I need the power of the board

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Steely, Sep 9, 2008.

  1. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Please pray, send positive thoughts, rattle beads, or do whatever you feel lead to do regarding difficult child.

    He is having such a hard time at his new placement. He is almost 18, and he is running out of options, I need him to make this placement work.

    I am also concerned about the hospital taking him off the 2 medications so suddenly, then leaving for Utah. I don't know if he is feeling the after affect of that, or not, and if so, should we put him back on the medications. I don't know, I am so confused, and helpless feeling.

    I need him to get this help, and turn his life around - so I can move forward with my life.
    I have never been more moved to prayer than at this moment.
     
  2. 4sumrzn

    4sumrzn New Member

    Many, many, many thoughts & prayers coming your way!!!!
     
  3. RhondaVoos

    RhondaVoos Rhonda

    :angel2: I will pray for you too. I will sit on my deck and look at the view and think peaceful thoughts for you. I will cuddle my puppy and send warm puppy thoughts to you too.......
     
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I don't know how much power I have, but you can have it all. I will send it to Utah... Hang in there lady.
     
  5. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Praying, rattling beads and sending strength and good vibes to your difficult child and to you.
    Steely, I hope this placement is the key to your difficult child starting down the right path.
     
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Praying and hoping that difficult child takes advantage of this placement.

    But, Steely, he is almost 18. At this age more than any previous age, you really have no power to make him take advantage of anything. So you need to take some time to focus on your life and learning detachment so that you CAN move forward. Because whether he takes advantage of this or not, life isn't going to stop for you.
     
  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Sending strength to difficult child - Come on difficult child, accept the program - you are a special person, draw that energy out and put it into becoming the person you really do want to be. It is not too late to shine!

    Sending strength to Steely - Hang in there - After so many years of struggling, the answer will not come quick or easy. difficult child has to dig down through all the junk he has accumulated over the years and find that person who knows he can do this. Stay strong for him. Show him strength - if he feels ANY doubt from you, he will cling to it to get out of doing this.
     
  8. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Susie I realize that, and I want that, except that I have an 18 year old with the emotional IQ of 14 year old. What am I supposed to do, kick him to the curb and say good luck? He has zero life skills, and there are just not that many options out there for these kids when they turn this age, except jail or living at home - the latter of which I no longer consider to be an option.

    I SO want to detach, which is why I really need a program or someone else to help him and to take the reigns from me. I don't want the reigns anymore - which is why I am so humbled and begging for some divine intervention to move on his behalf. I need to be free from this - and he needs to be able to live on his own.
     
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    You have my prayers for you and for M. I heard the expression "I need such and such to happen so that I can move on with my life" yesterday from another friend, who is going through a divorce, and is despondent. I made nice noises to her at the time, because it's always hard to come up with good advice on the spot like that. Seeing it in your post today, I am lucky enough to have had the opportunity to have thought about it recently.

    You are going to get on with your life no matter what happens with M. It's the nature of life. You are on separate paths now. No matter what you do with yourself, it won't change what M does for himself. All you can do is make your own life better for yourself. Don't throw away this opportunity that is TODAY by waiting for M to get with the program in Utah.

    As to M and the program, I thought you were ok with the medications situation? You said that they understood and were dealing appropriately with it. Is there something more you or they should do? I know he is having a hard time, but that's what the program is about. That's what change is. We may hate our lives but we know how to live it the way we have been for the past 18 years. M understands who is has been and what he has done with his life. Looking ahead and saying "I don't like what I am and I am going to change the very core of what I am to make a better life for myself" is terrifying. And much easier to do when you are 18 than when you are 50.

    He can make this placement work. But it's not a pill, it's a long term program. So, you have to plan for it to be hard for him at first. Have faith in yourself that you made the right decision. Move on with your life because that's what we do every day, whether our kid's welfare dominates our thoughts, or we just do what is best for us because we know that our kids have an opportunity that they haven't tried before and it's time for us to let them try it on their own.
     
  10. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    Steely,

    Sending good vibes and prayers to you and difficult child. I'm sure it is a very difficult time for him right now. Has he been there a week yet? Hopefully over the next month, he will find a rhythm to his new life. You will also and begin to be able to focus less on him and more on you.

    Gentle hugs. May the warrior mom power be with you!
     
  11. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    OK, Well........I really just needed prayer, I guess not detachment counseling.

    But since we are going there...........
    The fact of the matter is, is that this program he can easily get kicked out of, like any program. Then what. Set him loose on the streets of Utah?????

    And it is a short term program, only 4 months - not long term - because the world has decided that kids at 18 can do absolutely anything except drink, even if they are not mentally capable.

    And, the fact of the matter is that 2 of his medications are gone that could have helped or hinder who knows. Too late to know.

    And the fact of the matter is, it is ridiculous to say that he is 18 so I should detach. Uh..........so what does that mean? Toss him on the street? Yay for me, I can legally toss him on the streets! So I can detach! That is not what I want, a legal form to detach.

    What I want is for him to be able to cope and be successful. And if he is not able to, then a format in place or person that is responsible for helping him with that. I believe that is called detachment, right?

    Anyway, now I am mad. Sorry.
    I just wanted support, not a lecture. I give myself enough lectures thank you very much.
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2008
  12. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Steely, I'm so sorry that he is not adjusting well to this placement. Some work, some don't. Right now you need to plan for both scenarios. I will pray that this works, and if not than the right door will open.

    (I sent mine to Buffalo by plane---he stayed 4 days and then took a bus back---)
    Sometimes it's right to detach. Sometimes it's right to try and find the right help.
    None of us know all the ins and outs of your daily life. We can't.

    Please don't feel lectured. Or talked down to. Look at what everyone says as just their thoughts. Some you take, some you leave.

    I know you are tired. I've been there. I've been to the point where the thought of one more thing...would have pushed me over the edge. But, you will get through this. You will survive it. And so will difficult child.
     
  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Honey, we're not saying toss him in the streets. We're saying it's only been a week and you need to be more patient. You can be miserable and worry for four months, or you can find comfort in your own life. Either way, in four months it will be just after Christmas, and both of your lives will have gone on. Give M a chance to do the right thing for himself. Visualize it as a better time for both of you.

    You are beating yourself up for a future that hasn't happened yet. Live a good today, and know we are all pulling for both of you.
     
  14. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Many hugs and lots of prayers for you both. I hope he settles in soon and takes advantage of this placement.
     
  15. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Steely, I'm sending warm thoughts and support your way, and to difficult child.

    I understand your sense of urgency. thank you will be 18 in 6 months and I suspect the bottom will drop out, with no safety net for him. Not because we haven't tried but because he has refused to participate, refused to seek out resources that are sitting right in front of his face.

    I know you need your son to make this placement work but it won't until/unless *he* wants it to.

    I know you don't want him to be kicked out - but *he* needs to want to stay.

    I know you want him safe post age 18. I understand the desire to turn the reins over to someone else to guide your son safely - boy do I understand it. The resources are there, albeit sometimes hard to find. But if your/my son doesn't want to use them.... doesn't matter how many doors we knock on or calls we make.

    I hope that someone at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) will be able to reach difficult child, that he will be willing to start participating in his own treatment and his own life. We cannot participate for our kids. If our kids' ability to function independently as adults was based solely on our own efforts, you and I wouldn't have much to worry about.

    Again, good thoughts coming your and difficult child's way.
     
  16. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Sending many prayers and good thoughts...
     
  17. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Steely,
    Just want you to know you and your difficult child are still in my prayers daily.
     
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