I have been gone a while, but I am back now.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Sharon1974, Jan 19, 2007.

  1. Sharon1974

    Sharon1974 New Member

    I left my husband late in October. Things have been pretty hectic in my life. DEX has filed criminal charges against me (unfounded, dropped by prosecution), a motion for divorce that is filled with the most outrageous lies you have ever heard, called Children and Youth on me twice (they have been here, and are welcome back anytime. They can't find any problems and have closed the case twice), called the state police to "check and make sure I haven't done anything to the kids" (they were fine), and has filed harassment charges against my father (who has never even called or spoked to DEX).

    This is why I have been too busy to log on.

    I was expecting a difficult adjustment for JK. Not only did we leave DEX, but we moved to a different state, whole new school, new neighbors, you get the picture. JK does not usually do well with NEW.

    I am amazed!!!! JK has been steadily gaining weight, stopped biting his nails, has only had two "fits" since we left, smiles, laughs, gives hugs and kisses to family members (we moved by my parents and sister), he was well adjusted to his new school by the end of the first week, he has been making friends, the school has absolutely no complaints about his behavior, and his teacher finds him a pleasure to have in class.

    Who is this kid???? Did I take the wrong one when I moved?

    JK is worried about things though. He worries did someone forget to lock the door at night? This has been persistant. He wants to know why he lives with me and not Dad and what is to keep dad from not giving him back after a visit. What is a judge? What if she changes her mind about who JK can live with? He wants to know why JD (6 y/o cousin, we live with JD and my sister) can't come with him to Dad's when he goes to visit.

    I am trying to find him a therapist (new state, new insurance, you get the picture) but I am finding this to be a little more difficult then it was in the past.
     
  2. Sarah Anne

    Sarah Anne New Member

    Wow...sounds like a lot going on. Hopefully as life settles down JK will feel more secure in knowing he's safe and the doors are locked. I hope you find a great therapist that suits your insurance needs. Insurance is such a blessing but also quite frustrating at times.

    Sorry you have been going through so much. Sounds like you have a pretty good outlook despite all your DEX is putting you through.
     
  3. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    I am glad your son is taking the change so well. Maybe the change of scene was good for him. I hope things get easier for you, sounds like you have a lot on your plate.
     
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sharon,
    Good to "see" you. You sure have been through a lot. I'm glad to hear your difficult child is doing so well. Hugs.
     
  5. Sharon1974

    Sharon1974 New Member

    JK is doing so well that I am wondering if most of his problems were related to our former "home life". Big problem now is that Dad does not give JK his supplements while he is visiting.

    JK is going to miss the Pinewood Derby in Cub-Scouts this weekend because DEX won't bring him home early on Sunday to make it. Really nice. I love how he sees nothing wrong with hurting his own kids as a way to get to me.
     
  6. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Sharon,

    Sorry to hear that you've had such a stressful time. I'm glad though that the move seems to have improved difficult child. That his anxiety is lessened.

    Will be keeping good thoughts while you slug through all the legal details.

    Keep your chin up!
     
  7. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Sharon, if dex is doing things like that it won't go well for him in custody hearings. And it won't endear him to his kids, either. Let him be a jerk. It's not fair on the kids, but the more you react the bigger a jerk he'll be and the more he will blame you for turning them against him.

    I had a similar problem with one of my pupils (I teach chess after school). We had a tournament organised, then my star player, whose father had always encouraged her to play chess, was unavailable because "my father insists on spending his schedule access time with us this afternoon." I had zero notice and we had to forfeit, so the other kids missed out too. Her father would have been welcome to come to the tournament too.

    Marg
     
  8. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sharon,

    I am so glad you and JK (and the little one too) are adjusting. Thanks so much for checking in and giving us an update. We often wonder about folks who we never hear from again, especially those who, like you, were going through some major life adjustments.

    Keep yourself a "log" in regards to ex's behaviors towards the children. Like the pine derby thing - that should be something dad would want to do with son. But, I have an ex bonehead as well..........

    In regards to JK's success, that's great! I notice he is off the adderall and onto Attend. I have read some information on this natural treatment. How long has JK been taking it? Did it take a month or so for you to see a difference? Did it address both the focus and the impulse (or hyperactivity) issues equally? I would love to get my difficult child off the adderall.

    Sharon, so glad you have found your way back. Keep your head up!

    Sharon
     
  9. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Yep, Sharon, I was thinking the same thing as Marg and LDM. KEEP TRACK! I had a DEX specific calendar the first two years we were together. When he picked them up. When he didn't. If he was late, why. If he didn't show, why. I would mark the Pinewood Derby incident on there, and state why.

    I wouldn't be surprised one bit if JK is better with DEX gone. I'm really glad you're seeing so many improvements with him :bravo:

    Stay positive, Sharon. Things will get better. Sending gentle hugs,

    Janna
     
  10. Sharon1974

    Sharon1974 New Member

    Joshua has been taking the Attend since the end of June. The doctor and I took him off the Adderall when school ended, and I never put him back on it. It took a couple of weeks to notice improvement on the Attend but improvement is noted. It does not work as well as a stimulant, but at least he eats and sleeps, and is not showing signs of depression anymore. It does help with focus and impusivity, but not to the same degree as the Adderall did. On the Attend, JK is himself and "manageable" if you know what I mean.

    I am keeping a log of things that happen and the disturbing things that JK tells me after phone calls and visits. I am thinking about listening in on phone calls but I don't know if that is admissable. The things D-EX says to JK are terrible. He shouldn't be dragging him into the middle of this, but that is where he keeps him. The only way he can get to me is to hurt JK - so he does.

    Last weekend I started to drive to the meeting point and we had a snow squall. The roads were terrible. I called DEX cell phone and told him that I wanted to turn around and take the kids home due to the road conditions. He said he would file charges against me for "interference with custody" so I continued to drive. We spun out on the high-way. Thank God no one got hurt and I was able to regain control of the car. After I dropped them off, the highway was closed and I sat there for 3 hours. This is crazy. How do you people get through it??????
     
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