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Substance Abuse
I NEED HELP with- MY 17 YEAR OLD step-DAUGHTER!
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<blockquote data-quote="dirobb" data-source="post: 164984" data-attributes="member: 2858"><p>I mulled over posting, I don't want to be negative. </p><p></p><p>I am also a stepmom but my difficult child did not come to live with us until she was 14 after 2 years she is no longer with us. Her mom undermined everything we tried to accomplish. We were hopeful at first as her mom was in jail unfortunately they let her out. There was nothing we could do and difficult child repeatedly told us at 17 she was leaving. We made it to 2 1/2 months before. </p><p></p><p>But husband had enough and sent her back to her mom. We had all the lies, staying over at a friends with a permissive mom who let them do whatever.(after she was gone we found out the true extent--had we known all we would not have let her go and probably would have had her in the psychiatric hospital and filed for a some type of help...though these have not worked out for us in the past)</p><p></p><p>I don't have any answers for you. But if she is back at her biomoms there could be underlying & undermining stuff going on also. If she is not on the same page as you and husband you wont get through to difficult child. </p><p></p><p>I know it is heatbreaking to pour all of yourself in and then they just insist on sabotaging their futures. It is so hard to detach and let them live with the choices they have made. This is what we have decided. We cant change her. We cant force her to be who we want her to be. </p><p></p><p>One of the other warrior moms said it best. We have to let go of the dreams we had for them. Grieve for that. Accept her for who she is (warts and all). That does not mean to condone what she does. Just let her know you love her and keep the door open for communication. Be a safe harbor if she needs to come to you. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes I think we get caught up in trying to force them into our mold and we push them out from being able to reach out to us out of fear of disappointing us. (well maybe not all difficult child's rationalize this way...ours is trying to prove to us she will make it on her own. We have already have had a call about how they have no money. Although her mom was always telling her how much money she made while difficult child was living with us.)</p><p></p><p>We are still processing. </p><p></p><p>Again, I dont have any real answers for you. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. Your post reminded me of my daughter. I cant tell you how much I cried. Loss of her, her future, we can see the writing on the walls and it looks bleak. I truly feel for you. Sendling you big hugs. </p><p></p><p>Remember to keep your others safe and it may be for the best that they are not witnessing is first hand.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dirobb, post: 164984, member: 2858"] I mulled over posting, I don't want to be negative. I am also a stepmom but my difficult child did not come to live with us until she was 14 after 2 years she is no longer with us. Her mom undermined everything we tried to accomplish. We were hopeful at first as her mom was in jail unfortunately they let her out. There was nothing we could do and difficult child repeatedly told us at 17 she was leaving. We made it to 2 1/2 months before. But husband had enough and sent her back to her mom. We had all the lies, staying over at a friends with a permissive mom who let them do whatever.(after she was gone we found out the true extent--had we known all we would not have let her go and probably would have had her in the psychiatric hospital and filed for a some type of help...though these have not worked out for us in the past) I don't have any answers for you. But if she is back at her biomoms there could be underlying & undermining stuff going on also. If she is not on the same page as you and husband you wont get through to difficult child. I know it is heatbreaking to pour all of yourself in and then they just insist on sabotaging their futures. It is so hard to detach and let them live with the choices they have made. This is what we have decided. We cant change her. We cant force her to be who we want her to be. One of the other warrior moms said it best. We have to let go of the dreams we had for them. Grieve for that. Accept her for who she is (warts and all). That does not mean to condone what she does. Just let her know you love her and keep the door open for communication. Be a safe harbor if she needs to come to you. Sometimes I think we get caught up in trying to force them into our mold and we push them out from being able to reach out to us out of fear of disappointing us. (well maybe not all difficult child's rationalize this way...ours is trying to prove to us she will make it on her own. We have already have had a call about how they have no money. Although her mom was always telling her how much money she made while difficult child was living with us.) We are still processing. Again, I dont have any real answers for you. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. Your post reminded me of my daughter. I cant tell you how much I cried. Loss of her, her future, we can see the writing on the walls and it looks bleak. I truly feel for you. Sendling you big hugs. Remember to keep your others safe and it may be for the best that they are not witnessing is first hand. [/QUOTE]
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I NEED HELP with- MY 17 YEAR OLD step-DAUGHTER!
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