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Parent Emeritus
I keep forgetting... the premise of "the rescuers" is that we, the parents, are evil!
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<blockquote data-quote="TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow" data-source="post: 331682" data-attributes="member: 8405"><p>Thanks Nomad!</p><p></p><p>Our difficult child kids are (so very deep, deep, deep down wayyyyy wayyyy down inside) pretty awesome too... we just haven't seen much of the "awesome" side in about 2 years now!!!</p><p></p><p>Lately the younger two are complete and total strangers. </p><p></p><p>My husband was in tears last night that he wants his children back... (not back in our home, but back in relationship with us) which sparked me to tears that I <u><strong>didn't </strong></u>want them back "whatever the cost." </p><p></p><p>They need to completely "get over" this phase they are in... and come to their senses before I can trust them to be in our presence.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime the most loving thing I can do (after praying for them) is allow them to fully experience the natural consequences of the adult decisions they are making.</p><p></p><p>They have been legally and socially aggressive against us. </p><p></p><p><u>"false allegations of abuse against their parents"</u> - part of the description of our difficult child-daughter's psychiatric diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder</p><p></p><p></p><p>Former friends believe the kids' doe-faced lies. </p><p></p><p><u>"Outwardly chaming, Lying, Threatening others, Lack of cause and effect thinking, and </u><u>Triangulation of adults" </u>- other symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)</p><p></p><p>Sadly I cannot trust my adopted kids. It's not that I don't love them. I simply cannot trust them. </p><p></p><p>I don't believe my love for them should mean that I should subject myself to their abuse. </p><p></p><p>The short but sweet answer I developed is absolutely the truth. We have had the opportunity to speak to MANY professionals since our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-kid went running around town with tales of lifelong abuse at our hands. Each and every professional we have spoken with understands the situation perfectly, and has shared their empathy, experience, compassion and consolation with us. </p><p></p><p>The adoptees' rescuers think us matching the psychiatric diagnosis given to our difficult child 6 months after adoption with her recent behavior is just evidence that we are the really the horrendous people our adult adoptees are claiming us to be. </p><p></p><p>The adoptees are feeding so strongly off the local celebrity of playing victims. I think they're addicted to the drama of it all. </p><p></p><p>The following is from a teacher fact sheet created by Brandon University... (feel free to use your wildest imagination regarding our young adults' recent actions... I'm sure you won't be far off)</p><p>It describes in a nutshell our last few months;</p><p></p><p>" Reactive Attachment Disorder is usually associated with some form of abuse or neglect in the first two to three years of life. This normally involves physical or emotional abuse, abandonment, a drug-addicted caregiver, a sequence of foster placements, or similar emotional trauma. In some cases, children may have symptoms of an attachment disorder if they have experienced divorce, long periods of hospitalization, a parent with chronic depression, or if their brains were altered by the mother's substance abuse. The most common factor for children with attachment disorders is that in the critical first years of life, either the child did not have the opportunity to bond emotionally with any single individual and maintain that bond, or the child did experience an emotional attachment and then was separated from the caregiver.</p><p> <strong><u>A key logical formula that often plays inside this child's head is this</u>:</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>1. I like getting attention. Getting people to respond to me feels good.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>2. If people are responding to me, I feel in control, and that feels good too.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>3. It's hard to get attention and to get people to respond to me when I'm just sitting somewhere being good.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>4. It's really easy to get attention if I can get people mad at me.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>5. When I can make people lose it, then I'm in control and that feels good.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>6. That negative attention is much more high-voltage attention than the positive attention and it's more exciting.</strong></p><p><strong></strong></p><p><strong>7. The best way for me to get attention (and get my adrenalin fix) is to</strong></p><p><strong>create a crisis, so everyone is reacting to me."</strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow, post: 331682, member: 8405"] Thanks Nomad! Our difficult child kids are (so very deep, deep, deep down wayyyyy wayyyy down inside) pretty awesome too... we just haven't seen much of the "awesome" side in about 2 years now!!! Lately the younger two are complete and total strangers. My husband was in tears last night that he wants his children back... (not back in our home, but back in relationship with us) which sparked me to tears that I [U][B]didn't [/B][/U]want them back "whatever the cost." They need to completely "get over" this phase they are in... and come to their senses before I can trust them to be in our presence. In the meantime the most loving thing I can do (after praying for them) is allow them to fully experience the natural consequences of the adult decisions they are making. They have been legally and socially aggressive against us. [U]"false allegations of abuse against their parents"[/U] - part of the description of our difficult child-daughter's psychiatric diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder Former friends believe the kids' doe-faced lies. [U]"Outwardly chaming, Lying, Threatening others, Lack of cause and effect thinking, and [/U][U]Triangulation of adults" [/U]- other symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) Sadly I cannot trust my adopted kids. It's not that I don't love them. I simply cannot trust them. I don't believe my love for them should mean that I should subject myself to their abuse. The short but sweet answer I developed is absolutely the truth. We have had the opportunity to speak to MANY professionals since our Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-kid went running around town with tales of lifelong abuse at our hands. Each and every professional we have spoken with understands the situation perfectly, and has shared their empathy, experience, compassion and consolation with us. The adoptees' rescuers think us matching the psychiatric diagnosis given to our difficult child 6 months after adoption with her recent behavior is just evidence that we are the really the horrendous people our adult adoptees are claiming us to be. The adoptees are feeding so strongly off the local celebrity of playing victims. I think they're addicted to the drama of it all. The following is from a teacher fact sheet created by Brandon University... (feel free to use your wildest imagination regarding our young adults' recent actions... I'm sure you won't be far off) It describes in a nutshell our last few months; " Reactive Attachment Disorder is usually associated with some form of abuse or neglect in the first two to three years of life. This normally involves physical or emotional abuse, abandonment, a drug-addicted caregiver, a sequence of foster placements, or similar emotional trauma. In some cases, children may have symptoms of an attachment disorder if they have experienced divorce, long periods of hospitalization, a parent with chronic depression, or if their brains were altered by the mother's substance abuse. The most common factor for children with attachment disorders is that in the critical first years of life, either the child did not have the opportunity to bond emotionally with any single individual and maintain that bond, or the child did experience an emotional attachment and then was separated from the caregiver. [B][U]A key logical formula that often plays inside this child's head is this[/U]: 1. I like getting attention. Getting people to respond to me feels good. 2. If people are responding to me, I feel in control, and that feels good too. 3. It's hard to get attention and to get people to respond to me when I'm just sitting somewhere being good. 4. It's really easy to get attention if I can get people mad at me. 5. When I can make people lose it, then I'm in control and that feels good. 6. That negative attention is much more high-voltage attention than the positive attention and it's more exciting. 7. The best way for me to get attention (and get my adrenalin fix) is to create a crisis, so everyone is reacting to me."[/B] [/QUOTE]
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I keep forgetting... the premise of "the rescuers" is that we, the parents, are evil!
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