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Substance Abuse
I Never Imagined I’d Be Here- Need Advice
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 751470" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am going to write something here that is strategic and cold-blooded. I am seldom either of these things, but it seems that this situation may be calling for this. The reality is I think you may need her to cooperate with you if you have a chance to get the stuff back. As I read your initial post, it seems you gave your consent to the pawn at least in part. The arrangement that you would buy the stuff back. That implies awareness of the pawn and agreement with it. Even if you live in a small city where you could hypothetically visit all of the shops, I don't think they would tell you as their relationship and contract is with her not you. (I just read her Deni's post. If that is doable, I would do that, rather than go to your daughter.)</p><p></p><p>But if you do have to go through your daughter I think given who she is right now she would only respond to money.. You have to decide what the stuff is worth to you, what your bottom line would be and negotiate with her. But that would entail knowing the terms of the pawn, and getting some kind of guarantee from her and them, first. Only you can decide if the jewelry is worth this to you. Worth what you'd have to do to get it back.</p><p></p><p>You are seeing she is capable of almost anything, if it hurts you. Maybe if you act contrite, she will put her guard down. Of course this would be deceitful on your part. I am not advocating for this, believe me, but if you have to deal with her, that is what she may demand. As I said, only you could decide if it's worth it.</p><p>Well. It's all out in the open. Of what she is capable. The person who she is right now. I can't count how many grandmothers who have come to this forum since I have been posting, in this same spot. My mother was treated like this by my sister who withheld her children from my Mom. Like you, my Mom had devoted herself to caring for her granddaughters and helping my sister. And then, that. A bitter pill.</p><p></p><p>I believe she will give you access to the child, in the end. I don't know why I think this, but I do. It may be that you decide at some point to eat a little humble pie. To accept some of her terms. Many, many mothers do this. They do it for their grandchildren.</p><p></p><p>But the thing is, how can you buy access to your grandson? Which is what your daughter is insisting upon. That's beyond humble pie. It's extortion.</p><p></p><p>There is really an aspect of betrayal of you on her part. Lying. Hypocrisy.</p><p></p><p>But almost worse is her insistence that you subsidize her. That you in effect pay "rent" in order to keep a relationship with her and with your grandson, which is what Kay did, Busy's daughter.</p><p></p><p>I don't know what I can say to take the pain away. Except that you don't deserve this. Not one bit.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 751470, member: 18958"] I am going to write something here that is strategic and cold-blooded. I am seldom either of these things, but it seems that this situation may be calling for this. The reality is I think you may need her to cooperate with you if you have a chance to get the stuff back. As I read your initial post, it seems you gave your consent to the pawn at least in part. The arrangement that you would buy the stuff back. That implies awareness of the pawn and agreement with it. Even if you live in a small city where you could hypothetically visit all of the shops, I don't think they would tell you as their relationship and contract is with her not you. (I just read her Deni's post. If that is doable, I would do that, rather than go to your daughter.) But if you do have to go through your daughter I think given who she is right now she would only respond to money.. You have to decide what the stuff is worth to you, what your bottom line would be and negotiate with her. But that would entail knowing the terms of the pawn, and getting some kind of guarantee from her and them, first. Only you can decide if the jewelry is worth this to you. Worth what you'd have to do to get it back. You are seeing she is capable of almost anything, if it hurts you. Maybe if you act contrite, she will put her guard down. Of course this would be deceitful on your part. I am not advocating for this, believe me, but if you have to deal with her, that is what she may demand. As I said, only you could decide if it's worth it. Well. It's all out in the open. Of what she is capable. The person who she is right now. I can't count how many grandmothers who have come to this forum since I have been posting, in this same spot. My mother was treated like this by my sister who withheld her children from my Mom. Like you, my Mom had devoted herself to caring for her granddaughters and helping my sister. And then, that. A bitter pill. I believe she will give you access to the child, in the end. I don't know why I think this, but I do. It may be that you decide at some point to eat a little humble pie. To accept some of her terms. Many, many mothers do this. They do it for their grandchildren. But the thing is, how can you buy access to your grandson? Which is what your daughter is insisting upon. That's beyond humble pie. It's extortion. There is really an aspect of betrayal of you on her part. Lying. Hypocrisy. But almost worse is her insistence that you subsidize her. That you in effect pay "rent" in order to keep a relationship with her and with your grandson, which is what Kay did, Busy's daughter. I don't know what I can say to take the pain away. Except that you don't deserve this. Not one bit. [/QUOTE]
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