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I need to learn to be more assertive
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 86208" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>As one who's been there done that, trust me on this one ... he KNOWS that she's passing it all along to you! That's exactly why he's doing it! He tells HER all these juicy little "details" and she tells YOU - it's just another way for him to keep you involved in his chaotic life. He keeps trying to draw you back in, to make you care, to make you a part of his life again. And you DO care, if from habit, if nothing else. I understand that. When I was in that position, I wanted to know all the juicy details too, if for nothing else than to be able to know when he was lying. But I soon learned that it was very easy to tell when he was lying - if his lips were moving, he was probably lying! Your sounds a lot like that too. I learned a long time go to not rely on ANYTHING that he said as being the truth!</p><p></p><p>Your BFF Jill is playing right in to it, and so are you! This is part of making the break, if that's what you truely want to do. Your best friend is NOT the one he needs to be confiding in. When he starts telling her all of this, she needs to stop him and say, "<em>I don't want to hear it</em>!" And if she does listen and then tries to pass it along to you, as hard as it wil be, YOU need to tell her the same thing ... "<em>I don't want to hear it</em>!" You're sending him very mixed messages, and he's playing mind games with you. What he told BFF Jill made you want to confront him - mission accomplished! He drew you right back in to it again! See where I'm coming from?</p><p></p><p>And what he REALLY told her was exactly the same as what he told you! That he "loves" you and "misses" you and that he wants his old comfy life back, but if you don't hurry up and snatch him back real quick while you have the chance, he'll go after what's-her-name down the street! He's found out that single life isn't what he thought it would be. He misses the comfortable homelife, he misses having someone's world revolve around him, he misses having his dinners cooked and his laundry done. It's still all about HIM! They DO have their priorities, don't they! Are you sure that he's not related to my ex??? :wink:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 86208, member: 1883"] As one who's been there done that, trust me on this one ... he KNOWS that she's passing it all along to you! That's exactly why he's doing it! He tells HER all these juicy little "details" and she tells YOU - it's just another way for him to keep you involved in his chaotic life. He keeps trying to draw you back in, to make you care, to make you a part of his life again. And you DO care, if from habit, if nothing else. I understand that. When I was in that position, I wanted to know all the juicy details too, if for nothing else than to be able to know when he was lying. But I soon learned that it was very easy to tell when he was lying - if his lips were moving, he was probably lying! Your sounds a lot like that too. I learned a long time go to not rely on ANYTHING that he said as being the truth! Your BFF Jill is playing right in to it, and so are you! This is part of making the break, if that's what you truely want to do. Your best friend is NOT the one he needs to be confiding in. When he starts telling her all of this, she needs to stop him and say, "[i]I don't want to hear it[/i]!" And if she does listen and then tries to pass it along to you, as hard as it wil be, YOU need to tell her the same thing ... "[i]I don't want to hear it[/i]!" You're sending him very mixed messages, and he's playing mind games with you. What he told BFF Jill made you want to confront him - mission accomplished! He drew you right back in to it again! See where I'm coming from? And what he REALLY told her was exactly the same as what he told you! That he "loves" you and "misses" you and that he wants his old comfy life back, but if you don't hurry up and snatch him back real quick while you have the chance, he'll go after what's-her-name down the street! He's found out that single life isn't what he thought it would be. He misses the comfortable homelife, he misses having someone's world revolve around him, he misses having his dinners cooked and his laundry done. It's still all about HIM! They DO have their priorities, don't they! Are you sure that he's not related to my ex??? [img]:wink:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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