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Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
I keep forgetting... the premise of "the rescuers" is that we, the parents, are evil!
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<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 333273" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p>That was a nice response, Legally.</p><p></p><p>Thank you! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>If there were one piece of information that might have helped us, going through this, it would have been this: Your child or children still love and need their parents. Say the things you know to be true, remind the kids you love them, and tell them, again and again, that they were raised better than to do what they are doing.</p><p></p><p>In other words, don't lower your expectations of your children (or yourselves), and don't fault or blame yourself when they make choices you warned them against.</p><p></p><p>Also...I believe helping professionals sometimes put hurtful words, or hurtful thoughts, into our kids' heads. What we heard from our child was that the way to get attention in group therapy (say, for addiction) is to come up with something worse than the other people in the group came up with at the last meeting.</p><p></p><p>We also had the experience of having the same counselor who had denied our child's accusations that drugs were easier to obtain in treatment than on the street be charged, sometime after our child left the center in question, with dealing cocaine.</p><p></p><p>So good for you, for recognizing so early in the game that helping professionals are often helping no one but themselves, and are often destroying whatever fragile balance the families who come to them for help have managed to retain, in the process.</p><p></p><p>We have very nice relationships with both our children, now. I am sure your children will come back to you, too.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 333273, member: 3353"] That was a nice response, Legally. Thank you! :) If there were one piece of information that might have helped us, going through this, it would have been this: Your child or children still love and need their parents. Say the things you know to be true, remind the kids you love them, and tell them, again and again, that they were raised better than to do what they are doing. In other words, don't lower your expectations of your children (or yourselves), and don't fault or blame yourself when they make choices you warned them against. Also...I believe helping professionals sometimes put hurtful words, or hurtful thoughts, into our kids' heads. What we heard from our child was that the way to get attention in group therapy (say, for addiction) is to come up with something worse than the other people in the group came up with at the last meeting. We also had the experience of having the same counselor who had denied our child's accusations that drugs were easier to obtain in treatment than on the street be charged, sometime after our child left the center in question, with dealing cocaine. So good for you, for recognizing so early in the game that helping professionals are often helping no one but themselves, and are often destroying whatever fragile balance the families who come to them for help have managed to retain, in the process. We have very nice relationships with both our children, now. I am sure your children will come back to you, too. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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Parent Emeritus
I keep forgetting... the premise of "the rescuers" is that we, the parents, are evil!
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