I need your help asap if possible.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jody, Mar 22, 2010.

  1. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I brought my daughter home from the psychiatric hospital. We didn't even have the normal honeymoon period. She began in on me as as she hit the door. She has been throwing things at me and she actually bit me last night. I had her arrested and she is in custody of the state of Ilinois. The police handcuffed her and she was just nasty to them. They really couldn't believe how she is acting. Everyone including the state agencies are encouraging me to put her in foster care. They said it can take a year to get her back home. I know she is going to become a ward of the state because I can't handle her and the abuse. I am afreaid that she is going to seriously hurt me. There was a knife on the kitchen table yesterday and I was afraid she was going to pick it up and stab me with it. I really hate that but it's true.

    The problem is I don't know how I am going to afford to live. No one tells you how much they are going to take to support her. I don't know what kind of living arrangements to make for myself. I barely make it now and I can't make it if they take a lot of my income. Does anyone have a clue as to how much they take out of your check. My life is being turned upside down again, and again. I want to protect myself somehow from becoming homeless. I don't have anyone that I can live with.

    Does anyone have any success stories with their state agencies when the kids are taken into state custody. I want help for her so she can come home and act right. Any advice is much appreciated.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Jody, is it possible that the medications she's on are making her violent? Sometimes stimulants and antidepressants do that, especially if there is an underlying mood disorder. I see you have bipolar disorder. Maybe she does, too, and in that case, there is definitely reason to believe the medications are the wrong ones.

    Your daughter needs treatment. Please contact the Illinios chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) to see how that can be arranged. NAMI staff can guide you to treatment for your daughter and support for yourself. The contact information for the Illinios state chapter and local affiliate offices can be found here:

    I'll be keeping a good thought for you both.
  3. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Jody, you need to contact your local SASS agency right now to start the process of applying for an Individual Care Grant. It does not sound like she needs foster care; she needs *treatment*. DHS Office of Mental Health has the grant for children who are severely mentally ill. It is a big application, but I think you really need to get the ball rolling on this. The SASS worker can help you with the application. It can be a bit tricky to find the SASS agency for your area, but I'd start off with your county dept of mental health.
  4. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    Thank you. I called them, they are going to have a parent educator call me. Thank you.
  5. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    She has a SASS worker and I am calling her right now. Thank you.
  6. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I called her and she has no idea what that is. SHe is going to find out. Do you have anymore information on that. I'll search the internet too. Thank you so much.
  7. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Jody - I sent you a PM with- info in the ICG.
  8. Jody

    Jody Active Member

    I called them and they are sending me an application to my home. Thank you. Once she goes into state custody then she won't be eligible. Ugh. I don't know yet if she will be coming home this time. I just want to get her some real help. Nothing is working so far. Thank you.
  9. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    No advice -- smallworld and SLSH have you rolling in the right direction it seems. Just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and that I hope someone in these organizations can help you and help your daughter. She truly does sound like she needs to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital and not a foster home, where her problems would still have to be addressed.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Jody, just sending support. It sounds miserable.
    I'm glad others here were able to help out with-info. I'm not good at state forms!
  11. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending hugs and support. This wasn't something I had to deal with, Thank God, so I have no advice.
  12. Farmwife

    Farmwife Member

    First, I want to offer whatever support I can in saying that I have been in that stage with my difficult child. There were the times of fear, anxiety and violence looming over us. Before I give you more advice, do know that sometimes these things do ease up and mellow out. It just depends on the kid, disorder, treatment etc. I gave up, believed difficult child was a lost cause and wanted to hand him over. They refused and I am glad it worked out like that. He is stable now.

    As for the outburst. I was hospitalized a couple times. (over 10 years ago, I am quite sane now) Great times those were, lol. I stabilized perfectly in the psychiatric hospital. Within a very short period of time of getting out, maybe even hours it all fell apart. The sense of security of the psychiatric hospital was gone, my routine changed and it was all just so very overwhelming. It is a huge transition. Couple that with a difficulty recognizing or communicating these feelings and well... If your difficult child was doing okay in the psychiatric hospital I would imagine it is either a rough landing or something about your relationship dynamic. Not saying your parenting skills at all, just that maybe you guys need help with communication. I dreaded the idea but it helped us.

    As for state custody. If you can hold out, try. I know the desperate feelings, I really do. The thing is though that foster care is not a good system. My husband's Dad was approved to be a foster parent. He and his 3rd wife are raging alcoholics, only been married a couple years. The man has dui's. no license, is on ssi for "back issues" that are imaginary and his own kids haven't spoken to him in a decade. Though I hope they screen better usually you just never can tell. I got help voluntarily from dcfs her in Illinois and they were only marginally qualified at best.

    Supposedly you can call 2-1-1 from any phone. The United Way is a clearing house of agencies and info.

    1-800-448-3000 is the 24/7 hotline to boystown. They do services for girls too. I called at an ungodly time and they were a resource for agencies in my area, sort of. I am rural and services are impossible. They did give me lots of numbers to call though. They also have a website that has info. about intake, again, they take girls. As a last case resort they do offer live in family style placement for troubled kids and it is FREE if the family can't afford it. They also offer intensive in home services for families whose kids don't joing the live in program.

    Call churches in your area. A church in my area that I am not even affiliated with offers services. In fact we had a counselor come by our house earlier. If a particular church doesn't know they may be able to offer ideas.

    DCFS does offer supports to families without you actually having to surrender rights. DCFS offered us free weekly counseling and a list of other things had we wanted it, even spraying for pests in our basement?!?!?! I didn't like our worker but you may fare better.

    Mostly I would just hope you think clearly if you can find a calm moment. Sometimes choices made in the heat of the moment can come to be regrets later. Giving up your rights to the state is such a huge step, it really is. You have zero control then and that for me Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) a parent is mortifying.

    The most important words of the day for you to ask for are RESPITE CARE. Maybe a few days break will help you get things in order, unless she needs a readmittion. Violence/danger towards others is a clear reason for psychiatric hospital intake. Maybe if you know she is safe you could plan a little slower without feeling forced into any one thing, give people time to get back to you and all...people seem to move slower when we are at our wits end.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish I could be there to write down and dial all the numbers you will be gathering. I know how hard it can be.

    You anywhere near St. Louis? If so I would be glad to keep the girls a day so you can soak in the tub. My difficult child loves mini golf and the boy girl dynamic seems to keep kids well behaved lest they feel too emberassed for acting out and foolish.

    pm me if you want my number to talk.
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2010
  13. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just want to add in my support and hugs.