I need opinions please......

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by sooooo tired, May 1, 2016.

  1. sooooo tired

    sooooo tired soooootired

    I am beyond angry with my daughter!!! She came back from her little florida adventure,where she was suppose to get a job and make some money. But of course it just turned into a 2 week vacation from reality!! Now that she is back she is still doing nothing!!! Her son is with his dad, she is with her girlfriend, she is ignoring her son. His dad leaves him with his terminally ill grandpa. That is where I had to pick him up yesterday. I went inside, and the place is gross!!! And my grandson looks like a street kid! Filthy dirty!! I brought him to my house and put him in the tub, I asked him if daddy gives him baths...he says no daddy hasnt fixed the bath tub, which hasn't worked since he moved in!!! Meanwhile my daughter sits on her butt at her girlfriends house doing nothing instead of making sure her child is ok!!! I want soooooo bad to let her know exactly how I feel. I just want to duct tape her mouth so she has to listen to me so I can get everything off my chest that I feel. I was playing with my grandson last night and he said.....I like when you play with me mama. And I said doesn't daddy and mommy play with you and he said no!! Now I know what you guys will say .....I know it will do no good to try to talk to her, because you can't get a point across to someone who just don't care. But I am so frustrated!!!! HOW does a mother not care about the well being of a little 4 year old. She was so good with him when he was younger, but now that she is miserable she just doesn't care about anyone but herself!!!
     
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Put your focus on the grandson, not on his parents. You will not have any impact on the parents, because you have already put a lot of effort into trying. But obviously you have a precious connection to that grandson, and you need him and he needs you.

    I don't know how CPS is where you live. Where I am, you could call social services as a concerned grandparent, "off the record". They would investigate without indicating where the complaint came from. Often, the kid ends up in foster care with grandparent involvement. However, other CPS systems are still in the dark ages, and the impact might be worse than the current situation.
     
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  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I called cps on juniors stepfather once for slapping him across the face, but cps told us they cant do anything unless I have a doctors report or the boy would tell them. Junior cried at the idea of telling and said, "i cant, I cant. Mommy will be mad and ill get in trouble. Ill be too afraid to tell." So my report amounted to nothing.

    Basically cps only gets involved if kiddo is bruised head to toe and a doctor sees and the kid admits who did it. The bar for biological parents to get in trouble is high. Kid being dirty or house being dirty or not playing with kid or a midnight bedtime doesnt do it. Bedides, it has to be proven. Oh, you can get a worker to go to the house, which will infuriate parents and maybe have them totaaly withhold kid from you, or they will visit then leave with no consequences. The investigations here are about keeping the kids in their homes.

    Best thing to do in my opinion is stay out of it and take grandson whenever he is offered. Id say dont wake two crazy sleeping lions just because you want to speak your mind. Only bad can come from that.
     
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    Last edited: May 1, 2016
  4. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    That has to be so hard to see the conditions your grandson is living in. You obviously mean so much to your grandson. You have made a positive impact on his him. Hold onto that. Continue to do what you can for him. As for his mother and father, you said it, you know there is nothing you can do to make them understand or even see the neglect.
    You could call CPS but I would ask some serious questions before filing a report. I would ask them what your rights as a grandparent are if your grandson were to go into foster care.
    You are the light to your grandson in his very dark world and that my dear friend is a huge blessing for you both.
    I am so sorry for your continued heartache.
    ((HUGS)) to you!!
     
  5. Kalahou

    Kalahou Active Member

    This is what I do with my grandkids. When they are with me, I try to be the best influence possible during the time I have them and do things to comfort them, build them up, encourage them, help them, teach them. Just as you are doing with playing with your grandson, he recognizes that he likes you and he will remember it and maybe ask to come more. He is learning to respect and love you. He sees your values and interests, and the impact you are having on him. That will stick with him at some level.

    That is all you can do, make the most positive benefit of the time you are in control. You are not in control of any other place and people. Sometimes it is hard for me because I work full time and when they are with me for days at a time, I get very tired of the constant efforts to attend to them, but I know the years rush by quickly and we must redeem the time and opportunities when they are with us.

    For your own peace and sanity, release any expectations of your daughter and the father, just offer what you can and want to do for and with your grandson, and do what you can for your grandson when you have him in your loving care. Give thanks for those times and build your relationship with your grandson.
    Take care. Kalahou.
     
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    Last edited: May 1, 2016
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