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<blockquote data-quote="rlsnights" data-source="post: 413900" data-attributes="member: 7948"><p>Welcome. Sorry to hear things are so hard and you are alone to deal with it most of the time.</p><p></p><p>I'm going to offer you my thoughts and it will be a lot to take in. Others will do the same. You might want to print out our posts so you can take your time to think about the suggestions and questions you have. You can also search through other posts. Hopefully one of the moderators will respond and direct you to the book lists and forum resources like the parent report. I'm a little hazy on where you find those.</p><p></p><p>I understand you don't have any nearby resources. But, you have a kid who is going to need some in depth assessment I think. Based on my own experiences, your difficult child sounds like he may have issues with sensory integration (touching but not wanting to be touched, the soap and tooth brushing issues), perspective taking (can't figure out why you won't give him what he wants or recognize when other people are sending him clues he is out of line or respond with appropriate emotion to teacher), impulsiveness - and those could be masking an underlying psychological or development condition. That's a lot of very different behaviors and I could suggest possible reasons until I run out but that's not going to really help you.</p><p></p><p>What your difficult child needs is a neuropsychologist assessment and possibly some other assessments with Occupational Therapist (OT), Speech Pathologist - not sure but the neuropsychologist is the place to start. You need a comprehensive assessment and a neuropsychologist is most likely to give you a that. To get that assessment you are going to have to travel and you are going to need to do it without the other kids along.</p><p></p><p>And you also need to get him to a pediatrician, tell him/her about these issues and ask for a thorough work up to rule out any physical conditions like celiac that could be contributing to or causing some of these behaviors. I would not let the peds diagnoses ADHD or do any psychiatric diagnosing or medication. I do not believe that they have the training needed to prescribe and monitor mind-altering drugs to kids. That's what child psychiatrists (psychiatrists), neurologists and neuropsychologist are trained to do. Not pediatricians.</p><p></p><p>Sorry for the soap box. Pet peeve.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, on a practical level I would strongly suggest that you get your hands on The Explosive Child by Ross Greene as soon as you can. Today if possible. This will help you focus your time/efforts in a more productive way to manage his behaviors.</p><p></p><p>If he is picking on the younger children in front of you who knows what he's doing when you aren't around. You need to get your other children into a totally private space where they feel safe and ask them to talk about the way their brother treats them and what he has said/done to them. You may find nothing - or you may be shocked and scared by what you hear.</p><p></p><p>You don't say whether the behavior changes when husband is at home - just wondering about that. If difficult child is "perfect" as far as husband is concerned, you need to have husband stay home for several days so that effect wears off and he gets to see what's really going on. You are going to need husband's support and you will have to stand together because your difficult child will surely try to triangulate you, pitting you against each other. I hate to predict the future but I suspect you and your husband are going to have to take a hard look at your current arrangement and find a way for him (or someone) to be there with you as your difficult child grows up. Once he's bigger/stronger than you, unless things have changed a lot, you are not going to want to be alone with him and younger children at the same time.</p><p></p><p>You may want to go do some observation at school - especially on the playground/before/after school when he is relatively unsupervised. He may be having problems with peers that the teachers aren't aware of. If so you will want to take action on that, perhaps asking school for a Special Education assessment.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and glad you found us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="rlsnights, post: 413900, member: 7948"] Welcome. Sorry to hear things are so hard and you are alone to deal with it most of the time. I'm going to offer you my thoughts and it will be a lot to take in. Others will do the same. You might want to print out our posts so you can take your time to think about the suggestions and questions you have. You can also search through other posts. Hopefully one of the moderators will respond and direct you to the book lists and forum resources like the parent report. I'm a little hazy on where you find those. I understand you don't have any nearby resources. But, you have a kid who is going to need some in depth assessment I think. Based on my own experiences, your difficult child sounds like he may have issues with sensory integration (touching but not wanting to be touched, the soap and tooth brushing issues), perspective taking (can't figure out why you won't give him what he wants or recognize when other people are sending him clues he is out of line or respond with appropriate emotion to teacher), impulsiveness - and those could be masking an underlying psychological or development condition. That's a lot of very different behaviors and I could suggest possible reasons until I run out but that's not going to really help you. What your difficult child needs is a neuropsychologist assessment and possibly some other assessments with Occupational Therapist (OT), Speech Pathologist - not sure but the neuropsychologist is the place to start. You need a comprehensive assessment and a neuropsychologist is most likely to give you a that. To get that assessment you are going to have to travel and you are going to need to do it without the other kids along. And you also need to get him to a pediatrician, tell him/her about these issues and ask for a thorough work up to rule out any physical conditions like celiac that could be contributing to or causing some of these behaviors. I would not let the peds diagnoses ADHD or do any psychiatric diagnosing or medication. I do not believe that they have the training needed to prescribe and monitor mind-altering drugs to kids. That's what child psychiatrists (psychiatrists), neurologists and neuropsychologist are trained to do. Not pediatricians. Sorry for the soap box. Pet peeve. Anyway, on a practical level I would strongly suggest that you get your hands on The Explosive Child by Ross Greene as soon as you can. Today if possible. This will help you focus your time/efforts in a more productive way to manage his behaviors. If he is picking on the younger children in front of you who knows what he's doing when you aren't around. You need to get your other children into a totally private space where they feel safe and ask them to talk about the way their brother treats them and what he has said/done to them. You may find nothing - or you may be shocked and scared by what you hear. You don't say whether the behavior changes when husband is at home - just wondering about that. If difficult child is "perfect" as far as husband is concerned, you need to have husband stay home for several days so that effect wears off and he gets to see what's really going on. You are going to need husband's support and you will have to stand together because your difficult child will surely try to triangulate you, pitting you against each other. I hate to predict the future but I suspect you and your husband are going to have to take a hard look at your current arrangement and find a way for him (or someone) to be there with you as your difficult child grows up. Once he's bigger/stronger than you, unless things have changed a lot, you are not going to want to be alone with him and younger children at the same time. You may want to go do some observation at school - especially on the playground/before/after school when he is relatively unsupervised. He may be having problems with peers that the teachers aren't aware of. If so you will want to take action on that, perhaps asking school for a Special Education assessment. Hugs and glad you found us. [/QUOTE]
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