DD1 had a mini depressive episode tonight (forgot her melatonin, and the intrusive thoughts attacked) She was talking about how EVERYONE leaves her. She wouldn't open up about who r what she meant, so I took a deep breath and asked if she meant Dad. Yes, she said, oh, and her friend A. Well, A is a kid and her mom had to go somewhere else to make a better life, so A had to go too. Dad, well dads aren't supposed to eave their kids, are they? No Sometimes they do leave the moms, but they still shouldn't leave the kids, huh? No So I discussed the fact that just how she and I and son have odd 'issues', so does Dad, but I'm not exactly sure what they are, and it isn't right, but that's the way it is, and even though he doesn't show it like a Dad should, he does love her (lame, but true). Went through the whole spiel of how she's allowed to feel anything she wants, but I know sometimes we feel things we think we shouldn't, and that it can be scary, but it's OK, and that's why she goes to the therapist and can talk about the feelings when they are not overwhelming her. Then she asked specifically why he left? I only have one answer for that - He was doing something REALLY, REALLY, REALLY unacceptable, and I told him to stop, and he didn't want to, so he left so he could continue ding that thing. But what EXACTLY was he doing???????????? I can NOT tell her. Not now. If I ever do decide to tell the kids, it will be with a therapist at a family session, after I have thoroughly discussed it with therapist privately. They only asked once about having an extended visit with him, over vacation, you know, like other kids get? I told them that it's my job to keep them safe, and Dad's living situation is not acceptable at all because he is still doing that REALLY, REALLY, REALLY bad thing. If there ever comes a time when he stops it, they will get to go visit. Do you kids trust me to do what's right for you? Yes Mom. tdocs have told me that these are perfectly fine answers because they are indeed true. tdocs know the whole scoop. I have not yet had the opportunity to discuss the ramifications of telling/not telling the kids the whole story. (was going to take some time today to discuss it because it was supposed t be just me and therapist, but today's appointment got canceled, and next one is in July) I'm very sorry, but at the moment I cannot spill the beans here either. Although I'm very comfortable saying almost anything here, and the "secret" doesn't affect me directly, I am concerned (paranoid) about the kids finding out (being told) in an inappropriate manner. There is no 'made for TV' movie about my situation, and extensive internet searches got me some fringe information, but nothing on how it would specifically affect my kids. I'm in uncharted waters, and therapist probably won't be much help either, but that's the best Ill be able to do. So, I know I'm shooting in the dark here, but does anyone have any ideas of how to reword, rephrase, or restate my vague but true answers? I just need to buy a little time until I can have a serious chat with therapist about this.