I have to go to the house, and I don't want too

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by KFld, Oct 31, 2007.

  1. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I decided to not have any contact with s2bx, but I have to go take care of my dog.
    He called to ask me what vet I use for the dog and to say she has been throwing up since last night and this morning would not eat anything, including cheese which is her favorite. She is a little long haired daschund who only weighs 15 pounds and she is my baby. I need to go see for myself how she is and take her to the vet myself if she is sick.

    I just went shopping last night and I bought chicken and I'm going to stop and buy white rice. I'm running home to cook it and told him not to feed her anything until I get there. I'll go see if she will eat it and see for myself how she looks.

    I don't want to go there and see him, but I'm going to make it clear I'm there for the dog and I don't want to discuss anything else.

    Hope this isn't going to be a night at the vet instead of helping bff hand out candy.

    I'll update you all later
  2. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Boiled hamburger and white rice is good for upset stomachs.

    You can also give her gatorade or gatorade ice cubes to keep the electrolites in her system. If she doesn't want to lap up gatorade stop and get a bottle of Pedialite for her to lap up in another bowl next to her water.

    If she develops diarrahea? Canned pumpkin is a stopper-upper for dogs. It's a holistic treatment, but it works great. That or a tad of Kaopectate.

    Hoping she is A-ok.

    I think you BOTH need a day at the spa. Sounds like she's stressed out too not knowing where you are. Poor dear, poor both of you.

  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just keep the focus on the dog.

    The real one.

    Not the other dog.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Hope your baby is feeling better, Karen.

    I thought of something else last night and am going to share here
    before I forget...I am getting to 'that' age, ya' know. lol

    My husband and I have had our business for 30 years and for over
    20 years I took care of the bookkeeping. We had a CPA that every
    month took my bookkeeping and prepared the income tax forms etc.
    Five years ago I found a national company that takes care of
    things for small businesses. I was sick of worrying about deadlines and mailing forms/checks etc.. When I checked it out
    I discovered that it is really inexpensive to have others take
    care of the bookkeeping and the tax forms for you.

    The other way to avoid all contact with your business partner is
    to get the internet on his computer and then use the computer
    connect (already part of your AOL) to "enter" the business computer and complete the work from your home. Adding the internet probably wouldn't cost $50 and you would save that in
    gasoline and stress corrections.

    You CAN sever all ties to the business AND be fully protected
    if you find the right service. I'm sure of it. Check it out.
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Aw Karen, when I saw how tiny your baby is, I'm irritated with your brother in law for not allowing you to keep her with you. I hope she feels better soon.

    Wendy- LMAO

  6. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    please let us know how your dog is and I hope things go better than you expect. So sorry,
  7. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I went and brought her boiled chicken and rice. She was already feeling better when I got there and she ate pretty good. It must have just been something little, because she seemed to get over it pretty quick. He called me before I left the apartment to say she seemed better and I didn't need to come, but I didn't care, I wanted to see her for myself. As much of an idiot he is, we both love this dog equally and as much as I miss her, I don't worry that he isn't taking just as good care of her as I would. He treats her better then he ever did his own kids.

    I didn't really speak to him, just focused on her. I left a good size portion of the chicken and rice and told him to feed it to her for a few days and nothing else.

    It's not my brother in law's fault that I can't keep her here. He said I could take her once in awhile, but he co-owns the building with his brother in law and I don't want people to start complaining. I haven't really met the neighbors yet, but once I do I will feel them out and let them know I may have her here once in awhile, but not for good. I already met the women right next store and she already made a comment about hearing barking dogs in the neighborhood. I haven't heard one??? but I heard she is a big complainer. I have to watch out for her.

    By the way DDD, I made it clear to him that as long as my name is on the business I will do the invoiceing. Once my name is off it, I don't care who does it. The checks all come to me and I won't have it any other way until the divorce is final. This gives me the upper hand as far as making sure the bills are paid. Like I said, once it's out of my name and I have my half of everything, I don't care if his new girlfriend takes it over. The good thing is the timing of all of this. The grass has stopped growing and now all I have to worry about until spring is the plowing invoices, which aren't very many. My time spent on this will be minimal until the spring and that is when this should all be over.

    So get this. I go to bff Jills to pass out candy and guess who is walking the neighborhood with his girlfriend as she always takes her nephews out trick or treating and she lives just houses away from bff.

    We were actually sitting on the front porch because the weather was so nice and all of a sudden she says, look to your left. There he was standing there with his hands in his pocket looking like he saw a ghost as he must have looked over and saw us sitting there. They took off down the other end of the street and I never saw him again.

    The thing that really bothers me is I know my easy child daughter thinks this shouldn't bother me because I wanted this. I think I have been so careful as to not say anything negative that she really thinks I don't have the right to let this bother me. My niece actually told me she said this. She is very close to my niece and I asked her if my easy child says much to her and if I should be worried that she's holding to much in. She said the only thing she told her was that her father has a girlfriend and that I can't really be mad because I wanted this. I think I need to sit her down and say something like, I know you realize I wanted this and I don't ever want to say anything negative about your dad, but you need to know that there are very valid reasons that I want this, but not ones that I will discuss with you. I just don't think it's healthy for her to think that I don't care that he has a girlfriend, or what he's doing because I wanted this and he didn't. I think that is what she is really thinking.

    What do you think? What should I say to her?
  8. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Karen, if she was 11 or 12, I would be all for just giving out enough information that would be age appropriate. I was about 11 when my parents divorced - I was pretty much clueless about the why's and wherefores - it was just one day my father was home, and the next day he wasn't - there was no sign of him -it wasn't discussed in any fashion, although I heard dribs and drabs of hushed conversations of what went down and was left to piece the story myself. But at 17, I think I would tell her the reason why the separation happened without the gory details.

    If it were me, it would bug the cr@p out of me that this is just the X's manilipulating the situation of "Poor me, this is what your mother wanted" and now your daughter is being sucked in and thinks this who separation is all about you. He is trying his best to make you look like the bad guy with the friends and in laws, and now he is working the kids. What a horses rear end.

    There are a few things I have taken the fall for when it came to the boys dad - fortunately they have gotten old enough to figure out how their dad ticks. But with something like this, I don't think I would be able to just sit there being a martyr to avoid causing any ripples in the pond, and X comming out smelling like a rose. Sometimes honesty kindly given is the better way. I remember being thrown for a loop when the real reason my father no longer lived at home (another major case of infidelity).

  9. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I didn't say anything to her last night, because I have counseling today, so I think I will wait and see what she says.

    Right now I'm thinking just telling her that yes I want this, but there our valid reasons for it, may be enough. She may start looking at her fathers actions and figure it out herself. She is usually pretty perceptive and I'm surprised she hasn't already questioned why daddy has a girlfriend so soon, but I think right now she really just thinks it's because he's using her to get over me. That is what she told me the other night anyway. I did all to bite my tongue when she said that.

    Glad I have therapy today and I'm sure she'll be able to give me some good advice on how to handle this one.
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My gut tells me she is repeating what HE told her. So, she really may not have thought too much about it, but just knows what she knows from him.
  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I agree with busywend. That's been his MO all along...that you wanted this and his actions have nothing to do with it.

    Definitely talk to your counselor about this. I think what you are planning on saying is fine and if she asks more questions or wants more specifics, play it by ear. easy child hasn't had the life experience yet to understand that even if the end result is that you want this, something made you get to that point. You didn't just wake up one morning and decide to move out. 27 years is a long time and I think you should explain to easy child that even though this is the end result, it wasn't an easy or an overnight decision and you are still entitled to your feelings...you're allowed to have the new girlfriend bother you.
  12. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    This is a tough call. Saying that "there are very valid reasons that you want this" is rather ambiguous. It could imply that the reasons are because of her dad ... it could imply that the valid reasons are that you just wanted a divorce.

    Further ... it could begin an escalation of each parent pointing a finger at the other in a blame game.

    I certainly would seek professional advise on how to handle this. I wouldn't say or do anything until I was absolutely sure of what I wanted to say or do.

    My mom is from a divorced home. Very little was said. Very little was given in way of explanations. As she grew up though ... she has figured it all out. She feels that her parents gave her a great gift in allowing her the opportunity to draw her own conclusions about the divorce.
  13. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I don't want to point fingers when it comes to her because I am trying so hard to rise above that, but I also don't want her in the end to see me as the bad guy and think that I just left her father, so he had no other choice but to move on and find somebody else and I should just be fine with it.

    I will not say anything to her until I see my counselor, which is luckily this afternoon.

    Maybe a good way to get her to see what I am feeling is to say, if you broke up with your boyfriend, who she has only been with a year, because you were upset with things he was doing and felt you really couldn't stay with him any longer, don't you think it would still kill you to know he was going out with somebody else a short time later.

    Just a thought, but like I said, I'm not saying anything until I see Susan today.
  14. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member


    Who do we appreciate??


    Good choice, Karen. Way To Go! DDD
  15. KFld

    KFld New Member

    I can't wait to see her today and say, I told you so!!!!
    I told her last week that she would never see Dave again because he wasn't going to come in and face her and tell her he has a new girlfriend already because he knows she not going to tell him what he wants to hear. She looked pretty surprised that I would think that, but I know he called and cancelled all his future appointments with her since I told her that.

    I won't really say I told you so, but I will be thinking it and she will know I was right :smile: