I Have Had It!!!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Bunny, Feb 3, 2011.

  1. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Just when I thought that things were getting better and that the Risperdal was working whatever magic it works, this afternoon comes and a huge meltdow/temper tamtrum/screaming fit. Why? Because he has an appointment with the therapist tonight and he's decided that he should not have to go. Now, I will admit that this is partially my fault because I had told him that the appoiontment was for Wednesday instead of Thursday, and I apologized to him for making that mistake. But, he still has to go. He's threatening to beat the **** out of me, telling me that he's going to call the police and tell them that I'm abusive to him so that they will arrest me and put me in jaill.

    I swear, I can't do this anymore. I just can't. I thought it was getting better and I thought that he was beyond this nonsense. I just wish I could send him away somewhere where I don't have to be his mother anymore.

  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think I'd hand him the phone and let him call. I don't think you have anything to worry about in that regard. As far as the other, I can only say been there done that and I feel your pain. It took a few stern, long talks from cops to get my son past that. But then he moved on to illegal activity and raised the stakes. If he lays one hand on you in an aggressive manner, I think YOU should call the police immediately.
  3. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    My difficult child 1 has pulled this on me many times. It all boiled down to extreme anxiety for him and this was the only way he knew how to cope. He would get very violent at times, too.

    Hugs to you. Unless you think you can calmly talk him through this and even offer a reward for compliance, then I'd consider calling the psychiatrist and letting him know why you won't be coming. Better yet, let difficult child leave the voice message or talk to the receptionist! I've done that before, too, just so they could see first hand the raw emotion I was trying to battle.
  4. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Oh Pam, I am so sorry you are going thru this. I know you feel like throwing in the towel and I have too on alot of occasions. It is a horrible feeling to be threatened by your own child.

    Just when you think you cannot take it anymore you will find strength way down deep.

    He must go to his appointment even if you and husband have to drag him. Could it be the Risperdal causing him to melt down and threaten to beat you up ?

    I hope things get better quickly. Hugs and prayers Pam ...
  5. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    I know... And honestly? Let him call the cops - because if he's still raging, it won't be you they arrest... We let Onyxx call them after she spray-painted Jett in the face and punched my Dad. They came, and restrained her, and read her the riot act. Dad said nothing, let her and Jett do the talking... husband gets home to a cop car in the driveway, and I get the call from him while at my counselor's.

    I can't say they will help, but I can send you lots of gentle hugs and strength...
  6. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    He's going. husband told him that if he had to come home from work and put him in the car and hold him down, he was going to go, so he had better go and calm himself down and try to come up with a solution. Of course, his solution was EXACTLY the same thing that I suggested to him before the meltdown got to the point that it did. I think that makes me angrier that I already am.

    I have done everything that I have been asked to do for this kid. I've brought him to doctors, therapists, psychiatrists. I've changed the way that I deal with him and his meltdowns and threats. It only is going to get better to a certain point, isn't it? It's never going to be easy to live with him. That thought is exhausting.

    I feel sorry for whoever marries him.

  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Here's another vote for letting him call the cops next time he threatens to "turn you in" !

    My difficult child tried to tell a police officer how abusive WE were by requiring her to do chores. After listening a moment and asking a few questions - the officer gave her a lecture about how her parents obviously love her a LOT and that she needs to start towing the line by doing chores and whatever else we ask her.
  8. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Hmm,...You think he is going to find someone to marry?! I think I will be stuck with mine at home forever!

    I am sorry I don't remember much of your story. Is this like a daily thing? You think his medications are right? We had the police at my house when my 10 year old was trashing it. it didn't do any good. Neither did counseling, frankly. Wasn't until we got the medications dialed in that life became tolerable at least. But some things there just aren't enough medications in the world for.

    Hope the appointment goes well.
  9. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Well, I'm hoping that he's going to marry someone because he is certainly not going to live with me forever. I've done my time in purgatory.

    He started Risperdal just before Christmas and it really has seemed to be working really well for him. He was just at the psychiatrist on Monday and we are going to increase it a bit because we are still seeing problems with his behavior (as evidenced by today's meltdown) but everyone who is on my team seems to think that the Risperdal is what he needs to be on right now.

    At the moment, he's doing his homework so that it's done before we have to go.

    Honestly, I'm afraid to call the police, or to allow him to do so. Why? I don't know. Actually I do. One of the neighbors says that I am the useless parent of an f'ing bully and has told other mothers the same thing. Now, while I know that I should not allow this person to dictate how I handle things here at home, but the thought of a police car racing to my house with sirens blaring just makes me think that I really am a useless parent.

  10. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Bunny, let's betroth him to my kiddo, she'll dish the same right back at him. And we'll give them new shatterproof ornaments every year to throw at each other.
  11. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    Ooooo!! I cross stitch and can make lots of soft ornaments that can be thrown without hurting anyone. Well, maybe it won't be so good for the ornament, but at least no person will get hurt! LOL!

  12. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    You haven't seen these new ones? They're lightweight plastic. Soft things don't get the distance, lol. Maybe we could get them jobs as warranty-testers, lol.
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Maybe have an officer come and chat with him? After one of Miss KT's rages, I called PD...officer came in, calmly explained the facts to her, gave us his card, and told us to call anytime. It didn't solve everything, but it did make an impression on her.

    I've also had the threats...in fact, Miss KT (she was about 12 at the time) asked me what I would do if she punched me. I replied, "I'd break your f-ing arm, then call CPS and turn myself in." End of discussion...and end of threats. Except for the time she tore her bedroom door off the hinges and threw it at me...
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I'm sorry today has been so tough. The meltdowns and rages are always harder to deal with after a period of calm and what you think is huge improvement. (((((hugs)))))

    Please stop listening to the neighbors. Chances are that if they had a child like your son he would be so much worse than your son ever dreams of being. The child would not get the help he needs and would never know what to expect or think that anything he did was "good enough", just based on things you have said about the neighbors. The neighbor would let the child do what he wanted as long as the parents were not bothered - and if they were bothered then some real abuse would likely happen, largely because the tolerance of the neighbors is very very minimal. Heck, they are probably turning easy child kids into difficult children simply because they are lousy parents.

    One way you can KNOW that you are NOT a lousy parent - AND YOU ARE NOT!!! - is that you worry about if you are. You also work, read, see docs, etc... to learn how to be a better parent. You are a super parent, a true Warrior Mom and it is time to put on your rhino skin armor!!

    The rhino skin is a way to think of your "thin skin" that the kids and neighbors get under. I actually visualize the nasty things bouncing off of my skin when I realize things are getting to me.

    If difficult child wants to call the cops, let him. Chance are he will be terribly stunned if you offer. Even more if you find the non-emergency number so that he CAN call in his next meltdown (I always thought it best to NOT teach them to call 911 during a rage, Know what I mean??). I even dialed all but the last digit of the child services number for Wiz on one occasion. I told him to think dang hard before he pressed that button because if he did call a social worker out to our home because he was so abused then he better be ready to leave when they get there. I told him I would NOT be held hostage by a child who thinks I cannot discipline him and if he thinks that then he can call and leave with them when they came to the house.

    I also told him that he would be CHOOSING to NOT be part of my family, which means he would not have a mother, a father (big smile on his face here because I turned off his video game), AND he would NOT have grandparents, cousins, or any other relatives. I asked him if he truly wanted to spend the rest of his life with-o his dad and I and his sister and with-o Gmas and Gpas.

    Talk about SHOCK!!! He figured that he would threaten it and I would freak and beg his forgiveness - NOT that I would give him permission to do it and explain that he was CHOOSING to not have us or his grandparents!!!!

    Not sure if this will work with your difficult child, but it worked for us for quite a few years. Actually, all of my kids are well aware that they can report me to CPS anytime they want. But unless we truly HAVE been abusing them, tehy better be ready to leave. If we HAVE been abusing them we will go and get help starting the next day, but chores are NOT abuse and neither is schoolwork.

    Having the cops come can be a HUGE eye opener for him. ESP if the cops reads him the riot act - and most will. We lived about 2 blocks from the police station when we lived in OH and I once took a raging Wiz there - he got mad as we were walking home from an errand. Boy did he stop on a DIME when an officer asked him exactly what he thought he was doing! It can be an awesome learning tool for our kids, esp if the cops can make them realize taht they are NOT going to get any help from them or most other adults. Heck, we called the police on Wiz when he was in 6th grade and the officer told us it is actually a law in OK that a parent has a DUTY to use corporal punishment on a misbehaving minor. Talk about shock - you should have seen husband and I, lol!