Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
I Never Imagined I’d Be Here- Need Advice
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 751530" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think the beginning is with yourself. To practice locating yourself in you. Not in her. </p><p></p><p>There is a reality here, I think.</p><p></p><p>You risked so much. You put so much into her. Into her hands. This is not to criticize or blame you.</p><p></p><p>But she was unsafe. The challenge now is to pay attention to what's real. To what you see.</p><p></p><p>To not feel it is your responsibility to fix her or help her or to take care of her or the baby. All of these things are her responsibility, primarily. She is an able-bodied woman. She is a mother.</p><p></p><p>Either you were not paying attention or you disregarded what you saw.</p><p></p><p>You put your heart and things into a situation where you could lose.</p><p></p><p>I believe you saw it but did not give it adequate thought or importance. So locating yourself in you, you would listen to what you feel, and see what you see. And feel and accept what the costs are of what you give, and where you are at risk.</p><p></p><p>There is a valuing of yourself. Putting your energy and resources and commitments where they bear fruit. Where you have some hope of control. And that's with you.</p><p></p><p>I'm not saying not to help her, but help her in a way that keeps you safe. If you don't act from yourself, how can you be safe?</p><p></p><p>I think the first lesson is to let her take care of her. And get out of her lane. Which you are doing. Let her live as she wants. </p><p></p><p>I do the same thing with my son. I make conditions. I understand why we do it. But I am learning to make the conditions only where I have the right to and the control to enforce it.</p><p></p><p>She loves you. You love her. That's a great place to start. Wait until she comes to you. Start from love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 751530, member: 18958"] I think the beginning is with yourself. To practice locating yourself in you. Not in her. There is a reality here, I think. You risked so much. You put so much into her. Into her hands. This is not to criticize or blame you. But she was unsafe. The challenge now is to pay attention to what's real. To what you see. To not feel it is your responsibility to fix her or help her or to take care of her or the baby. All of these things are her responsibility, primarily. She is an able-bodied woman. She is a mother. Either you were not paying attention or you disregarded what you saw. You put your heart and things into a situation where you could lose. I believe you saw it but did not give it adequate thought or importance. So locating yourself in you, you would listen to what you feel, and see what you see. And feel and accept what the costs are of what you give, and where you are at risk. There is a valuing of yourself. Putting your energy and resources and commitments where they bear fruit. Where you have some hope of control. And that's with you. I'm not saying not to help her, but help her in a way that keeps you safe. If you don't act from yourself, how can you be safe? I think the first lesson is to let her take care of her. And get out of her lane. Which you are doing. Let her live as she wants. I do the same thing with my son. I make conditions. I understand why we do it. But I am learning to make the conditions only where I have the right to and the control to enforce it. She loves you. You love her. That's a great place to start. Wait until she comes to you. Start from love. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
I Never Imagined I’d Be Here- Need Advice
Top