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I need to learn to be more assertive
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 86216" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>Me again! :smile:</p><p></p><p>The thing that bothers me the most here is that he's pushing you so hard and trying to get a quick answer out of you. I think that, at this stage of the game, what you need the most is peace and quiet, and the absence of conflict! With me, that's when I finally started to heal and make progress. You need peace and quiet and TIME! You need time to think things through calmly. You need time to quietly process the grief of losing your mother and come to terms with it. You really haven't been able to do that yet, with all the chaos that HE'S caused and continues to cause for you. And you need time to try life on your own, in your very own place, making your own decisions, standing on your own two feet. I think you'll discover that you like it!</p><p></p><p>I honestly think he's pushing you so hard to make a decision to ease his own guilty conscience! Either way you decide, HE'S off the hook, if you think about it. If you were to decide to take him back, then all is forgiven and he's right back in his old cushy life again. If you tell him "No way!", then he will see it as YOU breaking it off and he can look at it as you giving him permission to run around with other women guilt-free.</p><p></p><p>He's upset because he sees it as you leaving him dangling. This time shouldn't be about HIM! Scr*w him! This is about YOU taking the time you desperately need to think things through calmly, to work through the issues with your counselor (who sounds GREAT, by the way), to get your balance back, to decide what's best for YOU for a change. And it's about time! And only after this time on your own can you truely know if you are better off with him or without him! There's an old country song about "How can I miss you when you won't leave?" Stick to your guns, hon!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 86216, member: 1883"] Me again! [img]:smile:[/img] The thing that bothers me the most here is that he's pushing you so hard and trying to get a quick answer out of you. I think that, at this stage of the game, what you need the most is peace and quiet, and the absence of conflict! With me, that's when I finally started to heal and make progress. You need peace and quiet and TIME! You need time to think things through calmly. You need time to quietly process the grief of losing your mother and come to terms with it. You really haven't been able to do that yet, with all the chaos that HE'S caused and continues to cause for you. And you need time to try life on your own, in your very own place, making your own decisions, standing on your own two feet. I think you'll discover that you like it! I honestly think he's pushing you so hard to make a decision to ease his own guilty conscience! Either way you decide, HE'S off the hook, if you think about it. If you were to decide to take him back, then all is forgiven and he's right back in his old cushy life again. If you tell him "No way!", then he will see it as YOU breaking it off and he can look at it as you giving him permission to run around with other women guilt-free. He's upset because he sees it as you leaving him dangling. This time shouldn't be about HIM! Scr*w him! This is about YOU taking the time you desperately need to think things through calmly, to work through the issues with your counselor (who sounds GREAT, by the way), to get your balance back, to decide what's best for YOU for a change. And it's about time! And only after this time on your own can you truely know if you are better off with him or without him! There's an old country song about "How can I miss you when you won't leave?" Stick to your guns, hon! [/QUOTE]
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