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Parent Emeritus
I keep forgetting... the premise of "the rescuers" is that we, the parents, are evil!
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<blockquote data-quote="TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow" data-source="post: 333830" data-attributes="member: 8405"><p>Thanks Barbara!!! </p><p></p><p>It's encouraging to know your family is on the victory (having nice relationships) side of this junk!!! </p><p></p><p>My hubby and I are eager for healthy parent-child relationships to be restored... at the same time, we're cautiously eager. </p><p></p><p>As you said, we are not lowering our expectations. They have absolutely been raised better than they are behaving. </p><p></p><p>We do love them, and are confident (despite their actions) that they love us too. They are just going through an incredibly stupid phase right now. (not a strange phenomena for their age group!)</p><p></p><p>We believe youthful ignorance (combined with the thrill of being the focus of this intricate drama triangle they've created) is playing a huge part in their stupid decision making processes.</p><p></p><p>We know they may never understand the parent side of this until they have rebellious divisive young adult-children of their own.</p><p></p><p>We also know bona-fide mental illness is a huge part of what's going on. We're sooooo grateful for the wealth of information that is available online about daughter-difficult child's diagnosis now!!!! </p><p></p><p>We had so little information about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) when difficult child-daughter was first diagnosed... and then we truly believed she had "outgrown" it, although (since summer, in post-cyber-Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-education hindsight) we now recognize tell-tale "signs" have been present in daughter-difficult child all along. We had all kind of chalked her quirkiness throughout the 10 "beautiful years" up to well... her quirkiness! (We totally didn't recognize it as Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)...)</p><p></p><p>daughter-difficult child's behavior was horrendously explosive the first three years after placement for adoption... we had 10 beautiful middle years... and the 2 years post the one semester she spent at an out-of-state college were REALLY rough just before her completely unforeseen explosion over the summer.</p><p></p><p>Growing up and detaching from a loving family as an adult is certainly hard for "even normal" kids. </p><p></p><p>Our momma's and papa's hearts of compassion keep trying desperately to better understand what is going on in those kids' minds.</p><p></p><p>We're trying not to take the certifiably Reactive Attachment Disorder behaviors too personally, even though daughter-difficult child's tremendously painful attack against us continues.</p><p></p><p>I'm sure there was a sad sort of satisfaction when your concerns came to full light about the illegally-drug-dealing "counselor". </p><p></p><p>I'm confident Light will shine brightly on all involved in this situation. I'm not eager to see my well-founded suspicions against the "well meaning" counselors confirmed. There is a part of my heart that breaks over that idea. I really hope they'll all wake up and clean up their act before they are fully exposed.</p><p></p><p>For now loving "the kids" from a distance while praying for restoration is the wisest thing we know to do. </p><p></p><p>I so tremendously appreciate your shared wisdom and experience as our goal is what you have... a nice relationship with your adult children!</p><p></p><p><3</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow, post: 333830, member: 8405"] Thanks Barbara!!! It's encouraging to know your family is on the victory (having nice relationships) side of this junk!!! My hubby and I are eager for healthy parent-child relationships to be restored... at the same time, we're cautiously eager. As you said, we are not lowering our expectations. They have absolutely been raised better than they are behaving. We do love them, and are confident (despite their actions) that they love us too. They are just going through an incredibly stupid phase right now. (not a strange phenomena for their age group!) We believe youthful ignorance (combined with the thrill of being the focus of this intricate drama triangle they've created) is playing a huge part in their stupid decision making processes. We know they may never understand the parent side of this until they have rebellious divisive young adult-children of their own. We also know bona-fide mental illness is a huge part of what's going on. We're sooooo grateful for the wealth of information that is available online about daughter-difficult child's diagnosis now!!!! We had so little information about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) when difficult child-daughter was first diagnosed... and then we truly believed she had "outgrown" it, although (since summer, in post-cyber-Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)-education hindsight) we now recognize tell-tale "signs" have been present in daughter-difficult child all along. We had all kind of chalked her quirkiness throughout the 10 "beautiful years" up to well... her quirkiness! (We totally didn't recognize it as Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)...) daughter-difficult child's behavior was horrendously explosive the first three years after placement for adoption... we had 10 beautiful middle years... and the 2 years post the one semester she spent at an out-of-state college were REALLY rough just before her completely unforeseen explosion over the summer. Growing up and detaching from a loving family as an adult is certainly hard for "even normal" kids. Our momma's and papa's hearts of compassion keep trying desperately to better understand what is going on in those kids' minds. We're trying not to take the certifiably Reactive Attachment Disorder behaviors too personally, even though daughter-difficult child's tremendously painful attack against us continues. I'm sure there was a sad sort of satisfaction when your concerns came to full light about the illegally-drug-dealing "counselor". I'm confident Light will shine brightly on all involved in this situation. I'm not eager to see my well-founded suspicions against the "well meaning" counselors confirmed. There is a part of my heart that breaks over that idea. I really hope they'll all wake up and clean up their act before they are fully exposed. For now loving "the kids" from a distance while praying for restoration is the wisest thing we know to do. I so tremendously appreciate your shared wisdom and experience as our goal is what you have... a nice relationship with your adult children! <3 [/QUOTE]
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I keep forgetting... the premise of "the rescuers" is that we, the parents, are evil!
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