Thanks again for all the feedback, thoughts and good wishes.
Keista, H's sibs are on the same page as me, but they have somehow put it all on H. In particular, his sister knows better than to leave it up to H, but she's a bit insulated living all the way out in CA - she knows her mom wants to be with H. It must be so nice to not have to work, but fill your days with volunteering so that you have zero time to handle your mom's affairs - especially since she is the POA. At any time, sister in law can step in and take over their mom's financial affairs and I'm sure the mom wouldn't mind since she's so overwhelmed by it all. Instead, sister in law is suggesting they hire yet another person to handle the monthly finances! I mean, C'MON! H's brother offered to go to FL with H and speak with his mom, but H refused.
I think this is what happened: His mother said in passing that she'd want to be up in CT, caught H off guard and as per usual, his tongue was tied and so he said nothing, which mother in law mistook as acceptance, an acquiescence if you will.
Mattsmom, I think you are on the right track. I am realizing that the longer this takes, the harder it will be on mother in law (and apparently H) and in the end, I will likely be the one who has to say it out loud. I don't have a problem with telling mother in law no, however, it goes against all the danged detaching and work I've done to NOT be co-dependent with the kids OR with H. I also realize that no matter who tells her, she will likely blame me anyway, so why should it matter if it comes from me, right? on the other hand, I think, dammit, this is my HOME and marriage, I should be able to stand beside my H and say, "Nope, this is not going to work out" and be heard and understood by everyone involved. You are correct, this may be one of those defining moments in our marriage. It's a miracle that other events haven't broken us up, it's sad that this may be the one thing that does.
DDD, we have a counseling appointment this evening. If he doesn't show, I will need to change the focus and goals for future appts and work on getting myself out of this sham. I agree with you and have begun formulating a potential long term plan. I don't think you're being negative, I think what you've said is the reality.
Thanks all.
