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General Parenting
I messed up, fiance moved out and now I don't know what to do
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 500837" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Warm wishes and hugs to you. You are getting some sound advice here and you've been willing to hear it and make changes, good for you, that is a real sign of maturity and health. I agree with continuing therapy and getting therapy with your fiancee. As an older woman whose been in similar situations with my difficult daughter, I can say that therapy really helped me a lot over the years and as someone mentioned, your age can be a challenging time. One thing that I recently learned is that doing things out of guilt over a divorce for my daughter only served to hinder her and set up a negative connection. In my codependency course I've learned that the difference between doing something out of codependency versus loving kindness, is that loving kindness FEELS GOOD, and codependency feels bad. A good distinction to know. Don't enable your daughter, get some codependency and/or parenting help to not raise her with your guilt. This is all hard and you've already been through so much, but you're listening and your willing, so stay grounded, breathe, talk to your therapist, you're doing well, keep up the good work. Blessings and prayers to you, your little girl and your fiancee.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 500837, member: 13542"] Warm wishes and hugs to you. You are getting some sound advice here and you've been willing to hear it and make changes, good for you, that is a real sign of maturity and health. I agree with continuing therapy and getting therapy with your fiancee. As an older woman whose been in similar situations with my difficult daughter, I can say that therapy really helped me a lot over the years and as someone mentioned, your age can be a challenging time. One thing that I recently learned is that doing things out of guilt over a divorce for my daughter only served to hinder her and set up a negative connection. In my codependency course I've learned that the difference between doing something out of codependency versus loving kindness, is that loving kindness FEELS GOOD, and codependency feels bad. A good distinction to know. Don't enable your daughter, get some codependency and/or parenting help to not raise her with your guilt. This is all hard and you've already been through so much, but you're listening and your willing, so stay grounded, breathe, talk to your therapist, you're doing well, keep up the good work. Blessings and prayers to you, your little girl and your fiancee. [/QUOTE]
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I messed up, fiance moved out and now I don't know what to do
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