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Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
I have elected to tell my son to get treatment and be sober before we talk again.
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<blockquote data-quote="kennedyland" data-source="post: 587315" data-attributes="member: 16133"><p>After 13 years of talking with him, compromising, tip-toeing around issues, confronting issues, using logic, being loving, making suggestions, giving gifts, using tough love, taking him on family vacations, and on and on, I hit a wall. I was trying to understand something for which there is no logical understanding except for one thing - the drugs are guiding his life and his choices. I could keep doing this for another ten years with the hope that he would/will wake up one day and realize the choices he's made are poor, however, the chances of that happening in the context of my drifting along with his addiction problems were nil. As much as I want to take care of him and help him get help and get sober, it's not going to happen until HE makes the decision to get help and to beat this thing. In the end, the only person I can take care of is myself. As long as other people continue to provide band-aids to his problems, and continue to let this whole thing limp along, nothing will change. I can't control their choices or his decisions just like they cannot control mine. I hope he gets help. I hope he pulls it all together and does something constructive with his life. The moment he seeks treatment and shows he is serious about sobriety I'll be there. Until then, however, I can't watch or participate in this crippling behavior. If any of you have a child in their late teens who is going through this, NOW is the time to get tough. Don't go along for years with the hope that that person will wake up as if it was all a bad dream. Get tough, get real, and be strong. My situation has brought me to a very painful but necessary choice. Not letting him talk to me is heart breaking. I really miss him, but it is something I need to do for my own growth and recovery. What puzzled me the most was his sister's cold response to my actions. With Nancy's comments and the comments of others, it is clear that I have upset the apple cart and subsequently, caused everyone to reevaluate their choices of how to respond to him. I hope you never have to get to where I am, but if you do, don't hesitate to do it. Having a little chance is better than no chance.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="kennedyland, post: 587315, member: 16133"] After 13 years of talking with him, compromising, tip-toeing around issues, confronting issues, using logic, being loving, making suggestions, giving gifts, using tough love, taking him on family vacations, and on and on, I hit a wall. I was trying to understand something for which there is no logical understanding except for one thing - the drugs are guiding his life and his choices. I could keep doing this for another ten years with the hope that he would/will wake up one day and realize the choices he's made are poor, however, the chances of that happening in the context of my drifting along with his addiction problems were nil. As much as I want to take care of him and help him get help and get sober, it's not going to happen until HE makes the decision to get help and to beat this thing. In the end, the only person I can take care of is myself. As long as other people continue to provide band-aids to his problems, and continue to let this whole thing limp along, nothing will change. I can't control their choices or his decisions just like they cannot control mine. I hope he gets help. I hope he pulls it all together and does something constructive with his life. The moment he seeks treatment and shows he is serious about sobriety I'll be there. Until then, however, I can't watch or participate in this crippling behavior. If any of you have a child in their late teens who is going through this, NOW is the time to get tough. Don't go along for years with the hope that that person will wake up as if it was all a bad dream. Get tough, get real, and be strong. My situation has brought me to a very painful but necessary choice. Not letting him talk to me is heart breaking. I really miss him, but it is something I need to do for my own growth and recovery. What puzzled me the most was his sister's cold response to my actions. With Nancy's comments and the comments of others, it is clear that I have upset the apple cart and subsequently, caused everyone to reevaluate their choices of how to respond to him. I hope you never have to get to where I am, but if you do, don't hesitate to do it. Having a little chance is better than no chance. [/QUOTE]
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I have elected to tell my son to get treatment and be sober before we talk again.
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