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Substance Abuse
I have elected to tell my son to get treatment and be sober before we talk again.
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 590327" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>I love the strength I see in your postings, Kennedyland. </p><p></p><p>There is no easy way to do what parents of children who are self-destructing have to do. </p><p></p><p>As Recovering so often says, it is about making right choices and then, taking care with our fragile, transparent, vulnerable selves. We are in such pain, and there is no surcease.</p><p></p><p>To all the wonderful advice you have already received, I would add this: There is so much guilt and shame involved when a member of our families is choosing to go a wrong way. If a family is enabled to push responsibility for the addict's path to someone ~ anyone ~ else, they will do so. You can't blame them, really. Helplessly watching the day to day tragedy as someone we love self-destructs takes its toll on our own lives, on our own sanity and self concept. No one willingly accepts responsibility for the addicted family member. If you are feeding, clothing, and counseling him, they don't have to know the horror of it, the day to day, minute to minute futility. If you can turn the sense of betrayal into an understanding of the why behind it, I think it will be easier for you to understand your family's reaction. (This was made crystal clear to me in your daughter's statement that you would be responsible if she were upset and lost the baby. Wow, that was cold. But then...she is afraid, too.)</p><p></p><p>It is so hard to work through the bitterness without becoming bitter, ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Love yourself, love your family and addicted son. Surviving the horror is what this is about. Salvaging the love you all once felt, remembering and honoring the dreams you all shared before things went wrong, that is what matters. </p><p></p><p>If there were some magic pill, some magic something, that would make things right again, we would all do that in a minute. There is no such thing, yet. Maybe one day, there will be. But for now, we do the best we can, the best we know. </p><p></p><p>We survive it. We find joy in the little things, and that helps us to be stronger.</p><p></p><p>Your posts have helped me to be stronger. They have helped me to understand the reactions of my own family with a little more clarity, and have enabled me to forgive with a little more generous heart.</p><p></p><p>That is the path we need to visualize, so we can remain true to ourselves while loving and coping with the horror of a child's self-destruction.</p><p></p><p>Good job, kennedyland.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 590327, member: 1721"] I love the strength I see in your postings, Kennedyland. There is no easy way to do what parents of children who are self-destructing have to do. As Recovering so often says, it is about making right choices and then, taking care with our fragile, transparent, vulnerable selves. We are in such pain, and there is no surcease. To all the wonderful advice you have already received, I would add this: There is so much guilt and shame involved when a member of our families is choosing to go a wrong way. If a family is enabled to push responsibility for the addict's path to someone ~ anyone ~ else, they will do so. You can't blame them, really. Helplessly watching the day to day tragedy as someone we love self-destructs takes its toll on our own lives, on our own sanity and self concept. No one willingly accepts responsibility for the addicted family member. If you are feeding, clothing, and counseling him, they don't have to know the horror of it, the day to day, minute to minute futility. If you can turn the sense of betrayal into an understanding of the why behind it, I think it will be easier for you to understand your family's reaction. (This was made crystal clear to me in your daughter's statement that you would be responsible if she were upset and lost the baby. Wow, that was cold. But then...she is afraid, too.) It is so hard to work through the bitterness without becoming bitter, ourselves. Love yourself, love your family and addicted son. Surviving the horror is what this is about. Salvaging the love you all once felt, remembering and honoring the dreams you all shared before things went wrong, that is what matters. If there were some magic pill, some magic something, that would make things right again, we would all do that in a minute. There is no such thing, yet. Maybe one day, there will be. But for now, we do the best we can, the best we know. We survive it. We find joy in the little things, and that helps us to be stronger. Your posts have helped me to be stronger. They have helped me to understand the reactions of my own family with a little more clarity, and have enabled me to forgive with a little more generous heart. That is the path we need to visualize, so we can remain true to ourselves while loving and coping with the horror of a child's self-destruction. Good job, kennedyland. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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I have elected to tell my son to get treatment and be sober before we talk again.
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