I love my baby but don't know how to help her

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by overwhelmed, Sep 11, 2007.

  1. overwhelmed

    overwhelmed New Member

    I feel so lost and confused that I don't know what to do. Here's my story: My daughter (9yrs) was diagnosed last year with ADHD and Disruptive Behavior Disorder. On top of that she has a cross-fused ectopic right kidney (essentially she is the same as a child with only one kidney), very little control of her bladder muscles and has been in puberty since 5 yrs old. At the time when she was diagnosed last year we were living in upstate NY and the only treatment offered to her was to be addmitted to a facility in downstate NY for a 60 day evaluation. I could not send my baby away for 60 days somewhere where she didn't know anyone and I couldn't see her. Two years ago I was hospitalized for medical issues for 3 weeks and that was very difficult for her and I as she has never been away from me. We have recently moved to central Florida and she is having mega problems in school. I think her old school just kinda overlooked her problems and let her slide and now her new school is much different. According to her old school her grades were fine she passed every grade and was on grade level in all subjects. Now however her new school seems to feel that she is behind a grade in most of her subjects. She has outbursts in school and at home if you try to help her with things she says she doesn't know how to do. When she is happy she is out of control happy and when she is upset she is out of control upset. There just is no happy medium. She doesn't seem to remember from one day to the next what she has been reprimanded for. People love to tell me that she is just spoiled and I don't deny spoiling her but I don't believe she has been spoiled any more than her brother (18yrs) or her sister (16yrs) and they have none of these problems. She also has a brother and sister on her biological faters side who both hav many of the same problems. Her brother on her fathers side is almost 17 and has already been on PINS and in juvenile jail several times. Her sister on her fathers side is almost 14 and has tried to kill her grandmother and attempted to set several fires and has thought she was pregnant by grown men many times. I don't want my daughter to follow in their footsteps but I don't know how to help her.
  2. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    Are there any diagnosed mental illnesses on her father's side or on your side? Is your daughter on medication? If so, what kind?

    My youngest and oldest sons both have extreme highs and lows. When they are happy, they are giddy, laugh uncontrollably, grin from ear to ear, almost skip as the walk happy. When they are upset, they say their life stinks and they want to die. They do not have a happy medium either. Their bio-mom was diagnosed bi-polar and the current psychiatrist they see is leaning towards this diagnosis for them as well. Many ADHD medications can make this condition worse. They are currently off medications waiting a final diagnosis from the new psychiatrist. Once he gives them a diagnosis that my husband and I agree with, we will look into the correct type of medications for them. Both of these boys are also diagnosed ADHD, but one thing we learned is that ADHD and bi-polar have many cross symptoms. If you diagnosis the correct one and get medications stabilized, the other one may not actually be an accurate diagnosis.

    Have you heard of the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene? This is a great book to help you understand how children with these types of DXs (diagnosis) work. See if your local library has it. There is another book "The BiPolar Child", but I can't recall the author's name. I'm sure more will be along shortly to offer up some advice and support.

    You have found a great group of people! Welcome to the board!
  3. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator


    Sorry for all the questions, but your answers will help us point you in the right direction.
    What kind of doctor diagnosed your daughter? Has she ever been evaluated by a psychiatrist or neuropsychologist?
    Is she on any medications? If so, what/dose?
    How does she do with peers?
    Any sensory issues (for example, sensitivity to clothing tags, loud noises, food textures)?
    Any developmental or speech delays?
    Any substance abuse or mental health disorders in the family tree? What disorders have her siblings been diagnosed with?

    Again, welcome. You will find a lot of support here.
  4. overwhelmed

    overwhelmed New Member

    I have been diagnosed with depression but don't take the medications because they don't make me feel any better. I have dealt with deppression with-o medications for 30 yrs and will continue to do so. My late mother also battled depression most of her life.

    On her father's side she has a brother, sister and 2 cousins that have been diagnosed with adhd and 1 cousin that exhibits symtoms but has not been diagnosed. Her brother on her father's side also has been diagnosed with dyslexia. I don't know if there are any other diagnoses. I don't really stay in touch with that side of her family because they only bother with her once in a while when they feel like acknowledging her. They are all into dealing and/or using drugs and are not the role models I want for my child.

    She has a brother and sister on my side who have no issues.

    Essence was evaluated by a psychiatrist in NY who said she couldn't help her and I would have to send her away for 60 day evaluation. As I said I could not do that. She is on medications only for asthma and seasonal allergies.

    She can make friends but often does not keep them for long because of her mood swings. They see her happy and they think something is wrong with her because she is out of control or the see her upset and are afraid because she is out of control. She also has problems with her peers because she occasionally has accidents due to her kidney and bladder problems. Kids are cruel and don't understand that she can't help it.

    I am not aware of any developmental or speech delays. If she doesn't know you she will act like she doesn't know how to speak but once she gets to know you watch out because she won't stop talking. Again its one extreme or the other with no happy medium.

    I don't really know about the sensory issues. Sometimes tags will bother her and I have to cut them out and she is bothered by bras with clasps in the back. As she develops it becomes increasingly harder to find bras she likes. I guess most 9 yr olds do not wear a size 34B bra. She will soon need a C.
  5. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Your choice is not the psychiatrist who refused to evaluate your daughter and the 60-day evaluation. You can find another child psychiatrist closeby to evaluate her. With the family history and mood swings she's experiencing, it sounds as if it's warranted.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would see a neuropsychologist. I see symptoms of possibly many disorders and they need treatment, but figuring out which problem it is IS the problem. I had great results with a comprehensive neuropsychologist exam. In fact my son had a neuropsychologist evaluation and saw a Psychiatrist. I'd go for it. Your poor child isn't getting any better and a total evaluation can only help you understand. Any possibility that anyone diagnosed with depression really has a form of bipolar? Setting fires is kind of a bipolar thing to do. See a neuropsychologist :smile: (((Hugs)))
  7. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    I second, third and fourth the vote on seeing a neuropsychologist. Our neuropsychologist spent more time with my kids in 1 session than their old psychiatrist spent with them in 1 year. I still think you need a psychiatrist involved, but I think the neuropsychologist evaluation is so much more thorough.