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I need help talking to and setting limits with my son. Ongoing. Thanks.
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 663081" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Thank you everybody.</p><p></p><p>My son called me. (It is now almost the end of the month. He has not made it through the month once that I know about it with food money. However, he has paid for a place to stay for the past 4 months. Marginal, but indoors. This latest place is the most stable and suitable. He is with a grandma who is a recovering meth addict. She is a believer and will not tolerate his marijuana use. Her grandchildren are in and out and my son likes them. She cares about my son and the rent she is charging him is reasonable.)</p><p></p><p>SON: Mom, can I borrow a few dollars?</p><p></p><p>ME: I'm sorry but I do not have even a dollar on me. Sorry.</p><p></p><p>SON: Mom, do you have any spare meat or chicken?</p><p></p><p>ME: Let me check. I know I don't have much. I have 3 packages of chicken. Will that help you out?</p><p></p><p>SON: Yes. Thank you.</p><p></p><p>I already told him he cannot come over here anymore. He has been aggressive and non-compliant with rules.</p><p></p><p>My SO made it clear to me that I am again bailing him out. That my son wants his cake and to eat it too. Call the shots. Have no accountability or responsibility but have somebody there (me) to pick up the slack. He sees how hard it is for me to refuse my son food, but where will it stop, he asks?</p><p></p><p>I am just so concerned. My son is not on anti-virals for his liver with no availability of an appointment with the Hepatologist for 2 months.</p><p></p><p>I am concerned about his mental state. </p><p></p><p>I am so grateful when he is not hostile to me.</p><p></p><p>How much can I take?</p><p></p><p>If I talk to my son about not making it through the month with money he always has a justification or an excuse. And did so again this evening when I brought it up.</p><p></p><p>He turns it around on me and makes it like I am abandoning him and he does not have a mother. He then as if threatens me that he won't bother me anymore and he will go off into the sunset and never call me again. I know it is pure manipulation but it works. I get discombobulated and confused.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry I am such a difficult detachment parenting case. I see what I am doing wrong. I just do not know how to change it.</p><p></p><p>We have decided to leave the state to see if we can put about 40 states between us. I am hopeful that will help. But my son still will be able to call me when he has no food and money. I need to bulk up. It is his choice to not have a payee. Does he not need to take responsibility for that choice?</p><p></p><p>Thank you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 663081, member: 18958"] Thank you everybody. My son called me. (It is now almost the end of the month. He has not made it through the month once that I know about it with food money. However, he has paid for a place to stay for the past 4 months. Marginal, but indoors. This latest place is the most stable and suitable. He is with a grandma who is a recovering meth addict. She is a believer and will not tolerate his marijuana use. Her grandchildren are in and out and my son likes them. She cares about my son and the rent she is charging him is reasonable.) SON: Mom, can I borrow a few dollars? ME: I'm sorry but I do not have even a dollar on me. Sorry. SON: Mom, do you have any spare meat or chicken? ME: Let me check. I know I don't have much. I have 3 packages of chicken. Will that help you out? SON: Yes. Thank you. I already told him he cannot come over here anymore. He has been aggressive and non-compliant with rules. My SO made it clear to me that I am again bailing him out. That my son wants his cake and to eat it too. Call the shots. Have no accountability or responsibility but have somebody there (me) to pick up the slack. He sees how hard it is for me to refuse my son food, but where will it stop, he asks? I am just so concerned. My son is not on anti-virals for his liver with no availability of an appointment with the Hepatologist for 2 months. I am concerned about his mental state. I am so grateful when he is not hostile to me. How much can I take? If I talk to my son about not making it through the month with money he always has a justification or an excuse. And did so again this evening when I brought it up. He turns it around on me and makes it like I am abandoning him and he does not have a mother. He then as if threatens me that he won't bother me anymore and he will go off into the sunset and never call me again. I know it is pure manipulation but it works. I get discombobulated and confused. I am sorry I am such a difficult detachment parenting case. I see what I am doing wrong. I just do not know how to change it. We have decided to leave the state to see if we can put about 40 states between us. I am hopeful that will help. But my son still will be able to call me when he has no food and money. I need to bulk up. It is his choice to not have a payee. Does he not need to take responsibility for that choice? Thank you. [/QUOTE]
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I need help talking to and setting limits with my son. Ongoing. Thanks.
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