I hear the whoosh going down

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by toughlovin, May 22, 2012.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi Everyone,

    Oh what a darned roller coaster ride this is. After my last positive post on the other thread I was hopeful. He wrote such good letters to us and had good open conversations with us and he seems to really want help.... although he keeps saying the drug use is not the real problem.... but still if felt like he was in the right place.

    Well they called us yesterday. His behavior has been bad and he has gotten into a not good relationship with another patient!!! They think his problems include sexual compulsion or something and they are not really equipped to handle that!!! Yep they will need to let him go. (Just insert many non allowed swear words in here)!

    The good thing is they gave me referrals to 3 different places who deal with this kind of thing. Two seem good to me, the third is shorter term and you need an outpatient plan in place which he does not have so that one is out. Both programs are yet in another state and neither of them allow smoking.... interesting they told me that research has shown that with addictions cigarettes are show to trigger cravings so they do nicotine patches etc but do not allow smoking!!

    So the big question of course is will he agree to go to either of these other places? I think he is going to balk big time, but then what are his other options? We have a phone call with him and the therapists tomorrow morning..... I am just hoping that the part of him that truly wants help wakes up and does what he needs to do to get it. I can't stand the thought of him being on the street again but coming home is absolutely not an option.

  2. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Sigh. I'm sorry TL. The compulsion you referred to seems to be common in some of our difficult children. Good luck on the call, and I hope he is willing to seek further help. Stay strong. HUGS.
  3. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh TL; so sorry. I really hope that the therapists at the current place will talk him into attending the new place before he balks. I will be thinking of you both. {{{hugs}}}
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    So sorry to hear this. I hope the other possible places come through and he is willing to co-operate. It is sad how difficult it often is to find the right services and places for help.
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry. I hope he goes to one of the new places. I hope you can find some peace amidst all of this chaos. Gentle hugs to you, Prayers for all of you.
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am not surprised. You know we have both said our difficult child's are so alike. When difficult child went into rehab it was not long before I discovered that she and another female patient entered into a sexual relationship. In fact I think it involved several women, all heroin addicts. Before long she was also engaging in sexual activity with the male patients even though they were suppose to be kept apart. She was not using at the time so she was sober and in recovery. I knew then and there that she was not serious about recovery and also that her addictions were not just alcohol and drugs. I always suspected this but it became clear. It was also clear that even if she stayed sober her other demons would continue to haunt her and that is when I became despondant.

    I'm sorry TL. I want to give you hope but right now I don't have much. My difficult child is sliding down lower and lower and there just doesn't seem to be any answers, but you know my heart is with you and I am here to support you whatever you do.

  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Oh my TL,
    I SO hope your son will look carefully at his situation and make the right choice.
    I am so sorry.
  8. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Oh my what an incredibly stressful day..... besides work issues I have been on tenderhooks all day wondering what is going to happen with difficult child. Yesterday they mentioned 3 places... all sounded good but one didn't do much in the way of aftercare..... this morning they called me and difficult child threatened a staff member last night (verbally but still not ok) and so they wanted to discharge him today. They gave him 2 places to call... and of course it was the one they didn't mention that I thought might be best... so I made frantic calls checking why they didn't mention that one. They talked to him and I guess he was pretty tearful. He so sabatoges himself and I don't think he has any understanding of why he does it!! Anyway they told him that if he went and fully completed one of these programs he could come back..... so he has agreed to go to the place that doesn't do a lot of aftercare, but the aftercare could be coming back to this place......but then he called me because it seemed the place he wants to go to takes 2 to 3 days to get into and they want to discharge him today which would leave him where??? So i checked and yes it does take that long....but i really feel he needs to go to the place he feels is the best place, and not feel forced into a place he doesn't want to go to. Well the case manager agreed with me.... and so finally he is going to stay in an isolated support room until he can be transferred to this other place. And it looks like that will be tomorrow.... and he has now been reassured he wont end up on the street. Phew.... but it is just a day filled with angst for me!!! I am drained.

    On top of all that our very old dog has the runs and is making messes all over the place and it is driving the rest of us nuts.... and my daughter and I are wondering if it is time to put her down. The dog is a yellow lab and is 12 years old with several health problems... but she still seems like a happy dog so I feel guilty putting her down because she has become so hard for the rest of us to take care of her.

    Right now life stinks! Hopefully it will be better tomorrow.

  9. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    OH my TL, you have had such a stressful day today! I would be drained too if I were in your place.

    I'm so glad that you were able to arrange another place for your difficult child to go to, and also that he has a place to stay so he will not have to stay on the street. It sounds like the current program that difficult child is in really wants to help him, since he is able to come back there for aftercare when he is finished with the other place. I can only imagine all the phone calls and arrangements that you had to make in a hurry today. You are a real warrior mom, and I hope that your difficult child will realize someday how lucky he is to have your support.

    I hope that you are able to rest tonight, and do something nice for yourself. You are almost finished with this stressful day, and tomorrow has to be better for you. HUGS to you...
  10. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Oh tl what a day. We had too put our old basset down when difficult child was in first Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Very tough. Wh?y does the universe send so much at the same time? Im glad he has agreed to go. He sounds so similar to my difficult child. When you say roller coaster, i think of the mh issues with difficult child. He need a diagnosis. Could this be a personality disorder? THEY ARE SO RESISTANT TO TREATMENT AND his bouncing around and not making it makes me wonder? I dont want to project but...... i am hoping that he is now in the right place. My thoughts are with you. A giant hug. I hope your doggy will be ok soon or you will know with peace that it is time.
  11. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hate to say it but I think one of the worse things to do when you are trying to deal with psychiatric patients or addicts is to keep them from their cigarettes! I have always wondered who's brilliant idea that was. Probably 90% of mentally ill people smoke and you want to lock them up somewhere and tell them they cant smoke. Yeah, that sounds like a recipe for disaster to me.

    Help them stop smoking when they are nice and stable. Not when they are in the throws of whatever would cause them to be inpatient.
  12. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    The logic behind these two programs that were definitely dealing with addictions is that cigarettes are another addiction and in fact tends to trigger the cravings for other substances. That makes sense to me. Obviously though they have to deal with the nicotine addiction and so do patches etc. I would have loved to have my son stop smoking as well as everything else.... but I agree that is not my primary concern right now.

    However my son chose the program that allows cigarettes. LOL

  13. Elsieshaye

    Elsieshaye Member

    TL, sending you lots of strength and support.
  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I hope the program is helpful TL. I'm crossing all body parts that he puts himself into this program and really works at it.

  15. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    My difficult child smokes and it is the least of my concerns.

  16. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Oh my what a day from Hades. I hope this new placement is a real positive experience for him. -RM
  17. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Sending hugs to you. Hope things become less stressful.
  18. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Of course he did, he may be dumb right now but he isnt stupid! LOL.