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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
I have elected to tell my son to get treatment and be sober before we talk again.
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 587076" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>I found out long ago that the person who blows the cover and stops going along with ignoring the elephant in the room is the person who everyone hates. That is because it is easier for them to go along with things as they are than to have to change. As you know from al-anon, if you change so does everyone else have to and that is painful. When one person changes the whole balance of power thing in the family is disrupted.</p><p></p><p>Many years ago when I was in my late 20's/early 30's I began getting help for my codependency with my alcoholic father. I was literally disowned by the rest of my family even though they all knew dad was a raging alocholic that made all our lives h*ll. I finally told him he needed help and if he wasn't going to get it I was no longer going to allow him to ruin my life. For the next ten years I had no contact with my parents or sisters, who all continued to endure his craziness as I began the long road to recovery. When my daughter fell victim to the same disease of addiction I knew what would happen if we didn't take the steps to confront it. Fortunately my husband and easy child was on the same page.</p><p></p><p>You know that you are doing the right thing. You cannot continue rescuing your son. You can encourage your daughter to attend al-anon or other support groups that will help her understand the role each person plays in a family with addiction. Perhaps she is afraid that if you withdraw your support she will have to provide more. Remember the balance that the family is constantly trying to achieve so when you withdraw they have to fill in.</p><p></p><p>If you all would withdraw your support just possibly he would then have to get help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 587076, member: 59"] I found out long ago that the person who blows the cover and stops going along with ignoring the elephant in the room is the person who everyone hates. That is because it is easier for them to go along with things as they are than to have to change. As you know from al-anon, if you change so does everyone else have to and that is painful. When one person changes the whole balance of power thing in the family is disrupted. Many years ago when I was in my late 20's/early 30's I began getting help for my codependency with my alcoholic father. I was literally disowned by the rest of my family even though they all knew dad was a raging alocholic that made all our lives h*ll. I finally told him he needed help and if he wasn't going to get it I was no longer going to allow him to ruin my life. For the next ten years I had no contact with my parents or sisters, who all continued to endure his craziness as I began the long road to recovery. When my daughter fell victim to the same disease of addiction I knew what would happen if we didn't take the steps to confront it. Fortunately my husband and easy child was on the same page. You know that you are doing the right thing. You cannot continue rescuing your son. You can encourage your daughter to attend al-anon or other support groups that will help her understand the role each person plays in a family with addiction. Perhaps she is afraid that if you withdraw your support she will have to provide more. Remember the balance that the family is constantly trying to achieve so when you withdraw they have to fill in. If you all would withdraw your support just possibly he would then have to get help. [/QUOTE]
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I have elected to tell my son to get treatment and be sober before we talk again.
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