Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I messed up, fiance moved out and now I don't know what to do
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="pajamas" data-source="post: 500189" data-attributes="member: 13499"><p>You're just over 30, which is a more challenging age than anybody every tells you in advance, and maybe your fiance is around the same age, too? It's a time of change, and or reevaluating what you want out of life. You can see by the signature lines that many of us are a bit older... and many of us were once where you are now, or are trying to help our kids through similar things. My DSD, Meg, is also 31, and also struggling with major decisions on relationships, jobs, children, and even, which state to live in. I was in a similar state - way too many years ago. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> Things will get better - it just might take a couple of years. My key advice to her is to pick one problem at at time. It's really, really hard with so many things up in the air, but once she's found a direction/answer for one problem, just one, the others seem easier.</p><p></p><p>Here's the tough love part: your fiance didn't leave (just) because of the ferret. If it was about the animal, he could just have said "I'm going to my mother's/friend's/etc. house. I'm mad - call me when it's gone." Your tag line says ADD. My guess - as a fellow ADDer - is that the ferret is a signal to him that (once again) you forgot about him or did something impulsive without taking him into account. I'M NOT SAYING HE'S RIGHT. Just that he might see it that way. Or, it could be about his relationship with his mother and her animals as you suggest. Whatever the case, it's probably not about this particular ferret at this particular time. He may be seeing it as symbolic of other problems in your relationship, and fear that this isn't the kind of marriage he wants to sign up for. (I warned it was the tough love part.) </p><p></p><p>IF he gets you in other ways, if you generally feel loved and understood, and not like you're walking on eggshells, make the apologies and try to see if he can tell you why this is such a deal-breaker for him (really listen). And then see what you can do TOGETHER to prevent this from happening again.</p><p></p><p>You don't say what exactly you trained for, but you may need to explore a related career for just a little while so you can get your daughter to school - OR once you find a job, there may be a before/after-school childcare mom or program where you can drop her early and they'll take her to school (we have those here). If it's ahospital-based job, there may be other parents with similar challenges. Either way, it sounds like that's a worry, not a current problem. For now, drop her off at school as (I assume) you've been doing and focus on finding a job - then you can worry about childcare.</p><p></p><p>It might be worth checking into the ADD medications, too - or at least consider the possibility (though I'm no one to talk). </p><p></p><p>Remember - things WILL get better - it just may take awhile. </p><p></p><p>PJ</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pajamas, post: 500189, member: 13499"] You're just over 30, which is a more challenging age than anybody every tells you in advance, and maybe your fiance is around the same age, too? It's a time of change, and or reevaluating what you want out of life. You can see by the signature lines that many of us are a bit older... and many of us were once where you are now, or are trying to help our kids through similar things. My DSD, Meg, is also 31, and also struggling with major decisions on relationships, jobs, children, and even, which state to live in. I was in a similar state - way too many years ago. :) Things will get better - it just might take a couple of years. My key advice to her is to pick one problem at at time. It's really, really hard with so many things up in the air, but once she's found a direction/answer for one problem, just one, the others seem easier. Here's the tough love part: your fiance didn't leave (just) because of the ferret. If it was about the animal, he could just have said "I'm going to my mother's/friend's/etc. house. I'm mad - call me when it's gone." Your tag line says ADD. My guess - as a fellow ADDer - is that the ferret is a signal to him that (once again) you forgot about him or did something impulsive without taking him into account. I'M NOT SAYING HE'S RIGHT. Just that he might see it that way. Or, it could be about his relationship with his mother and her animals as you suggest. Whatever the case, it's probably not about this particular ferret at this particular time. He may be seeing it as symbolic of other problems in your relationship, and fear that this isn't the kind of marriage he wants to sign up for. (I warned it was the tough love part.) IF he gets you in other ways, if you generally feel loved and understood, and not like you're walking on eggshells, make the apologies and try to see if he can tell you why this is such a deal-breaker for him (really listen). And then see what you can do TOGETHER to prevent this from happening again. You don't say what exactly you trained for, but you may need to explore a related career for just a little while so you can get your daughter to school - OR once you find a job, there may be a before/after-school childcare mom or program where you can drop her early and they'll take her to school (we have those here). If it's ahospital-based job, there may be other parents with similar challenges. Either way, it sounds like that's a worry, not a current problem. For now, drop her off at school as (I assume) you've been doing and focus on finding a job - then you can worry about childcare. It might be worth checking into the ADD medications, too - or at least consider the possibility (though I'm no one to talk). Remember - things WILL get better - it just may take awhile. PJ [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
I messed up, fiance moved out and now I don't know what to do
Top