I said to my Mom today in the shopping mall, how I've dealt with what is with my difficult child's addiction. What am I do to with the pain that won't subside now? What does one do with the sadness I do not know. Whether she heard me I don't know but she turned her head towards other people instantly. She is concerned very much but got me thinking, no matter what, being a Mom of a difficult child, it truly is a lonely experience. One that never ceases to cease. I see so many skinny usually males on bikes with no teeth and say outloud to myself, 'meth addict.' Maybe they have something in that they do get a break from pain! Is how my son is dealing that's for sure. He's now awaiting court end of Nov. due to stealing with other addicts, bicycles from a casino. So much of me feels dead inside. I remind myself not to look at where he should be but where he is. The deep sadness.... how do you all deal?? I've upped my anti depressant due to being asked at work if I need a hug. I'm told I'm professional, good at my job but they notice I'm not same. I forget what it feels like to not be so saddened by our difficult child's choices thus far in life.. Cognitive therapy is so exhausting after a while... Thanks for allowing me to vent..