I just wanted to thank

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DancerMom, May 22, 2008.

  1. DancerMom

    DancerMom New Member

    the 60 plus people who viewed my earlier post and the ONE person who was kind enough to offer me some advice or to just say a kind word.

    Wow - this board has sure changed ALOT.....Never really considered this a "clicky" board although it had been mentioned to me before. However, after the response I received I can't help but wonder.

    I'll try to keep my trivial trials and tribulations private and I do apologize for attempt to reach out at a time when I needed it.
     
  2. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    wow dancer mom, I'm sorry you haven't gotten what you needed. I haven't read your thread yet but I'll be happy to read and respond. I'm sure there are tons of folks who don't know who you are or your story. You aren't here very often and there are a lot of new members. I don't think it's a clique but getting what you give. The site doesn't work if you don't give back.
    I'm sure there will be more responses over the next few days but it would help if you responded to some of the newbies who would benefit from your experiences.
     
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Dancer Mom,
    I just read your other post after this one (I was in bed early and other than the gm thread didn't get on till tonight and then didn't see it because I didn't go on to page 2).

    I know sometimes when we don't get many responses it's frustrating. I don't think the board is "clicky" and am sorry you didn't get more responses and feel that way. I know sometimes I see a post and am feeling so worn out I don't always respond and I can/should do better.

    I'm sorry for your evening last night. I hope everything went o.k. It's hard to think he would actually go to the police. Hugs.
     
  4. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Gosh...that is not meant to happen. I searched for your post and can't find it. (I guess I'm technically challenged.)

    Hugs to you, dear. Hopefully someone can pull up the post.

    Abbey
     
  5. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hey, when I read this post the first thought I had was, "That's how I feel sometimes"............I will be the first one to admit that there are times, days, weeks and even months where I can't pull a thought together for anyone because I'm just in a bad place, thinking of me and mine, worrying about what tomorrow will bring into my home.

    You probably haven't read any of my posts, but I was kind of absent for a while because I just wasn't in a frame of mind to be of support to anyone.

    I'm going to go back and find your post now.

    In the meantime, sending lots of hugs for your hurting heart.
     
  6. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    It's on the WC - 2nd page - which is probably why it didn't get much traffic. It needs to be moved to the General board.

    I'm also confused. You have difficult child 2 listed as 11 years old, but from the sound of the post she's older or did you mean difficult child 1?

    Baby daddy sounds like an idiot. difficult child would lose car privileges for not doing what she was told....or rather for doing what she was told not to.
     
  7. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Wow- I am sorry you feel this way. I can't honestly say that I have seen any of your post- maybe I am too caught up in my own difficult child's issues right now- I am sorry. Many times I don't hear what I want to hear, but I know there are many caring people here and sometimes it is more important to hear what I NEED to hear, not what I WANT to hear.

    It sounds like your concern though is not getting responses, except for one. I have to admit- I don't even know where your thread is. Can you point me to it?

    Never mind- I just saw Heather's post- I will look.
     
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I tried to PM you, but you aren't set up for that. I didn't want to tag on to another post and seem to be ignorant of how you are feeling about the replies you got. I had not seen a post from you until this one, so it is a little confusing. I'm thinking you are referring to the one that says difficult child 2 has an arrest warrant? Did you mean difficult child 1?

    I'm sorry that you got replies that weren't very welcoming or helpful. It's been such a long time since we heard from you, and it was good to know that you are all ok, even though some of the same behaviors and problems are cropping up.

    I hope you won't let this bad experience keep you away from the board for so long again. Your sharp wit and good heart are much needed.
     
  9. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    Wow, that was kind of hard to swallow. I'm a newbie around here & yes, there are times when I have felt that way. But, I know that I can't expect everyone to reply to everything all the time......there are so many people here & some may only get through a couple of posts at a sitting. Some read & don't know exactly what to say or know what they want to say, but don't have a bunch of time, all kinds of things. I am very sorry that you felt that way, especially during a time when you really needed support. I hope you have a change of heart because I have learned there are so many wonderful understanding people here that only wish the best for the whole group.....in any situation. {{{hugs}}} to you.
     
  10. judi

    judi Active Member

    I can honestly say that as I come back and forth to this board, I get what I give. When I first came here (Jan 2001), I was frantic for help: my son was out of control. I posted a lot and a lot of advice was given. As my son grew older and he was in and out of the house, I posted less and less.

    I'm sorry you don't feel that you got the support you needed at the time. Somedays here are busier than others.

    Please take care and know that for many of us here, our fellow posters have a special place in our hearts even if we don't publicly acknowledge it.
     
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Geez, drop in more often! I hardly remember what's gone on with you & your difficult child. I tend not to respond to threads in which I have little to no knowledge. I believe your thread had something to do with warrants & such.

    I had nothing to offer so I didn't respond. If you feel that is clicky I'm sorry. However, I can't spend hours here responding to each & every post that comes along.

    Visit more often ~ make yourself available to others who are struggling with the same issues you have with your difficult child.
     
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    dancermom,

    I am sorry you did not get the replies you wanted. I am one of the people who viewed and did not post. I did not post for a few reasons. I am having some back trouble and have been reading more than posting.

    Another reason I did not post was because I had a very hard time understanding all that was going on. Paragraph breaks are very helpful to those of us who have cognitive issues due to medicine or health problems.

    I do not feel we are clicky, though if I have been away for a time I do NOT expect a lot of responses when I first come back. I expect a few, and then I expect the # of replies to grow as the new posters get to know me. "Do to get", ya know??

    I am sorry your feelings were hurt.

    Susie
     
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I tend to agree with most of the others. I read your post but wasnt entirely sure exactly what was going on and whether or not you were just verbally venting the excitement of the evening. I have done that and really not expected much in the way of a response because really...what on earth can people say or do who havent been in such a situation!

    Even some of us "old timers" who are here regularly post sometimes and dont get lots of responses sometimes...others we do. It all depends on the topic and if others have something to contribute.

    Im guilty as hell for being here every day and reading most everything but only responding to posts that really draw me in. Its not about being in a clique but more about the substance of the post.
     
  14. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I used to be an "old timer" but due to stress from difficult child - I'm now the proud owner of a brain with partheimerz.

    Dancer -

    I spent the better part of my childhood/early adult life being bullied, left out, whispered about. I'm the kid that you saw sitting alone at luch dying to be part of any group. At the time I would have eaten a bug to be someone's best friend. I survived high school and for a long time was the butt of jokes that had hurt in gradeschool and thanks to the cliques - quite never got rid of. It hurt - and I hate cliques.

    I love this community. To me it's an extended family. It's actually the ONLY family I have that understands me when I say things like - Dude fingerpainted on the wall when he was 6 with poop, or My son is a convicted felon and people don't shy away from me. I don't know how many members there are here - I can go look, but we care.

    Personally I missed your post. I did not read it, I did not see it, and I can't apologize for something I didn't do because I didn't see it. (I would have so many spiders to apologize to if that were true) and I also know for a fact that the give to get theory is very true. I wish I had the time to respond to all the posts. I have a head full of knowledge, a soul full of empathy and a heart that is as compassionate as I allow it to be.

    There isn't a member here that I don't care about, wish well, hope the best for, or pray for. There are from time to time people I disagree with, things that are said that I think otherwise, posts that make me just sit and think WOW - I'm so blessed, and posts that leave me scratching my head, and comments that are posted that make me just roll over laughing. Other posts leave me sitting in my chair trying to not let anyone see me crying. Like yours here because of a misunderstanding. No one wants anyone here to leave feeling hurt. It happens, sometimes for a good reason or a dose of reality, sometimes a little too harsh, sometimes not harsh enough or in a way that someone could understand that will help. But no cliques - just respondants.

    You really want to feel awful? Ask me how many of my posts have been totally deleted (chuckles to self) yeah.....I get a little out there on occasion. And it used to really hurt, now I understand that sometimes things are done for the good of the board.....and that's what this is about, this entire community -

    I finally found your post - and here's what I think about that since I'm not going to respond to the other one now....here goes.

    You trusted difficult child to take your car, pick up a friend and go where she said they were going. Church.

    When you got a call from these sources telling you they had seen her in a car with a young man you have told HER not to be around. You got in your car and drove TO WM.

    You found her and best friend/baby, and young man in what I am assuming is YOUR car. Then you told her to drive him home, and then take Bestfriend/baby home.

    Then young man (I say that because I've said the word @$$ too much on another post) said you threatened to "pop a cap in his @$$ (there is just no getting away from that word) and was going to police, but you know for a fact there are warrants out for his arrest.

    I have many questions about this entire scenario -

    1.) What consequence does your daughter KNOW will happen if she leaves your house, in YOUR car, and does not do what she says she will do? OR in simpler terms WHAT punishment for lying? And not just one one count - there are several here -

    a.) Take your car/gas
    b.) I am going to church
    c.) I am going to be with my best friend and her baby

    Instead -
    a.) she went to pick up best friend/baby - okay
    b.) says best friend coerced her- disobeying & lie
    c.) she went to pick up best friends boyfriend - disobeying & lie
    c.) she knew she wasn't to be with or near him - disobeying
    d.) she went to WM -disobey and lying

    2.) Trying to parent on the "fly" and make it up as we go is lethal to a difficult child/parent relationship. With Dude we assumed if his lips were moving he was lying. We told him so. We had wiped his slate clean so many times the board had a hole in it. So we devised a better plan. EACH time he walked TOWARDS the door saying "Can I leave and go to Xhouse? I'll be back at 3?" We would say "YES YOU MAY GO. THE CONSEQUENCE FOR NOT BEING WHERE YOU TELL US YOU"LL BE AND NOT COMING HOME ON TIME IS 5 DAYS IN YOUR ROOM WITH NOTHING BUT A BOOK." This was said if he was even going to ride a bike around the block at 15, 16 and 17. You lie to me once I have no reason to belive you - and you will BE where you say you are going to be or there will be consequences. What do you say EACH and EVER time your lying daughter walks out of the house regarding her obeying the house rules on leaving, being and returning on time?

    3.) You should never have to get in your car and hunt your kids down, but it happens. However - when we would go looking for Dude - the 1st place we went is where he TOLD us he would be. Two reasons. 1.) I want to believe my son over my sources that call and say my son is here or there and it could have been mistaken Identity. 2.) If I go there - and the kid says to me -"I was there" - you can say _"SO was I, I talked to this person - you were NO WHERE to be found - I caught you LYING." THEN level consquence you have already established. The fact that you went straight to WM and NOT the church tells me difficult child daughter has lied before.

    4.) Is this girl with the baby REALLY her best friend if she can manipulate your Daughter into doing things that she KNOWS are wrong? Is this a friendship she should continue? I wonder what story the best friend gave HER parents - maybe you should call and compare notes?

    5.) Who told you this boy said you were going to harm him and was going to the police? Him? Did he tell you that? If he did - I'd be at the police station in a snap and be filing slander charges, and asking for an order of protection to include myself, and my property. THEN I'd send a notarized written letter to him, registered and receipt requested with copy to the police, that as the mother of an underage girl you are requesting he stay away from your daughter. And at the VERY least - I'd file a police report to have on file of this entire incident citing his threat to go to the cops as my basis for fear of retribution.

    6.) As far as standing there and having that boy refuse to get out of my car? Bravo to you because I'm telling you - I'd have gone to jail and HE would have been drug out of my car however I got him out. So KUDOS to you for not laying a hand on him. But should an incident like that ever happen again, and you KNOW there is a warrant out for someone? Say Fine - don't get out of mycar - and call 911. I bet his butt would have moved like a hot August prarie wildfire.

    It sounds to me like your difficult child needs to know the consequences you and she can decide them together. No rules say a kid can't be part of their own punishment decision making.

    but if today she still has car priveleges, and a phone, and she's going to best friends tonight and all that jazz? Then YOU Mom need to revamp the system of rules, rewards and consequences, write them out, post them and stick to them.

    Personally - I am so glad I don't have girls.

    Hugs -
    Hope this helps - say where in SC are you

    Oh yea - ps. Fix your PM so you can get PM. Sometimes people just want to say things but not in public view. Yet they may be so soft hearted they don't have the abilty to tell you.
     
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Just bumping this up so Dancer gets a chance to read it. :D
     
  16. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I am sorry you are having a rough time... I have not been around for a few days... my kid is not doing well. I just did not feel like posting about it. I have been too tired to even come here or offer myself or any support. Sorry
    But that is the reality at times. Some times I am here and probably annoy EVERYONE!!! others few and far between...
    Please don't take anything personally, I have had post not responded to before... some nights it is slow... or I just post at the wrong time... who knows. I haven't even read your post yet but I will. :)
     
  17. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Dancer Mom,

    I truly believe there are lots of kind, caring people here. As others have already said, there are many reasons why people don't always respond to posts. I know I haven't been available much lately. I'm under lots of stress at the moment for many reasons. There are many negative things happening in my life that I don't have control over. For now, I just keep putting out one small fire after another... I just don't have the time to respond to or read very many posts.

    I'm sorry that you're going through a rough period and didn't find the help you needed here. I hope the responses to this post will help you realize that even if we're not always available, we care. Hugs, WFEN
     
  18. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I feel offended that you call us clique-ish...........when in fact we are the most amazing network of friends I have ever had. No judgment, no pretences, no second agenda (like cliques), just an unbelievable bunch of friends that love and care for each other.

    I feel annoyed that you are casting such a large shadow over us - and I do not feel your comments are warranted simply because we did not respond to one post the way that you felt we should. We are all over-stressed parents of a difficult child - cut us some slack if we miss an important moment in each other's life - and simply post again to get our attention.
     
  19. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    sorry you're feeling neglected by the boards.

    I do not feel they are clicky at all, when one of my posts goes unanswered I just assume people are busy, fried or having a life.

    I have gotten so much support here, it's my lifesaver, it truly is.

    <<<HUGS>>> for your hurting heart
     
  20. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    DancerMom,

    I'm disappointed that you wrote this post, made these accusations, many folks reached out to you, and you haven't responded.

    Hmmmmmmmmm...isn't what you are doing now (nothing) exactly what YOU were complaining about?

    Maybe, like many of us, you are busy or in pain or don't know what to say. Regardless, we love you and accept your foibles and hope you accept ours, too.

    Big hugs,
    Suz
     
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