I need your prayers more than I ever have

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by mattsmom27, May 17, 2007.

  1. mattsmom27

    mattsmom27 Active Member

    Hi everyone. Once again I am turning to you all for some prayers and uplifting positive vibes or whatever else is in your arsenal. I am letting this out here because I don't have anywhere else to turn to for it, without confiding to real life people what I'm not able to confide in them.
    I mentioned earlier this week about stress hives etc without saying what caused it. This is hard for me to put here but god I really just need some sort of encouragement that somehow I'm going to feel better and be okay.
    Last week I went out of town with a friend. She put us in a very bad situation and left me there alone in it. I ended up being sexually attacked, although I fought back and the small blessing is that while I couldn't avoid being violated, I wasn't fully raped. I have seen my doctor and am on a arsenal of medications. My hives arne't worse, but no better. I did intake today at the local sexual assault center and have a first therapy session schedules for Tuesday, which quite frankly I wish was tomorrow, but I'm hanging in there.
    I feel very alone as my family all suck and are so vacant and not in my life. I have no real close friends so that is out. I am really counting on therapy to help me and although I am proud I went to the doctor and dumped it all on him and asked for the referall, I am scared of the process and don't know how to begin to heal. I am a rape survivor from when I was 15 and held by someone in a hotel for 5 days of abuse. 17 years later I am still not fully healed. This has sent me spiralling and undid so much work I'd done through the years.
    I know intellectually things will get easier and I will feel better, but today just sucks and I'm really needing somebody else to send the word to the man upstairs that enough is enough right now, that I can't take anymore.
    I can't even believe I am sharing this here on the board, but a week after all of this, I am still sitting in this state and I know I have to do something about letting it out somehow, just even saying it through typing to strangers is better than it hiding like some dirty secret inside.
    I have to find a way to stop crying. I have crushed/damaged cartilage in the tip of my nose and blowing sucks!
  2. susiequte

    susiequte New Member

    I am so sorry for what you are going through! I will keep you in my prayers and send good vibes your way. There is lots of support here, so check in often. Your are not alone in your experiences...many of us have gone through bad experiences like those that you mentioned. (Yeah, me included!) God Bless!!
  3. susiequte

    susiequte New Member

    I am so sorry for what you are going through! I will keep you in my prayers and send good vibes your way. There is lots of support here, so check in often. Your are not alone in your experiences...many of us have gone through bad experiences like those that you mentioned. (Yeah, me included!) God Bless!!
  4. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I can't even tell you how sorry I am. How I wish I could be there to fold you into a hug and let you cry on my shoulder. Prayers...lots of them...being sent your way. May God's loving arms comfort you at this trying and scary time in your life.

    I'm glad you shared. You have friends and support here. Hugs, vibes, beads, candles, lots of prayers your way...
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Oh, honey. Lots and lots of love coming to you from Ohio. I'm so glad you are seeking out support - both here and with the therapists. You're in our protective circle. Lean on us as hard as you need to.
  6. mattsmom27

    mattsmom27 Active Member

    Thank you all. It is after 3a.m. here and I am still sitting awake. I did talk to my cousin online tonight (one of the few family members who don't suck!) and finally confided in her. It felt good to talk to someone about it, although we didn't go into detail, I just let out some of how I was feeling and felt listened to and heard. I am really stuck in this mindset of don't think about it and it'll just not be so bad. Kind of like trying to ignore the elephant in the room. I had to ask myself tonight "how's that working for ya" and the resounding answer was it is not. I am afraid to contemplate the state I'd be without medications the doctor ordered when I went to see him.
    My thoughts aren't rational in terms of being in perspective. I am absurdly bitterly angry about the damaged cartilage in my nose. I seem to be focused on the tip of my stupid nose and ignoring the ramnifications of this whole thing emotionally. I know that it is natural to react oddly after something like this, but after a week has passed, I can't believe that I am obsessing about my stupid nose!!! I have also washed every wall in my living room, kitchen and bathroom including dusting the ceilings of all things!
    I have a number from the assault center that I can call 24/7 if I need to talk to someone, but I haven't called it. I am trying to hang in there for my appointment Tuesday. I do however have it in my pocket at all times just in case. Somehow that helps.
    Thank you all again, internet anonymity is sometimes a real blessing!
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Melissa...Im so sorry honey.

    As you are probably aware I know too well what you are going through. Im glad you are getting to the appointment on tuesday. Somehow you will get through this because there simply is no other choice. It sure isnt easy though. I am here if you need to talk.
  8. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    I am so sorry that you were attacked and that is has brought back memories from years ago.

    You shouldn't have to go through this alone. Call that number if you need the human contact/voice.

    You will definately be in my prayers.

  9. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    <span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'>Melissa,
    I am saying prayers for you. Don't hesitate to call the number you have in your pocket. You don't have to face this alone. I commend you for taking the first step and finding help...can be really difficult and you did it! It would be great to live in a world where this did not happen...

    Thinking of you...check back here, cause we sure can listen...</span>
  10. On_Call

    On_Call New Member

    I am so, so sorry this has happened to you.

    Adding my prayers, good vibes, hugs and support.

    I think you are making a good first step in reaching out for the help that is available. Make the call if you cannot wait for the scheduled appointment.
  11. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I am so sorry you are going through this. You are in my prayers.
  12. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm so sorry, Melissa. There's no reason on earth that you have to hold out now---call that number to tide you over until Tuesday.

  13. amstrong

    amstrong New Member

    Prayers and gentle hugs coming your way. As others have said, you have taken the right steps to heal. Call that number the second yu think you need it. I will keep you close to my heart and in my prayers.

  14. Luminosity

    Luminosity New Member

    Did you contact the police? I am so very sorry this has happened to you. With everything else it's the last thing you need. My thoughts and prayers are with you. If you need someone closer to home pm me and I will give you my msn messenger contact. One thought, if your "friend" put you in a situation where you would be hurt so badly, is he/she really a "friend". Maybe there were circumstances that aren't discussed here. Just know that I am thinking about you.

  15. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    melissa, it is not your fault. I have read that super cleaning everything is common after this sort of thing. I am glad you got this out in the open. God bless and keep you and bring peace to your mind and healing to your body and soul.
  16. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    Sweetie, I'm so sorry this happened to you! I also know too well what you're going thru. (sometimes there is strength in numbers)

    I know hard it was to go to your doctor and ask for help. I know it was horrible to go to the sexual assault center. You are one awesome lady.

    Therapy is a very good idea especially since you don't have someone there with you that you can unload with.

    You are in my prayers. If you want to unload you can feel free to email or pm me.

  17. Booklady Clara

    Booklady Clara New Member

    Ditto the prayers and hugs. I cannot imagine. I am so sorry this has happened to you. I hope you keep up the good work you're doing by talking to us, to the counselor, etc. What a strong woman you are! Bless your heart.
  18. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Prayers going up from here too. I think you are very brave.
  19. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    So sorry. I don't know what else to say. I hope you feel better soon. Saying prayers.
  20. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Many hugs and prayers coming your way- I'm really sorry this has happened, and on top of everything else.