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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 283230" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>OK Lisa, truth time.</p><p></p><p>Yes, you are a loving friend. Yes, you are doing what I probablywould do - offering to go to NA with her.</p><p></p><p>But although you know all the despicable things she has done, you still don't know it all. And I strongly believe - she has learnt, years ago, to work out what people want to her, and tell that to them. If you could compare notes with all the people in her life you would find other things you don't currently suspect.</p><p></p><p>When she's talking to you, she wants to quit. Honestly. It's all she wants. But when she's with her mother, she needs to score. Not to increase her dose, just enough to stop her from going into really nasty withdrawal. Or maybe her mother doesn't realise it's for heroin. Although from what you say about her background - who knows? But 40 bucks a day won't buy enough heroin to keep a really serious addict happy. There's a lot more to that, than I think you are being told.</p><p></p><p>She wanted to call her mother and tell her. So right away, she's not making the choice to go to NA for herself, she is still trying to make other people happy. She tells you what she thinks you expect/want to hear in order to keep you happy; she wants to call her mother and let her know about the decision to go to NA, to make her mother happy. You did the right thing to reinforce that she must do this for herself.</p><p></p><p>By all means go along with her, but this will be VERY difficult for her, there is a lot more to her story than I tihnk she has told you and at some point she is going to have to let go these last secrets. That won't be easy for her. Denial is just a river in Egypt for some people.</p><p></p><p>Go carefully, don't let yourself get hurt.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 283230, member: 1991"] OK Lisa, truth time. Yes, you are a loving friend. Yes, you are doing what I probablywould do - offering to go to NA with her. But although you know all the despicable things she has done, you still don't know it all. And I strongly believe - she has learnt, years ago, to work out what people want to her, and tell that to them. If you could compare notes with all the people in her life you would find other things you don't currently suspect. When she's talking to you, she wants to quit. Honestly. It's all she wants. But when she's with her mother, she needs to score. Not to increase her dose, just enough to stop her from going into really nasty withdrawal. Or maybe her mother doesn't realise it's for heroin. Although from what you say about her background - who knows? But 40 bucks a day won't buy enough heroin to keep a really serious addict happy. There's a lot more to that, than I think you are being told. She wanted to call her mother and tell her. So right away, she's not making the choice to go to NA for herself, she is still trying to make other people happy. She tells you what she thinks you expect/want to hear in order to keep you happy; she wants to call her mother and let her know about the decision to go to NA, to make her mother happy. You did the right thing to reinforce that she must do this for herself. By all means go along with her, but this will be VERY difficult for her, there is a lot more to her story than I tihnk she has told you and at some point she is going to have to let go these last secrets. That won't be easy for her. Denial is just a river in Egypt for some people. Go carefully, don't let yourself get hurt. Marg [/QUOTE]
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