I just want to tell you all what a terrible mother I am. But I had a terrible day to match it. It began with daughter waking up VERY early, around 5.30am, pale as a ghost, and ready to vomit. Yes, she had caught the dreaded bug which I had Thursday and Friday this week. Not good. She was due at her first class at 7.30am. So, terrible mother had to tell her, that she had to go. Reason? She has 3 exams next weekend, and so every class is valuable and necessary. Poor little lass, put on a brave face and carried her bucket in the car! Our German student wasnt quite sure what to make of it. I know she has problems with extreme nervousness, and has already said that she dreads being around sick people (Hope she can cope when I have severe asthma attacks and am carted off in the ambulance!) I dreaded getting DS19 up (hes my challenge at the moment); he was surly to begin with! I asked him to water the cows now this involves filling 20Litre containers and taking them on a trolley to fill up a bath and separate contained. Its one of the few simple tasks I ask him to do. Its about what I would have expected daughter to do at age 8. However, it is still a challenge for him, to remember to turn off the water, or place the hose so it wont make a puddle/mud etc. Im not sure sometimes if its a challenge because of the Schitzophrenia; ODD, ADHD; Pervasisve ??? or other? I cant remember what all labels we were given when he was around 15, I must get the letter out sometime. However, it could just be laziness too. Its all about what he thinks is enough, and the number of excuses he can think up. I say, it takes 8 x 20l for the bath and 4 x 20 litres for the other container. oh, thatll be enough; but he doesnt no nor care how much 11 cows will drink I do. Im the one setting the task. Its honestly not a hard job, compared to what daughter has to do she feeds the birds, and waters them; feeds and waters the guinea pigs, including replacing hay in the cage from time to time; feeds and waters the cats; feeds and waters her horse and at present has to administer a needle and antibiotic spray as shes injured; milks the cow; feeds the goats and sometimes has to milk a goat EVERY DAY! And shes just 12! Now, shes been doing much more than this over the years, since shes six. Im not saying this to say, shes better than him, just to explain, that I couldnt give him this many tasks to do. He has to water the cows, or at least fill the water containers, and then leave full ones for us to administer later, and bring in wood, and feed and water the dogs. We have to check on these tasks daily. Often and often he will say, thats enough wood but it isnt and one of us has to follow behind (usually me, when I want to cook dinner) and go out searching for the wood, or else feed/water the dogs after weve got home from a late class. You will remember that the other day I tried the tack of going behind and doing his chores, just as were ready to take him to work. It worked for a couple days. Anyway, back to today. I had the same story thatll be enough. It wasnt. He wanted to come to town with us so he could go to his friends house that was fine but he knows I wont allow him to go as early as we get to town which is 7.30am as its too early to call on them. I also insist on phoning ahead. So, before we left I tried to ring, but there was no answer it was early, so when he queried why I didnt ring all the mobile numbers, I just truthfully answered, its too early to be bothering people, well ring when we get to town. I tried several times when we arrived, but to no avail. I refused to allow him to go and check on foot. I consider it bad manners to go (1) too early or (2) before calling ahead. I suggested he think about what to do if his friend wasnt available, like maybe going to see a movie. how will I know what movie is on? Well, Ill take you to the cinema (which is close to the dance hall) and you can see How will I know what time? well, you can see when I drop you off What if it isnt on straightaway? You can wait. It was such hard work! Im sure he was deliberately being oblique is this normal/abnormal for schizophrenia? I made other suggestions, like having a look around the shopping center, anything. Dropped daughter off and then told DS I would be taking our student to her friends place now and he could wait on me to come back. He wanted to come. So, when we arrived, I asked him to wait in the car and went inside. I took a little longer than I thought. When I got back in, I apologized he grunted yeah. Did you ring Sharon yet? I told him to ring himself, which he reluctantly did and there was no answer. I again refused just to take him there. We were just coming out of the street of my friend . It was getting tenser. He was REALLY annoying me now . I suggested again, I could drop him off in Ipswich to look at the mall, or go to a movie or Riverlink another big shopping centre he wasnt interested. Look, Im not taking you around everywhere with me this morning Then, I dont know which came first anymore, but it was HORRIBLE I just said to him, look, just get out of the car and I stopped the car. Just get out, youre really annoying me, get out, I said. He just kept saying no, and I just kept telling him to get out, and if he was lucky, Id come back in half an hour. He refused to get out, so I opened his door and told him he had to get out of my car. He kept saying no, I said Id ring the police and he said go ahead, you need help. Guess I do,, I couldnt get him out of my car! In the end, I was screaming at him, to get out, right now. He wouldnt I told him you never do anything I ask you to, get out! And then I slapped his face, and said get out and he did. (it was actually, the tiniest slap like youd give a 2 year old) but Im so ashamed of my behaviour. Im really sorry indeed that I screamed at him. I dont know how to make him do what I want him to do he is so defiant and surly. I cant handle him. I asked him to wait while we all finished dinner the other night he said he didnt want to, and wasnt going to. He got up and left like Im just a hotel or something and didnt even say goodnight to anyone; or offer to do the dishes. Yet a couple weeks ago, he was an angel child, helpful and compliant. I hardly ask him to do anything, partly because its such a challenge for him/me. I hate confrontations all the time. Do you think his medication is wearing in too well? Hes on 37.5mg respiradone consta? (needle bi weekly) as Im sure this behavior/I dont know if you can call it a meltdown, was prevalent only about 3 or 4 weeks ago. Anyway, I went on into Ipswich, especially since daughter had called to say she couldnt stay for class as she was vomiting and not able to stand up. Around an hour and half later, I messaged him to see where he was and he had walked to the nearest shopping centre and gone to a bottle shop (for alcohol) and was planning on going to the pub. It was only about 10.30am by now! I told him that if he went to the pub, hed have to walk to Ipswich to walk it off. He messaged back, that would be too far to walk, hed stay at the pub till 2pm when I picked him up, he needed a drink after the long walk hed had and had nothing else to do. He sent another message apologizing. I didnt feel warm and fuzzy towards him, knowing he planned on drinking for several hours. I went back for him around 2pm. He aplogised again and I said if he still had a drink left, he could leave it in the fridge at home. He said hed drunk all of it, outside the bottle shop, in broad daylight (in the middle of the morning) which I reminded him was against the law his response, oh well!) I smelt like a brewery. I took him home and told him he had to mow the lawn. He said he didnt feel like it. tough, says I, and you can bring wood in as well. Its not my fault you dont feel well now, is it? My ex came and started the mower for him another challenge, because we had to keep reminding him to do a thorough job. I dont feel like it I wont, were phrases we heard over and over. My ex has zero tolerance of DS, and has had about that tolerance since we fostered him from age 7. They never did connect. He ended up mowing most of the yard himself. I asked him to do the water, and was told the cows had enough, and asked for more wood to cook dinner, told I had enough, he wasnt doing anymore, he didnt feel like it. So, when ex went home I decided, I didnt feel like cooking his dinner, or inviting him for dinner and went ahead and cooked a nice aroma filling the air steak and some chips to go with it. When he came up for water for himself, he said how nice it smelled. Yes, were going to have a nice dinner, we are I said. And we didnt invite him. Much later he came up to make a sandwich and I asked him to clean up after himself, which he had to be reminded off when hed finished making his sandwihch. And thats where were at. Hes gone back to his room (his own caravan near the house) just having had a sandwich for dinner. I reminded him to feed the dogs (daughter has already watered them) and I doubt thats done either. Im awake alone, as the others have gone to bed already. Feeling miserable, and fat since I ate a whole bar of chocolate without sharing any, to myself. I dont like being a mean mommy. But tonight, I feel like the worst mommy, because dont know how to keep DS from being so full of attitude and self absorption. At this rate hell never be able to hold down a normal job because he doesnt want to finish a task he doesnt feel like doing, no matter what the task. Its Oh, Ive had enough of that, Ill come back to it later (which of course, he doesnt. ) Or, thats enough of that, I dont want to do it anymore. In normal jobs, that wouldnt be tolerated. So, having had my vent, I hope Im allowed to post this long whinge. Any advice? Is it worth mentioning to the therapist (does that mean treating doctor) to see if his medications need increasing, or is it all my fault? What can I do then?