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I just want to whine...
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<blockquote data-quote="WSM" data-source="post: 300676" data-attributes="member: 5169"><p>Look what wikipedia has to say about denial (ala husband).</p><p></p><p>"Denial is a defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence. [1] The subject may deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether (simple denial), admit the fact but deny its seriousness (minimization) or admit both the fact and seriousness but deny responsibility (projection). The concept of denial is particularly important to the study of addiction. The theory of denial was first researched seriously by Anna Freud. She classified denial as a mechanism of the immature mind, because it conflicts with the ability to learn from and cope with reality. Where denial occurs in mature minds, it is most often associated with death, dying and rape. More recent research has significantly expanded the scope and utility of the concept. Elisabeth K&#252;bler-Ross used denial as the first of five stages in the psychology of a dying patient, and the idea has been extended to include the reactions of survivors to news of a death. Thus, when parents are informed of the death of a child, their first reaction is often of the form, "No! You must have the wrong house, you can't mean our child!"</p><p></p><p>husband does all those things. And he has an immature mind. OMG that just fits so right.</p><p></p><p>Here's more:</p><p></p><p>"...The concept of denial is important in twelve-step programs, where the abandonment or reversal of denial forms the basis of the first, fourth, fifth, eighth and tenth steps. The ability to deny or minimize is an essential part of what enables an addict to continue his or her behavior in the face of evidence that, to an outsider, appears overwhelming. This is cited as one of the reasons that compulsion is seldom effective in treating addiction &#8212; the habit of denial remains."</p><p></p><p>Last night I pointed out to husband that his drinking 16 oz of vodka was a contributing factor to his anger, self pity, and pessimism. Alcohol is a depressant. He put his hands over his ears.</p><p></p><p>I don't nag about drinking, I know he's become an alcoholic and it doesn't matter because I want out and will get out. And I had an alcoholic ex and you can't do anything with them, did the alanon thing back then. Incredible that here's another one.</p><p></p><p>More from Wiki:</p><p></p><p>"...DARVO: An acronym to describe common strategy of abusers: Deny the abuse, then Attack the victim for attempting to make them accountable for their offense, thereby Reversing Victim and Offender. Psychologist Jennifer Freyd[4]. writes:</p><p></p><p>"...I have observed that actual abusers threaten, bully and make a nightmare for anyone who holds them accountable or asks them to change their abusive behavior. This attack, intended to chill and terrify, typically includes intimidation, overt and covert attacks on the whistle-blower's credibility, and so on..... [T]he offender rapidly creates the impression that the whistle-blower is the wronged one, while the victim or concerned observer is depicted as the offender. Figure and ground are completely reversed... The offender is on the offense and the person attempting to hold the offender accountable is put on the defense."</p><p></p><p>Bingo.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WSM, post: 300676, member: 5169"] Look what wikipedia has to say about denial (ala husband). "Denial is a defense mechanism postulated by Sigmund Freud, in which a person is faced with a fact that is too uncomfortable to accept and rejects it instead, insisting that it is not true despite what may be overwhelming evidence. [1] The subject may deny the reality of the unpleasant fact altogether (simple denial), admit the fact but deny its seriousness (minimization) or admit both the fact and seriousness but deny responsibility (projection). The concept of denial is particularly important to the study of addiction. The theory of denial was first researched seriously by Anna Freud. She classified denial as a mechanism of the immature mind, because it conflicts with the ability to learn from and cope with reality. Where denial occurs in mature minds, it is most often associated with death, dying and rape. More recent research has significantly expanded the scope and utility of the concept. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross used denial as the first of five stages in the psychology of a dying patient, and the idea has been extended to include the reactions of survivors to news of a death. Thus, when parents are informed of the death of a child, their first reaction is often of the form, "No! You must have the wrong house, you can't mean our child!" husband does all those things. And he has an immature mind. OMG that just fits so right. Here's more: "...The concept of denial is important in twelve-step programs, where the abandonment or reversal of denial forms the basis of the first, fourth, fifth, eighth and tenth steps. The ability to deny or minimize is an essential part of what enables an addict to continue his or her behavior in the face of evidence that, to an outsider, appears overwhelming. This is cited as one of the reasons that compulsion is seldom effective in treating addiction — the habit of denial remains." Last night I pointed out to husband that his drinking 16 oz of vodka was a contributing factor to his anger, self pity, and pessimism. Alcohol is a depressant. He put his hands over his ears. I don't nag about drinking, I know he's become an alcoholic and it doesn't matter because I want out and will get out. And I had an alcoholic ex and you can't do anything with them, did the alanon thing back then. Incredible that here's another one. More from Wiki: "...DARVO: An acronym to describe common strategy of abusers: Deny the abuse, then Attack the victim for attempting to make them accountable for their offense, thereby Reversing Victim and Offender. Psychologist Jennifer Freyd[4]. writes: "...I have observed that actual abusers threaten, bully and make a nightmare for anyone who holds them accountable or asks them to change their abusive behavior. This attack, intended to chill and terrify, typically includes intimidation, overt and covert attacks on the whistle-blower's credibility, and so on..... [T]he offender rapidly creates the impression that the whistle-blower is the wronged one, while the victim or concerned observer is depicted as the offender. Figure and ground are completely reversed... The offender is on the offense and the person attempting to hold the offender accountable is put on the defense." Bingo. [/QUOTE]
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