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Family of Origin
I love this. It could have been many of us talking.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 655579" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hey, C...I want to share something I got from my therapy session last time. This is one of my more highly credentialed therapists, in fact she is a psychologist schooled in CBT and DBT and knows about subtle abuse. I told her my sibling had posted that I was evil and that, really, I am a bad person. Her post had brought back all those "you're bad" messages I'd heard through the years from various members of my thankfully small family. </p><p></p><p>Therapist asked me to tell her all the "evil" things I had done.</p><p></p><p>I started with having tantrums as a kid and threatening to keep my brother and sister up all night when I was in a tantrum. I told her how I had shared my sister's secrets when I was around 25 but that I honestly did it mostly to get my mom to pay some attention to my sister...to see what her neglect of a college student was doing to her. I admitted that 10% was to let her know I as not the only one who was "bad." I expected her to jump in and give it to me, but she said, "Most people do that. It's not evil or even abnormal."</p><p></p><p>I told her about a few times I lost it and she said, "Most people lose it sometimes and yell and say things they don't mean and sometimes they aren't nice when they say it. Were you sorry?"</p><p></p><p>I said I was.</p><p></p><p>She asked if I apologized and I told her I tried. And that my mother was far meaner to me than I ever was to her, which is true. And she NEVER apologized. </p><p></p><p>I shared a few more instances, then I ran out of things I had done that were allegedly "evil" or even "bad." I was surprised there were so few. She told me she had all of my medical records from at least twenty years back (I had signed consent form after consent form to get as many as I could). She said none of my psychiatrists or other mental health people thought I was a bad person or that I had borderline personality disorder. She told me there were only two consistent things she saw in the medical reports: I had a mood disorder, sometimes called bipolar II but often called mood disorder not otherwise specified and that I had soft neurological symptoms that resembled traits of autism/Aspergers, which would explain my sensitivity, trouble with frustration (which is a lot better now) and trouble in the work force and with social skills. </p><p></p><p>You are not "bad" because somebody says you are. Everyone does negative things, including every single person who has ever said YOU do "bad" things. Some probably did worse than you have, which is something I explored and was interesting. </p><p></p><p>You are a good person.</p><p></p><p>Everyone, even good people, lose it sometimes.</p><p></p><p>Losing it is not abuse.</p><p></p><p>You have your hands full and they know it and don't care how much they work you. They may get worse as you assert yourself, but stand tough. We are here for you. We have been there/cone that/have the t-shirt.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 655579, member: 1550"] Hey, C...I want to share something I got from my therapy session last time. This is one of my more highly credentialed therapists, in fact she is a psychologist schooled in CBT and DBT and knows about subtle abuse. I told her my sibling had posted that I was evil and that, really, I am a bad person. Her post had brought back all those "you're bad" messages I'd heard through the years from various members of my thankfully small family. Therapist asked me to tell her all the "evil" things I had done. I started with having tantrums as a kid and threatening to keep my brother and sister up all night when I was in a tantrum. I told her how I had shared my sister's secrets when I was around 25 but that I honestly did it mostly to get my mom to pay some attention to my sister...to see what her neglect of a college student was doing to her. I admitted that 10% was to let her know I as not the only one who was "bad." I expected her to jump in and give it to me, but she said, "Most people do that. It's not evil or even abnormal." I told her about a few times I lost it and she said, "Most people lose it sometimes and yell and say things they don't mean and sometimes they aren't nice when they say it. Were you sorry?" I said I was. She asked if I apologized and I told her I tried. And that my mother was far meaner to me than I ever was to her, which is true. And she NEVER apologized. I shared a few more instances, then I ran out of things I had done that were allegedly "evil" or even "bad." I was surprised there were so few. She told me she had all of my medical records from at least twenty years back (I had signed consent form after consent form to get as many as I could). She said none of my psychiatrists or other mental health people thought I was a bad person or that I had borderline personality disorder. She told me there were only two consistent things she saw in the medical reports: I had a mood disorder, sometimes called bipolar II but often called mood disorder not otherwise specified and that I had soft neurological symptoms that resembled traits of autism/Aspergers, which would explain my sensitivity, trouble with frustration (which is a lot better now) and trouble in the work force and with social skills. You are not "bad" because somebody says you are. Everyone does negative things, including every single person who has ever said YOU do "bad" things. Some probably did worse than you have, which is something I explored and was interesting. You are a good person. Everyone, even good people, lose it sometimes. Losing it is not abuse. You have your hands full and they know it and don't care how much they work you. They may get worse as you assert yourself, but stand tough. We are here for you. We have been there/cone that/have the t-shirt. [/QUOTE]
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I love this. It could have been many of us talking.
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