I need evil revenge ideas

[Abbey]

I've had the last two days off, but the day before I worked I had a lovely prankster mess with me ALL day long. (I think it's because he caught on to me sabotaging the bagger test.)

We are required to greet EVERY person, whether it be a customer or coworker within 10 feet of us. Well, lovely Matt told all the new recruits that I wanted to be called Grandma. So, about every 10 seconds I hear, "Hey Grandma! Grandma...what aisle is the mustard? Grandma can I go on break?" My customers must think I have a zillion kids.

Next he comes up and pats me on the back just normal chit chat. In about 2 minutes every person within 30 feet of me is dying laughing. I'm like...what? Whats so funny?

He put a sign on my back that said: I'M NEW AND NOT SO SMART. BEWARE.

Toss in him throwing peanuts at the back of my head while I'm helping customers.

The kicker, though, was when I went to leave. My CAR WAS GONE. I'm flipping out! I had my keys, so I was pretty sure I drove that day. I go back inside the store and I'm frantic. Someone stole my car!! I flip open my cell to call the police and he couldn't keep a straight face. That little bugger went in my purse (remember, no one locks anything here), got my keys and moved my car across the street! Then, put my keys back.

So, I need some good revenge ideas. I swear...when I go in today, the first person who calls me Grandma is going to get a roll of toilet paper shoved in their mouth.

Abbey

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Let me think on this.

It will be worth the wait.

 

[Lothlorien]

I am just sitting here, howling!!!

 

[tiredmommy]

Laxative in his lunch. Exploding soda. You get the idea.

 

[Marguerite]

Let's see - are you taking all this as light humour, or are you really tee'd off with him? Because what he is doing could be seen as workplace harassment and bullying. If you simply go get him back, you're lowering yourself to his level. OK, I've been there done that and did similar things with the blokes at work when they began to be sexist and harassed me - I just harassed them back, with a grin on my face. "Of course, you know I'm JOKING. What, you can't see the joke? Typical male, no sense of humour..." type of thing. Like, they would have their naked women pin-ups everywhere, so I hunted around to find naked male pin-ups that didn't actually show any naughty bits (it had all been fig-leafed or air-brushed out).

However, times have changed and regulations have tightened. What this co-worker is doing, is bad for morale, bad for business and frankly, moving your car like that is theft. He went into your handbag (what if you discover that money is missing? Or maybe even announce tomorrow that you're missing several hundred bucks form your wallet, has anyone been seen going through your handbag?) without your permission, he moved your car without your permission (and his prints are probably all over it).

By joking back, you're giving him permission, after the fact.

I'd be taking him aside and making it clear - OK, he might think it's cute, maybe even humorous but he won't be laughing if he does this to someone else in the future and they don't find it funny. He could find himself with a police record and no job.

Marg

 

[hearts and roses]

I am with Marg on this one. The grandma bit was cutesy and even the sign on your back...but going into your personal belongings and taking your car keys and moving your car and then returning into your bag?? That's not funny. Not only did it cause your blood pressure to rise, but you almost called the police.

I think you need to tell him he crossed a line. That you can take a joke, but that he went too far. And if he doesn't take you seriously, THEN I'm sure you will get a few good ideas.

There is always the off chance that if you stoop to his level, he will turn the tables on you. Be careful. He sounds a little more than just your average prankster to me. He sounds like a jerk, lol.

You are older and a warrior mom, so you could likely pull something off and keep a straight face. The possibilities are endless as to how you can get back at him! I really love the laxative in his lunch. Or replace his good milk with soured milk and then offer him milk and cookies. You may need an accomplice to pull it off. Potato in his tailpipe. Photoshop anyone? Can you get a hold of his picture, scan it and make it naughty and hang it up in the employee lounge. Put a pair of men's sexy panties in his locker for the world to see. Place an ad for the information board that he's a 'single male seeking like minded single male for long walks on the beach, moonlit dinners, and adventures in the bedroom with his cell phone number at the bottom and a by-line that reads "All calls kept confidential". Does he have a gym bag? Replace all his workout clothes with women's work out clothes. Fill his water bottle with vodka. bring in some baked goods for everyone, but only offer him the side with loads of pepper in it. I'm getting mean now. Good luck!

 

[Abbey]

Oh, I LOVE the laxative idea.

No, Marg...it's all in humor. Honestly, the entire work force there jokes around and has good fun. I don't have to worry about getting money stolen - there is never any in there.

Keep em' coming!

Abbey

 

[Abbey]

JoG...you DO have an evil side!

Abbey

 

[Hound dog]

Exlax brownies. Substitute some exlax squares for chocolate.

Believe me...........he won't bother you again.

 

[Abbey]

Actually, the BEST revenge would be for me to take the sports channel out of the line up in the break room. He lives and breaths the Badgers. He comes in on his day off to watch the game because he doesn't have cable.

But, I would probably a slow death by the other guys who can find nothing other to do than watch sports.

Abbey

 

[Hound dog]

Does he smoke? There are these things at Spencers you can put in the end of his cigarettes that "explode" once he lites it and takes a draw. Nichole and boyfriend did that one to me, like to scared me to death.

Fart powder. Clear substance. Put in liquid. Makes you fart all day.

 

[Hound dog]

Can you tamper with the clocks? Lots of things can be done if you can. muewwwwhaaaaaaaaa

 

[Abbey]

FART POWDER??? ARE YOU KIDDING? I HAVE TO WORK WITH HIM!!
Hey's my assigned bagger. Lucky me. Wait...I could put it in a soda when the shift is over. Yeah...I like that. Now I have to go shopping. Let's see...laxatives, fart powder, exploding cigarettes.

 

[WhymeMom?]

Well, you realize once you do something back he will want to "one-up-you"..... Guess I would do the opposite and be sweet as pie, on my guard against the back sign, but just make him wait for the "boom"........ Keep him on guard and nervous, hinting at things, but never actually doing anything....... bringing in donuts and suggesting they have ex-lax, but not actually doing it...... paranoia is the best revenge!!

 

[Shari]

I like why me's idea....

We once stole a girl's driver's license, photocopied the picture from it, blew it up really big, and plastered it EVERYWHERE. Probably wouldn't bother a guy so much, but you could try to nab his license and see if it looks more like a mug shot than most...

 

[susiestar]

NO LAXATIVES IN HIS FOOD!!! I am very serious - this is considered poisoning!!!

Other things can be fun, but he REALLY crossed a line by moving your car. THIS needs to be stopped, not amped up. Sorry if I am a killjoy, but while some is just a prank, other things can be dangerous.

Either tell the guy to knock it off or report it to management. Or tell him and if it doesn't stop ASAP then report him.

 

[Hound dog]

Problem with the brownies.......can't be sure only he'd eat them.

And Susie, it's considered poisoning?? How? I mean, you're barely putting enough in to give him a case of the trots. But I suppose if someone wanted to push the issue.......

 

[susiestar]

Lisa,

Some medications don't mix with laxatives. And some people have health problems that could also make it dangerous - think dehydration. Also, laxatives are a medication. Anytime you give someone a medication with-o their knowledge/consent it can be considered poisoning. There are specific warnings on laxative packages for a reason.

Here is a story about someone charged with a felony for lacing brownies with laxatives. http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,252538,00.html

 

[Abbey]

Any evils plans were nil today. I ended up getting sick to my stomach. After throwing up 3 times...I thought it was time to go home. But wait...there is more to this lovely day.

I buy a gallon of milk and am walking to my car, purse in one hand, milk in the other. I'm trying to find my keys and happened to find the ONLY 3 centimeter wedge in the sidewalk. I face planted SOOO bad. Contents of purse go flying into the street, I can barely get up, some lady runs up to see if I'm ok and what did I do? Throw up again. By this time it was pretty much dry heaves.

So now I have road rash all up and down my left arm. I haven't even taken my clothes off. I can only imagine what my legs look like.

I think I'm going to bed.

Abbey

 

[meowbunny]

Personally, I'd go for the paranoia bit. Bring him some brownies. After he's eaten one or two tell him you added the laxative. Warn him to watch his back because he'll never know when you're coming after him. Revenge truly is a dish best served cold. Make the boy sweat.