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Substance Abuse
I Never Imagined I’d Be Here- Need Advice
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<blockquote data-quote="TwinkleToes" data-source="post: 751538" data-attributes="member: 24409"><p>Boy there is so much truth to what you’ve said. I gave more than I could afford to loose which put myself in a hostage situation. My grand has become a pawn in this dynamic and he has been her ace in the hole. He is the reason I turned the other cheek when I shouldn’t have. The last time I saw her, she kicked me out of her apartment and refused to let me see the baby, who was crying for me. I took the car on the spot. I cancelled her phone and internet within 30 minutes. She had the nerve to say something about getting no help as she was taking out the trash. Another mother here advised me not to bring up what she’s done, that it was her responsibility. I believe as certain things arise it will give me the opportunity to address her behaviors. For example, “Mom how about I come over for xyz”? My response would be, I’d love for you to come over if you can treat my house and me with respect. I have a bad back and can not, and will not, spend a week putting it back together. She will act offended and cancel or suggest somewhere else. I’ve already told her, I won’t load up all these gifts for the baby, they are too heavy and too big. I have a 2 door sports car and a kitchen will not even fit. I’m DONE hauling stuff from here to there. It almost killed me. She refuses to put a lid on her drinks and the baby spills every single one. The wet laundry I did because of that was absurd. I told her when she’s here she has to have a lid or drink outside. I had stopped with the laundry shortly before the fall out. Those are conditions I can enforce. Right now, I have no desire to help her with anything. I’m afraid that the only power she has over me is the baby and she knows it, and clearly isn’t afraid to use it. I cannot go through this over and over again with her. That ....I know for sure. I think in “talking” to you I’ve realized I’m not ready, nor am I equipped, to see her yet. Could you recommend a good book on boundaries?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TwinkleToes, post: 751538, member: 24409"] Boy there is so much truth to what you’ve said. I gave more than I could afford to loose which put myself in a hostage situation. My grand has become a pawn in this dynamic and he has been her ace in the hole. He is the reason I turned the other cheek when I shouldn’t have. The last time I saw her, she kicked me out of her apartment and refused to let me see the baby, who was crying for me. I took the car on the spot. I cancelled her phone and internet within 30 minutes. She had the nerve to say something about getting no help as she was taking out the trash. Another mother here advised me not to bring up what she’s done, that it was her responsibility. I believe as certain things arise it will give me the opportunity to address her behaviors. For example, “Mom how about I come over for xyz”? My response would be, I’d love for you to come over if you can treat my house and me with respect. I have a bad back and can not, and will not, spend a week putting it back together. She will act offended and cancel or suggest somewhere else. I’ve already told her, I won’t load up all these gifts for the baby, they are too heavy and too big. I have a 2 door sports car and a kitchen will not even fit. I’m DONE hauling stuff from here to there. It almost killed me. She refuses to put a lid on her drinks and the baby spills every single one. The wet laundry I did because of that was absurd. I told her when she’s here she has to have a lid or drink outside. I had stopped with the laundry shortly before the fall out. Those are conditions I can enforce. Right now, I have no desire to help her with anything. I’m afraid that the only power she has over me is the baby and she knows it, and clearly isn’t afraid to use it. I cannot go through this over and over again with her. That ....I know for sure. I think in “talking” to you I’ve realized I’m not ready, nor am I equipped, to see her yet. Could you recommend a good book on boundaries? [/QUOTE]
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