Is it important enough to husband to go against your strong feelings? Is it important enough to you to make a big deal about it? Does your husband realize that your son is only 10 and regardless of what he says and the kids say, a lot of them are NOT playing this game. Some are, but not all or likely even most. We went round and round with this and games with Wiz until he realized I had asked the other parents if their kids actually played it. The ones with parents who didn't much care what they did as long as they were quiet did end up playing because the games ketp them busy for hours. These families were in the vast minority and we were NOT NOT NOT in a school with really high expectations of kids. these kids in our school were the ones most likely to have parents who let them do most anything - and they still were not, are not, playing those games. The kids may SAY they are, but they are blowing smoke or sneaking around and have parents who put a stop to it.</p><p></p><p>I will say my husband gave up arguing over games with me. I let him say if they were too adult for our kids UNTIL the point tha tI saw problems. Then I uninstalled them and lost the discs with-o telling anyone ahead of time. They didn't ask me before they installed them so after the second time we had a real problem from a game this was what was going to happen. husband started talking to me a LOT more about what he let the kids play and why, and if I saw behavior problems related to the games he understood that I was going to make them disappear. It was an agreement we worked out and may not work that way for your family. </p><p> </p><p>Anyway, can your husband tell you why an M rated game is appropriate for a 10yo? Can he then tell you what your child will have to look forward to as adult privileges if he gets all the M rated stuff now? What carrots will you have to use in the future? If it is okay for him to play violent M rated games, why can't he drive or drink beer? What incentives will he have to accept adult responsibilities like working hard at a job if he already has all of the adult rewards? Dads don't seem to see it from that angle a lot of the time. It was a major eye opening question for my husband and it really made him think. </p><p> </p><p>This is just my thoughts and what we have done. Your family has to figure out what works with all of this for you - whatever it is that you work out is fine as long as it is acceptable to both parents and doesn't cause behavior problems for your child or the family. I am sorry you have to fight this out - it sure isn't fun when you disagree like this with your husband on something that is important to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 408743, member: 1233"] No way will my kids watch wrestling or play that game. I am very picky about that stuff. I really don't care if they see naked people as that is a natural part of life. I do insist that sex is presented in a married realtionship or we have lots of talks about it. I DO mind violence in a HUGE way. In a setting of the good guys solving the crime and busting the bad guys it is okay with age approp limits, but otherwise it just isn't happening. My husband gave me the "they won't be able to talk to the other kids fi they don't watch what everyone is watching" **** and I said that was a GOOD thing as they didn't need bad habits from the other kids (we were talking about specific kids in a specific very aggressive school environment at the time.) My kids, thankfully, all think wrestling is stupid (NOT meaning to offend, it is their words). I let them make some decisions, but if I say turn it off and get ANY static then it goes off for days or weeks. I have done this for a LONG time, since before thank you was born. If tv is so important, or a game is or whatever, that they have to have a fit when it has to be turned off due to not okay content or time limits (with warnings on tiem limits not just arbitraty turn it off now unless the content is inappropriate) then the tv has become FAR FAR FAR too important and their priorities need to be adjusted. This means that the tv and other screens are off until the withdrawal tantrums are over and they have had a week or two of not hassling us about it. I rarely have trouble with Jess or thank you anymore - they know it is just how it is. We also have invested in dvds instead of cable/satellite until about 2 yrs ago. It let us cut out most commercials (cuts down on the gimme's) and control content far more. All it will take is a tantrum and they ALL know that I will turn the screens off until I am good and ready to turn them on. Even Wiz got to the point where I had a day or three of grief and then very little by the time he was about 13 or 14. He slid at times, but mostly it wasn't a big deal. Cause he knew he would get a lecture and he hated them more than being unplugged - creative use of boring lectures by a mom - according to the therapist we were seeing, lol! Everything I have seen about Black Ops says it is rated M - and your son is 10. Why would your husband think it is okay for a ten yo child to play a game that violent? Have you discussed ratings with him so that you can come to an agreement of some sort as to what is and isn't okay for your son in line with your values as a family? Yeah, your son may like it, but is it appropriate? he would probably like to drive and drink beer but those are not age appropriate so they are nto allowed. I know there ar enot laws about game ratings, but they do present some guidelines. Of course it is a family decision, but does he have a reason other than "he likes it" and "the other kids play it" for letting your son play games rated for adults? Does he truly think your son is mature? If so, is he willing to put mature responsibilities onto your son and see that he carries them out - liek chores with-o fits, good grades, etc....? With privileges come responsibilities in every other aspect of life. Shouldn't it be so with this also? Does your son have any problems with being aggressive and/or violent in any situation? IF so , violent video games are proven to feed this problem. Now I have not ever seen the game played and it may be rated M for a few cuss words, but I doubt it from the reviews and ads I have seen. Does your child's therapist and/or psychiatrist have an opinion? This might help you and husband navigate this minefield. I don't follow ratings strictly - often I will watch or play something first (well, have husband play it and then aks him questions as I don't really enjoy most video games) and see if it fits in with our values and our child's needs/behavior/personality. thank you and JEss get a TON of things that Wiz did not get at the same age - but they do not show the violence and general gfgness that he displayed, and they are far more willing to do chores and be reasonable human beings for the most part. So, it is what it is. I guess I am saying first that you should NOT feel guilty. Second that you and husband need to sit and discuss your values and what you want for your son and how this game fits in. Is it important enough to husband to go against your strong feelings? Is it important enough to you to make a big deal about it? Does your husband realize that your son is only 10 and regardless of what he says and the kids say, a lot of them are NOT playing this game. Some are, but not all or likely even most. We went round and round with this and games with Wiz until he realized I had asked the other parents if their kids actually played it. The ones with parents who didn't much care what they did as long as they were quiet did end up playing because the games ketp them busy for hours. These families were in the vast minority and we were NOT NOT NOT in a school with really high expectations of kids. these kids in our school were the ones most likely to have parents who let them do most anything - and they still were not, are not, playing those games. The kids may SAY they are, but they are blowing smoke or sneaking around and have parents who put a stop to it. I will say my husband gave up arguing over games with me. I let him say if they were too adult for our kids UNTIL the point tha tI saw problems. Then I uninstalled them and lost the discs with-o telling anyone ahead of time. They didn't ask me before they installed them so after the second time we had a real problem from a game this was what was going to happen. husband started talking to me a LOT more about what he let the kids play and why, and if I saw behavior problems related to the games he understood that I was going to make them disappear. It was an agreement we worked out and may not work that way for your family. Anyway, can your husband tell you why an M rated game is appropriate for a 10yo? Can he then tell you what your child will have to look forward to as adult privileges if he gets all the M rated stuff now? What carrots will you have to use in the future? If it is okay for him to play violent M rated games, why can't he drive or drink beer? What incentives will he have to accept adult responsibilities like working hard at a job if he already has all of the adult rewards? Dads don't seem to see it from that angle a lot of the time. It was a major eye opening question for my husband and it really made him think. This is just my thoughts and what we have done. Your family has to figure out what works with all of this for you - whatever it is that you work out is fine as long as it is acceptable to both parents and doesn't cause behavior problems for your child or the family. I am sorry you have to fight this out - it sure isn't fun when you disagree like this with your husband on something that is important to you. [/QUOTE]
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