I hope you can help

[Saphic12]

Hi! I am new to this site, but I am really hoping someone here might be able to turn me in the right direction...... I have an 8 year old son that has ADD and maybe ODD, (this is a new term to me and i have not had a chance to discuss it with his MD yet) We put him on Adderal about 8 months ago, it seem ed to help for a little while but recently he has strated acting up again, only worse! He tries to get his 2 little sisters (age 4) in trouble. He doesn't listen to anything my husband or i say at home. He disrubs his class at shcool so bad that he has to go to the office almost daily, and none of the kids in his class want to talk to him because he gets them in trouble too! He even pulled a peice of cat poop out of the litter box and put it in his sisters room (on the floor) and then told me the cat pooped there, just to get the cat in trouble!!! We have tried offering him rewards when he is good, taking things away when he's not, grounding him, making him do extras chores, write apology letters, and yes even a spanking. Nothing seems to have any lasting effect on him! I am so lost.... and now he's going to fail the third grade! I know he can do the work (i've seen it) but he chooses not to! I have an appointment with his MD, we can't get in with a counselor in our area for almost 5 more months (they have 12-13 month waiting lists.) but i was hoping maybe someone here had some advise on how to get through to my boy. Any suggestions would help at this point!

Thanks for listening!

 

[Marguerite]

Hi, welcome. While it'simportant to inform yourself, you do need to be careful to not diagnose your child too fast. ODD is not something that usually is found entirely separate. It often follows after some other underlying condition. ADD alone might not explain it enough, although ADHD could. It'simportant to keep an open mind, but still work towards getting answers. Not easy.

A book we recommend (among others) is "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Whatever the underlying condition, it's a useful book in helping you find different ways of handing the child, of managing discipline. YOu can use the same techniques on other kids as well, it's a useful system. It gets you away from the "we have to win" mentality you can get caught in, when you have a challenging child. Instead of feelnig like you're always in conflict with your child, you instead become part of your child's support team and this can change the whole picture in a positive way.

When you can, do a sig for yourself so every time you post, you don't have to keep explaining your family and connections. Keep names out of it (you need confidentiality, for so many reasons). Have a look at what other people write, see what ideas that gives you.

There are some useful links on this site as well as some good material archived. There is also good info on the abbreviations - difficult child means Gift From God, the child that brought us here. easy child means Perfect Child, although we know that really, no child is perfect.

Anyway, read the book. There is also some interesting discussion of the book in the Early Childhood forum, which should give you some quick overview.

Again, welcome.

Marg