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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 66116" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>We adopted six kids, three from Human Resources. Two are gone. One was eleven years old and so messed up that he was sexually abusing my little ones and killed our dog, along with other things. The other little boy was adopted after him and, at the time, we weren't sure if he was also part of the abuse so we asked that they both be taken to a hospital to sort it out. Then they put THAT child (it turned out he had been a victim of the eleven year old too) in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and then foster care. He ended up out of our home longer than he'd been in it, and bonded to his new foster family, so we let him go. The other one was too dangerous to have at home. We haven't seen him since--he was eleven when he came and had NO diagnosis, was known as a great kid. He fooled us for three years and his foster mother before us for five years. NOBODY suspected. The foster mom before us had her own Day Care and he used to like to "help" her with the kids. She fell apart when she found out that this boy, whom she'd loved, had abused her daycare kids.</p><p>My guess is they will never know why your child is the way he is. WIth kids from "the system" there are so many variables that they don't know about. Our info on our kids was never complete. You don't know if the birthmother abused alcohol so badly that the child is affected by alcohol. In that case, kids who are Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) don't understand right from wrong, and need almost constant care to keep out of trouble. They usually have attachment issues by age six--and it doesn't help that your hub hasn't bonded to him, but I'm not sure it would have mattered if he had. I agree with not worrying about labels because, as complicated as your child is combined with his life before you ever got him, I'm betting there is no way to figure out the entire picture. I'd treat the symptoms and, if necessary, I would do Residential Treatment Center (RTC). </p><p>I always tell potential adoptive parents now to adopt babies. The older kids we adopted never worked out in the end (see my easy child from Hong Kong). The babies all bonded to us as if they'd been our birthkids. Have you ever read books on older adopted kids and attachment disorders? I can't remember the names of the books I've read or I'd recommend one. There are websites though. (((Hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 66116, member: 1550"] We adopted six kids, three from Human Resources. Two are gone. One was eleven years old and so messed up that he was sexually abusing my little ones and killed our dog, along with other things. The other little boy was adopted after him and, at the time, we weren't sure if he was also part of the abuse so we asked that they both be taken to a hospital to sort it out. Then they put THAT child (it turned out he had been a victim of the eleven year old too) in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and then foster care. He ended up out of our home longer than he'd been in it, and bonded to his new foster family, so we let him go. The other one was too dangerous to have at home. We haven't seen him since--he was eleven when he came and had NO diagnosis, was known as a great kid. He fooled us for three years and his foster mother before us for five years. NOBODY suspected. The foster mom before us had her own Day Care and he used to like to "help" her with the kids. She fell apart when she found out that this boy, whom she'd loved, had abused her daycare kids. My guess is they will never know why your child is the way he is. WIth kids from "the system" there are so many variables that they don't know about. Our info on our kids was never complete. You don't know if the birthmother abused alcohol so badly that the child is affected by alcohol. In that case, kids who are Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE) don't understand right from wrong, and need almost constant care to keep out of trouble. They usually have attachment issues by age six--and it doesn't help that your hub hasn't bonded to him, but I'm not sure it would have mattered if he had. I agree with not worrying about labels because, as complicated as your child is combined with his life before you ever got him, I'm betting there is no way to figure out the entire picture. I'd treat the symptoms and, if necessary, I would do Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I always tell potential adoptive parents now to adopt babies. The older kids we adopted never worked out in the end (see my easy child from Hong Kong). The babies all bonded to us as if they'd been our birthkids. Have you ever read books on older adopted kids and attachment disorders? I can't remember the names of the books I've read or I'd recommend one. There are websites though. (((Hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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