I need a little support

tiredmommy

Well-Known Member
mother in law is beginning to fail rapidly, all signs point to her death within the next two weeks. And because of this, husband is angry, bitter and taking it all out on me. :crying:
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
Big, soft hugs and a soft shoulder...

It's so hard when you have to be strong for Duckie... and then be super-strong for husband... and you're carrying a fair bit of the load yourself. When family dynamics are a challenge, times like this become super difficult for all involved...

Know that our thoughts are with you.
 

Hound dog

Nana's are Beautiful
So sorry TM. It's a fairly typical male response. husband did it too.

I hope she's able to go as peacefully as possible.

Keeping you all in my thoughts and my prayers.
 

cubsgirl

Well-Known Member
Many prayers and ((hugs)). My husband would act like that too - he doesn't handle stressful events really well. I'm so sorry that your family is going through this.
 

InsaneCdn

Well-Known Member
TM - If I remember the picture from other posts... he didn't get what he needed from his family situation when growing up (like many of us...). Which means that he doesn't KNOW what he needs now. All he knows is that something just kicked the legs out from under him... blame goes flying in every direction. It's part of grieving, and it (the blame game) is often worse for men.

Is there any grief support network available? Even for you, if husband won't go... they might be able to support you in supporting him...
 

buddy

New Member
Really sorry for mother in law. You can be understanding and try to let it go ....but it hurts to be the one that things are taken out on. And it's his mom but she's your family too ....can't be easy to say goodbye. Thinking of you .....hugs, Dee
 

Lothlorien

Active Member
I'm sorry. I know you've been going and doing things with Duckie, plus working. Sounds like you need to make some excuse for you to just get out of the house and do something for yourself. Sending supportive hugs. I hope she passes quickly and peacefully.
 

Marcie Mac

Just Plain Ole Tired
Sorry TM. SO gets testy about his mom sometimes - I get the "but I promised her I would take care of her" and now WE have her in a home. The "taking care of" stuff was done by me, and I was pushing him to get her placed before my surgery next week as there is absolutely no way I can be lifting her with abdominal surgery - I already developed a hernia from my surgery in January they now have to fix as well because she is obese, and he blew out his back when she fell twice trying to let her hit the floor gently.

SO is always going thru the "what could I have done better" senario but when he gets put out with me, I try and keep in mind he is feeling guilty, especially when she gets on a roll about how she should have stayed in Arizona where she had friends and people who loved her, and now I am here in this home.

Its probably going to be hard for your husband for a while..

Hugs
Marcie
 

StressedM0mma

Active Member
Hugs and Prayers TM. I hope your mother in law passes peacefully, and your husband comes to terms with his feelings, so that you are spared the verbal vomit.
 

klmno

Active Member
I'm sorry for your whole family. I hope you can just let all the raw emotion and inappropriate remarks or whatever from your husband just roll off your back thru this difficult period. That doens't mean you aren't going thru your own struggles and emotions, too- I'm sure you're catching the brunt of a lot right now. ((HUGS))
 

Wiped Out

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Tm-Sending hugs and prayers your way. I know this is such a difficult time with-o having husband take things out on you.
 

hearts and roses

Mind Reader
Oh my, sounds very much like my H when his dad was dying. I caught the brunt of it and when I tried to explain to him, he turned it all around. Difficult to do, but I had to enact my detachment skills quickly so I could be both supportive but steer clear. Hugs, I'm so sorry-this is just a tough spot to be in at a very difficult time.
 

tiredmommy

Well-Known Member
He's been very passive-aggressive and demeaning. I nearly walked out last night (only the thought of Duckie stopped me). I feel useless and defeated.
 

DammitJanet

Well-Known Member
Family members dying is so hard. I know when my dad died my family almost went to pieces. I was a wreck, Cory fell completely apart because I dont think he really let himself accept it and felt he had let the man down so badly, and the boys just fought constantly and drove Tony and I batty as hell. I really was probably hard to deal with most likely. I thought everyone should leave me in peace and let me be. I had to write the eulogy and deal with the fact my dad had just died. Why people that was the appropriate time to fuss at me over hamburgers was beyond me. LOL.

I imagine that is kinda what your husband is feeling like right now.
 
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