I need ideas!

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by sooooo tired, Feb 23, 2016.

  1. sooooo tired

    sooooo tired soooootired

    Well my daughter is turning the big 40 on the 29th.....Yes she is a leap year baby which actually means she is only 10 years old (how appropriate LOL ) I just don't know what I should do for her birthday! She hasn't been annoying me although I know things aren't going well with her and her boyfriend. I really don't want to see him, but I know if I have something at my house he will show up. I need to do something for her, it is a milestone birthday, I just hate having to deal with her older two boys and the boyfriend!
     
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Go to a restaurant. You don't need to bring anyone into your house. I usually take all my kids out to eat on their birthdays. In your case it's nice and boyfriend won't be in your home. If he is in any way abusive, being out in public is safer.
    You can also ask her if she'll meet you alone for a mother/daughter date to keep the others away. It is your decision whether or not to see boyfriend and his kids.
     
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    Last edited: Feb 23, 2016
  3. sooooo tired

    sooooo tired soooootired

    Thank you...good idea !!!
     
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That's what I do... take my daughters out to dinner for their birthdays. For a couple years I took my Youngest daughter's husband too, but it was just too expensive .... so last time I told her I just wanted it to be her and me, and it was a really nice evening :)

    Remember she's 40, not 10 (leap years aside)... so it's really not your "job" to throw her parties or make a big deal. Let her friends do that. Taking her to dinner and giving her a gift of two is plenty.
     
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  5. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    I agree.
    I don't do parties.

    When my eldest turned 30 I booked a hotel for the night, a twin room for the 2 of us in London and we went to the theatre and had a meal and stayed up late in our shared hotel room like a couple of teenagers with chocolates and coffee, reminiscing about the last 30 years.
     
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  6. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    And I also like doing lunch instead of dinner. Then there's not a question of alcohol for those who don't need alcohol, and it's shorter. Like my husband says, I need to "lay eyes on" him for a short time. Short usually equals more positive time together as well. Lunch, a gift, cards...done!
     
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  7. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    I think this is a wise choice.
     
  8. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    I also like the idea of going out. If you want a gift in addition, you can maybe take her shopping? Or give her a gift card somewhere she can buy something for herself (as opposed to for the boyfriend), like a woman's department store?

    My own son turns 21 in April. We got him a smart-phone last month and told him that was the majority of his gift, so we will take him out to dinner at our favorite restaurant, an Irish Pub here in town. He has been there before (they let minors in until 9 with an adult) and he LOVES the food there - and yes, as it's his 21st we'll buy him ONE drink with his dinner. He's spent a good number of meals watching us have a hard cider while he had water. He's said he wants to stay there for hours - but not to drink - to eat and eat and eat...LOL. So I think it's safe to buy him one beer.
     
  9. TheWalrus

    TheWalrus I Am The Walrus

    I agree with everyone on the dinner or lunch out. With my daughter, any time we try to do something at "home" or at a family member's house, her worst comes out. I don't know if it is that comfortable feeling that she can act any way in our home, some internal pressure she feels to act out in family surroundings, the increased privacy and comfort levels of a familiar environment that keeps her from monitoring her behavior, or some mix of all. When we are out in public, it seems to remind her not to just say what she wishes or act any way she pleases. I won't say she hasn't purposely embarrassed me in public with barbs and put downs, but never to the meltdown, screaming, cursing fits she can reduce to when we are alone. Knowing it is only for a short period of time, an hour or so, relieves pressure from both of us as well.

    As for a gift, I think the dinner is enough unless you feel you want to extend further. I always go with something she needs bc those are the things she won't buy herself. Gift cards are always useful and are a no-brainer.

    Let us know how it goes. Hoping you are able to have a peaceful celebration with your daughter. When we don't get those very often, they are very cherished.
     
  10. Hopeful97

    Hopeful97 Active Member

    st,

    I agree with everyone. I believe when I say this, a lot of us feel meeting elsewhere besides home is best. And, at least in my case a public place is good or if it's at another family members home there will not be any kind of confrontation or at least there has not been yet. Myself I would not throw a gathering just acknowledge the birthday, go out to eat and a card and small gift. I do not want to seem to accept or reward his choices but still let him know we care about him and will always love him.

    Hope this helps somehow?

    Hugs
    Hopeful
     
  11. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    It occurred to me that a good gift for a daughter's 40th could be something like a meaningful piece of jewelry...a necklace, bracelet, maybe a locket with a photo of her and you when she was a baby?
     
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