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I need advice, please
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 458246"><p>Hugs Rainbird. That is very very hard. I agree you need to find ways to detach and also not take her vitriol and bad bebehavior personally. I know that may feel impossible but really her words and behavior say a whole lot about her and where she is at and really nothing about you and really very little about your relationship with her. It says something about how she is feeling right now this very minute, but nothing about her true feelings or long term feelings about you. </p><p></p><p>So yes let it go. Do not respond. You do not need to get into a discussion of it right now. She is in no place to do that and you do not need to apologize at ALL for anything. You have been a good caring mom to her. Your ex is nuts and does need to rethink what happens when your son goes over there.</p><p></p><p>At some point in a couple of weeks I probably would send her a short, sweet, message..... something like "How is it going?". </p><p></p><p>I know where you are. I have been there and it is so very painful. My son once put a horrible, vile message on his fb status about me. I hated it because other people, including family members would see it. I ignored it and never said a word about it. I did not react. My relationship with my son right now is better than it has been. I would not call it close as he does not share much personal info with me at this point but he calls us when he needs something and it is ok.... and he gives me a hug goodbye. I hope someday when he gets his life together that we can be closer but I know that is going to take some time..... and he has a lot of personal work to do first. BUT I have gotten to that place where I no longer take his behavor personally and that makes a huge difference. You need to find ways to go on and enjoy life in spite of what is happening with her.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 458246"] Hugs Rainbird. That is very very hard. I agree you need to find ways to detach and also not take her vitriol and bad bebehavior personally. I know that may feel impossible but really her words and behavior say a whole lot about her and where she is at and really nothing about you and really very little about your relationship with her. It says something about how she is feeling right now this very minute, but nothing about her true feelings or long term feelings about you. So yes let it go. Do not respond. You do not need to get into a discussion of it right now. She is in no place to do that and you do not need to apologize at ALL for anything. You have been a good caring mom to her. Your ex is nuts and does need to rethink what happens when your son goes over there. At some point in a couple of weeks I probably would send her a short, sweet, message..... something like "How is it going?". I know where you are. I have been there and it is so very painful. My son once put a horrible, vile message on his fb status about me. I hated it because other people, including family members would see it. I ignored it and never said a word about it. I did not react. My relationship with my son right now is better than it has been. I would not call it close as he does not share much personal info with me at this point but he calls us when he needs something and it is ok.... and he gives me a hug goodbye. I hope someday when he gets his life together that we can be closer but I know that is going to take some time..... and he has a lot of personal work to do first. BUT I have gotten to that place where I no longer take his behavor personally and that makes a huge difference. You need to find ways to go on and enjoy life in spite of what is happening with her. TL [/QUOTE]
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