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I"m back with no hope
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 366070" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Here's another wishing I didn't have a mentally ill child but we all have to deal with the hands that we are dealt. Stop blaming yourself. I like what a therapist that I was talking to today said to me. "Your child was born different but no one gave you the manual on how to raise a 'different and difficult' child. You did the best you could with what you knew." It took a weight off my shoulders. </p><p></p><p>We are now convinced that our daughter has a borderline personality disorder. I had done research and found almost all the experts blame it on "invalidating parents." When I said to the therapist that meant husband and I were to blame, she told me to stop and back up. Invalidating parents means that our difficult child did not get the validation that she was looking for or needed but that didn't mean that we did anything wrong. The way that we raised our children worked for easy child but did not work for difficult child. She explained it as we were talking French and difficult child was talking German and we just weren't getting each other. I liked the language analogy.</p><p></p><p>So let go of the blame game and start taking care of yourself. Our difficult child is 25 and has no place to live and is trying very hard to get us to let her come back or give her money to rent an apartment. It is very hard but we are standing our ground this time.</p><p></p><p>Your difficult child is 26 and mentally ill. That's a fact that you can't change. Read through the links that Nomad talked about. I found it very helpful and think it is time that I go back and read them again.</p><p></p><p>You asked for us to tell you that there is hope. Hope that your child will stop being mentally ill? Probably not. But there is hope for you to have a happy life in spite of your son's illness. Some of us have become very good at compartmentalizing our childrens' problems and not letting them spill over and take over our lives. It is something that you have to work on but can be done.</p><p></p><p>{{{Hugs}}}</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 366070, member: 1967"] Here's another wishing I didn't have a mentally ill child but we all have to deal with the hands that we are dealt. Stop blaming yourself. I like what a therapist that I was talking to today said to me. "Your child was born different but no one gave you the manual on how to raise a 'different and difficult' child. You did the best you could with what you knew." It took a weight off my shoulders. We are now convinced that our daughter has a borderline personality disorder. I had done research and found almost all the experts blame it on "invalidating parents." When I said to the therapist that meant husband and I were to blame, she told me to stop and back up. Invalidating parents means that our difficult child did not get the validation that she was looking for or needed but that didn't mean that we did anything wrong. The way that we raised our children worked for easy child but did not work for difficult child. She explained it as we were talking French and difficult child was talking German and we just weren't getting each other. I liked the language analogy. So let go of the blame game and start taking care of yourself. Our difficult child is 25 and has no place to live and is trying very hard to get us to let her come back or give her money to rent an apartment. It is very hard but we are standing our ground this time. Your difficult child is 26 and mentally ill. That's a fact that you can't change. Read through the links that Nomad talked about. I found it very helpful and think it is time that I go back and read them again. You asked for us to tell you that there is hope. Hope that your child will stop being mentally ill? Probably not. But there is hope for you to have a happy life in spite of your son's illness. Some of us have become very good at compartmentalizing our childrens' problems and not letting them spill over and take over our lives. It is something that you have to work on but can be done. {{{Hugs}}} ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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