I know I am wrong but can't help it.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jody, Mar 1, 2010.

  1. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    After the incident last week, I just have no tolerance for my difficult child. I can't even say or type difficult child without having animosity. Compassion, kindness, any of those types of words are just not going on in our house. I know it is affecting her because she is trying to hug me all the time and kiss me, and ask me if I am her baby girl still. I just say yes, but I just want to be left alone right now. I don't want her hanging on me or even touching me right now. I had to work later last night, she kept calling me telling me how much she misses me. I am just not into it. I have been spending extra time with my oldest daughter and really enjoying myself. I just don't seem to be able to get over what she has done, the bruises haven't even gone down and she wants everything to go back to the way it was. I know we have to live together for many more years, I just want to disaccociate and she's only 11. Maybe I am just over worked and over tired and I hope it gets better. Her father is dying right now and I cannot imagine how badly that is going to hurt. He has cancer and has refused to see her this year because he is looking so badly and has been so sick. I don't even know how to prepare her for this. URH. I have to get my emotions in check and hope it happens fast. Thank you for listening.

  2. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm in the same place right now with Kanga. It is totally normal. If this wasn't your child, everyone in the world would be advising you to leave this toxic, abusive relationship. But, since they are our daughters, we cannot.

    Do you have access to respite?
  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts


    What consequence did difficult child receive for her actions last week? I cannot remember - did you call 911 & ask for transport of a mentally ill child to ER? Did you call psychiatrist? Did you take pictures of your bruises to document?

    difficult child needs to understand that there are consequences for actions even with a mental/emotional disorder. It's slow learning in our "little wonders".

    I understand your need for a break - difficult child needs to know just because she's over it, you are still healing from last week & need space. You are not rejecting her - you are taking your own time out.
  4. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    JJJ I have access to respite thru a youth program here in my city. I am going to be utilizing it very soon. My difficult child's therapist called and asked them to call me and see if I needed a break. I couldn't reach them after hours. SOON SOON SOON/ Thank you.

    Linda, I took pictures and talked with psychiatrist, and therapist. I didn't call the police when it happened, but two days later she hit me again and I called the police. It was a joke, they talked to her like she was 5. I really know you want to be a good little girl and help your mom out. He looked at my bruises and said in front of her oh those will go away. He then preceded to tell me that she was probably acted out because of all the medicines she has been taking. I would love for him to spend 30 minutes with her OFF them. Joke.

    She's grounded from tv, computer, phone, DS. She gets back tv today. Not giving her anything but food, shelter, clothing. Nothing at the moment to give, the less I give of myself, the more she tries to manipulate me too.
  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Jody, maybe you need to get some counseling for yourself to process the feelings you have about your difficult child.
  6. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I see a therapist and psychiatrist. I don't always feel this way. I am very close to her, but this last incident really is bothering me. Some days are just harder than others I guess. I am looking at her picture right now and she is sitting with my Lab Lady. She looks so sweet and that day she was very sweet. She looks a lot like me and we are very much alike. I wish she didn't have to go thru all of this **** and could have a more normal, happy childhood. I see my therapist next week. Sometimes I don't want to talk I want ANSWERS. LOL.
  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I think the respite and the counseling, if you are in counseling maybe an increase in counseling is very important right now.

    K is violent but nothing like what you have gone through and I have hard time with the little things she does.
    I can't imagine.
    Sorry hang in there
  8. agee

    agee Guest

    I've thought things like this before. In my dating days I had a bit of a reputation as quick to turn cold. It didn't really take much for me to decide someone wasn't worth my time. I never even came close to having a man call me a name or hurt me in any way. I always broke up first.
    Now, of course my child is not a guy I'm dating...but I have often thought that if he weren't mine, then it'd be over. Done. I don't put up with that kind of **** from anyone - or at least that's what I always thought.
    But now I do.
  9. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Guess what a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) in my state just called and said that they have an opening for my difficult child. YIPPEE. They are faxing me the final paperwork asap. I am ecstatic right now and then will be upset when she does leave. I am just not able to be pleased. So many mixed emotions. Right now, relief. Maybe it will help her and she can come home after some time and she will have learned a few things to help her.
  10. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    It sounds like you're human. Who wouldn't feel a little "cold" toward the person who hurt them so badly???

    I hope your family gets some help soon!

  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Congrats on the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)! This will give you the break you need.
    When my difficult child was in psychiatric hospital, my husband was miserable, lonely, and feeling guilty. I was stressed but, how do I say, less stressed. I had a week off!
    Let us know what happens.
    Best of luck.
  12. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm so glad the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) called. Take the time you need to heal. If the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) doesn't have an imposed no-contact window, create one. Give her a week or two to settle in and for you to have a break.
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm very glad to hear the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is a go. I completely understand how you feel. difficult child has been violent to me so many times that it takes a lot of effort sometimes to "connect" with him. It's even hard after he stays "shut up and I hate you" and then 2 seconds later wants to play games. After he pushed me down a flight of stairs in November it took me a very long time to be able to want to spend time with him.
    I guess what I'm trying to say is I think it is normal for you to be feeling the way you do. Hugs.
  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I understand, too. Glad to hear you got the OK on the placement. Definitely take some time for you while she's away.