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I need to learn to be more assertive
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 86076" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>K, </p><p></p><p>Ask your therapist if she is able to perform EMDR therapy or recommend someone for it. I think you would benefit greatly from it's advantages especially since you are finding out there are many layers to Karen. (this is good EMDR speeds things up) </p><p></p><p>I loved the EMDR sessions I had. It differs from CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) in the fact that you are put into a trance state and taught HOW to cope with things in an internal way. I have used the techniques to find car keys, figure out WHY I was a door mat etc. </p><p></p><p>Most people I have found in life are not confrontational because it is easier to stick your head in the sand than face the sand storm. (no offense to anyone) I used to be the same way. But it really IS NOT easier because eventually there are issues you HAVE to deal with and sometimes years of hostility, aggrivation, resentment, worry and loathe go into the unconscious part of your brain. The feelings get stored and only are present when that particular subject is brought up. Then when it does? It's usually KABOOM. And then the person you :kaboom: on doesn't understand what in your world is going on and then you get labled (take your pick crazy, high strung, witchy with a b, koo koo) and all it would have really taken is for you to say what you mean and mean what you say. </p><p></p><p>It will come with time. You really can't learn to stand up for yourself over night. It's a series of therapy lessons. Wait till you get to the one where you have conversations with the positive you and complimentary you - the you YOU is the negative nelly. It's a scream. But very VERY insightful. </p><p></p><p>Hugs - and don't tell him what you think now - really. Just say "Right now, I'm concentrating on becoming a better me and if that leads me back to you and our marriage - so be it, if it leads me other directions so be that, but if we're EVER to work on US we both have to be the best individuals we can be - if you are serious about reunification of our marriage maybe you should be working on finding the best YOU and we'll meet in the middle when we can." </p><p></p><p>If he balks that then put your forearm across your forehead and say "FRANKLY RHETT I DON"T GIVE SLAM." :whew:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 86076, member: 4964"] K, Ask your therapist if she is able to perform EMDR therapy or recommend someone for it. I think you would benefit greatly from it's advantages especially since you are finding out there are many layers to Karen. (this is good EMDR speeds things up) I loved the EMDR sessions I had. It differs from CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) in the fact that you are put into a trance state and taught HOW to cope with things in an internal way. I have used the techniques to find car keys, figure out WHY I was a door mat etc. Most people I have found in life are not confrontational because it is easier to stick your head in the sand than face the sand storm. (no offense to anyone) I used to be the same way. But it really IS NOT easier because eventually there are issues you HAVE to deal with and sometimes years of hostility, aggrivation, resentment, worry and loathe go into the unconscious part of your brain. The feelings get stored and only are present when that particular subject is brought up. Then when it does? It's usually KABOOM. And then the person you :kaboom: on doesn't understand what in your world is going on and then you get labled (take your pick crazy, high strung, witchy with a b, koo koo) and all it would have really taken is for you to say what you mean and mean what you say. It will come with time. You really can't learn to stand up for yourself over night. It's a series of therapy lessons. Wait till you get to the one where you have conversations with the positive you and complimentary you - the you YOU is the negative nelly. It's a scream. But very VERY insightful. Hugs - and don't tell him what you think now - really. Just say "Right now, I'm concentrating on becoming a better me and if that leads me back to you and our marriage - so be it, if it leads me other directions so be that, but if we're EVER to work on US we both have to be the best individuals we can be - if you are serious about reunification of our marriage maybe you should be working on finding the best YOU and we'll meet in the middle when we can." If he balks that then put your forearm across your forehead and say "FRANKLY RHETT I DON"T GIVE SLAM." [img]:whew:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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