I just wanted to go for a bike ride...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Kedgie, May 8, 2011.

  1. Kedgie

    Kedgie New Member

    I am new to the site and to posting on forums in general but I am really at my wit's end. My 9 yo difficult child is in one of his "bad cycles" as I call them and I just don't know what to do anymore. I am so tired of going to professional after professional and trying different treatments and charts and behavior plans. Nothing works.....at least not for very long. I am a mental health therapist and I can't even help my own child. I really feel like a failure as a Mom and today...on Mother's Day....I just wanted to do something as a family,outside in the fresh air...a bike ride.... and after the yelling, crying, and dysfunctional antics of the whole family, I just want to curl up into a ball and stay there. I try so hard to help him and nothing seems to work. The whole family is in a constant state of chaos and stress. I don't expect perfection or some idealistic situation. I just want some peace. I am really starting to think that there is noone out there who can help us. I can't express in words the mental and emotional, bone weary, sheer exhaustion I feel. Any words of hope out there?
  2. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Kedgie,

    I'm glad you found us but sorry you needed to. You really will find much support here. I'm sorry your Mother's Day turned out as it did; I completely understand the wanting to curl up in a ball and staying there. I felt much the same way today. I also understand that physical and emotional, bone weary, sheer exhaustion feeling (notice my board name:)).

    You are not a failure, you are trying to help your child who happens to be difficult to help. Has your difficult child seen a psychiatrist and/or a nuero-psychologist? How is your difficult child in school? Does he have any diagnosis?

    I've often felt that feeling of is there anyone that can help. We have done a lot of different medication trials, taken him to therapy since he was 4 or 5, and had to hospitalize him many times. While my difficult child is still very much a difficult child, we are seeing improvements. There is hope. In addition this place, has really been a lifesaver. You'll never meet a greater group of parents anywhere!
  3. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    HI Kedgie,

    Can you tell us more about you and family and your difficult child? What do you suspect?

    Behavior charts work for some but not for many of us, so don't feel bad about that!

    i so have been there, right down to the bike rides. Or the non bike rides. There were days and years actually when everything seemed like such a struggle we gave up on most things. Things got better--medications really helped, therapy didn't do much, and we changed parenting styles a bit, and our kids started growing up.

    Tell us more--if we can get a sense of what your difficult child is like people might have some more concrete ideas for you.

    You are definitely not alone!
  4. Kedgie

    Kedgie New Member

    Thank you both for replying. It really means a lot to me. My son is 9 years old. He has been diagnosed with many things over the years such as ADHD, Non-verbal Learning Disorder, Anxiety, Asperger's, Sensory Integration Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder...maybe a few others that I am forgetting. He has had school testing twice, two private neuro-psychiatric evaluations, has seen a behavioral specialist, an anxiety specialist, has gone to two separate Occupational Therapist (OT)'s...one for a feeding group when he was younger and one last Spring for individual work.

    I think what is so hard is that he seems to have bits and pieces of so many different disorders but sometmes not enough to meet the full criteria for a diagnosis. I definately think he has ADHD, with the Emotional Dysregulation piece that I was reading about on this website. He also has either some social anxiety or some Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) element....I don't think it is Asperger's but maybe a bit of the NLD stuff....or maybe the anxiety is part of the ADHD...I can't figue it out and neither can the numerous professionals I have been to.

    His PCP is going to start him on a small dose of Ritalin, maybe tomorrow. I was resistant to trying medications because he already takes so much for his asthma that I didn't want to put more medication into him especially becasue he doesn't eat one bit of nutritional food. But, my husband & I are at our wits end and my 4 yo is suffering now too bc of all the stress and chaos plus my difficult child is now acting out at baseball and talking back a little to coaches so I feel like now that it is not just the family seeing the oppositional stuff.. we have to do something more.

    The other piece is that he sems to cycle. There are actually weeks at a time where he is sort of manageable and I sometimes think...."what was I freaking out about? I can do this." and then....Mr. Hyde returns. Bipolar Disorder runs on both my Mom and Dad's sides of the family so I am a bit scared about that too. Sorry for rambling on....it is helpful, though. Thank you.
  5. pepperidge

    pepperidge New Member

    Given your family history, has he seen a really good child psychiatrist? I would be concerned about bipolar. Personally at this point I would worry less about behavior therapy etc and more about finding a good psychiatrist. It sounds like you will need a long term relationship with someone and I suspect that medication trials may be in your future.

    Don't hesitate to stop the ritalin if it makes him worse, as it can. On the other hand it might make him better....Do you think he tends to the depressive end of things? Constantly irritable etc? Or is he hyper? You might want to read up on APs--like Abilify or Seroquel or Risperdal. My difficult child has been helped by small amounts of those.

    Personally, our experience with therapy (as distinct from medications) at that age was that it accomplished very little. Therapy does better for the parents than the kids.

    Other thing I wonder about is the asthma medication and whether it is making the anxiety and behavior worse.

    Welcome, please tell us more if you want.