I never realized.....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by davey327, Jan 22, 2009.

  1. davey327

    davey327 Karen S

    ...that it was going to be so difficult. Don't take me wrong. I love my twins. I've loved them since before they were born. But it seems that every day is more difficult than the one before. The problems seem to be escalating. The tantrums coming more often. He blows up at every little thing, she is mean spirited and pushy. I do my best to be patient and to handle everything to the best of my ability, but it is so hard when I am basically doing it all myself. My husband helps of course but he works so is only home with them for about 2 hours a day. Out of 12, that's not much. And since girltwin doesn't go to school she is with me nonstiop for all those 12 hours. The only break I get is every other weekend when he goes to his biomoms overnight and she goes for the day on Saturdays. It's not enough. I have little support. Am home by myself, with girltwin of course, all the time. Have no real friends as they are all busy having a life. I know I am whining and I am sorry for that, but it is so hard and I feel so alone.:(
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Aw, Karen, I am so sorry. I know how you feel.
    There are people out there ... what about a play group or church group?

    In the meantime, I hear you. My son can be so mean and sour and I just get tired of the whole thing.

  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I remember those days ~ kt is 14 & she's still home (refusing school) and in my face non stop.

    Saying that, after 4 years of "antics" wm is in a group foster home & kt is at home. The tweedles had a very troubled life in bio home before we adopted them.

    I can offer a few things; as kt is at home non stop she has chores that must be accomplished each day. Plus she must read 1 hour daily, do art work (her favorite class) at least one hour a day (we sit down together) & work on math. I don't know how old your twins are but kt is 14.

    When the tweedles were younger I had to have a stringent routine around here. I had little time to myself, but instead of non stop chaos with a routine I kept the peace at least 50% of the time.

    If your difficult child girl needs to be at home can she do chores at your side? Teach her to scrub the sink while you clean the toilet. Or vice versa. Dishes - rinse dishes while you teach her to load.

    Do your best to make this time nurturing & pleasant if at all possible. I know this can be a stretch ~ believe me I know. You can ask any of the board members who've known me & the tweedles over the years.

    It could be time to ask for more help. I have PCAs, Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) workers plus respite for kt. It's a must to maintain my health & my stamina.

  4. Janna

    Janna New Member

    My, I remember the days when it was just me with the 3 boys and never, ever a break. I'm so sorry you are in that situation. It is so stressful.

    I hope you're able to get some kind of time to yourself today to rejuvinate. I'm sorry you're so stressed.
  5. davey327

    davey327 Karen S

    Our twins are 5 1/2. We can't adopt them. Biomom would never agree. They lived with her til age 23 mos. then moved in with us. Girltwin, from now on I'll call her gt does help me around the house, we do schoolwork, piano, etc. etc. It's just the constant being there plus I think she has sensory issues and is always on top of me and overly rough about it.
  6. davey327

    davey327 Karen S

    We go to church. They try to be supportive but they don't understand. You know how it is, they look normal so it must be our parenting that's wrong. Where I live almost everyone works so there's just no one around.
  7. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    I found a group from a coworker. There's a very large (nondenomination??) church that has groups for quite a number of subjects that meet. One is for children with- special needs. Check around your community, ask friends/coworkers if they know of anything. look in the paper, call the local churchs and ask if they have groups. Ask the pediatrician doctor (family doctor whoever they see)

    When my difficult child was younger, I had such a problem with- her and PPD. I found a mom's group that helped for a few years until I decided I wanted to go back to work. It was my way of "getting out" even for just a few hours. I worked nights, pt and full time at one point or another. I also ran a home daycare where the other kids kept difficult child interested enough that it wasn't as hard on me (but the job WAS - 11 hrs a day for 5 days a week, keeping house immaculate and asking for daycare fees!)

    I've just joined a gym and I'm working out 4 days/week. I also went back to school last year. husband has HAD to pick up the slack giving me more time for "me". But this is after YEARS of being the one and only for difficult child........I found it too hard to leave her when she was younger.
  8. navineja

    navineja New Member

    I am there with you, Davey327. I homeschool my twins, and while in the big picture it is better than things were in public school, there is still no "me time". And when they are both having issues (again, better than when they were 5, but still no picnic), it just seems like it will never end.
    I really can't offer any advice right now, just true empathy. Been there, done that, still there, still doing that!
    When I just feel like throwing my hands up and calling biomom to come and get them (or putting them on a plane back), I remember something that their therapist told me once. "Do you want to do the easy thing or the right thing?" Simple words, but it really helps me to get thru the rough times when I think about how truly right it is to protect such precious little ones from the things that they could be continuing to suffer if we did not take them in and love them. (I know that "precious" is not the word most of us would use to describe most of their behaviors, but we would also agree that they do have their moments!)
    I know that so many things can increase the stress and that when that happens, even the little issues that the kids have seem huge but hang in there. We are all with you!
  9. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Just out of curiosity......if you cannot adopt these children I assume you are foster parents to them.

    There should be respite services & the like for you if that is the case. It's important to keep your batteries recharged.

    The worst thing in placement of troubled children can be burn out. These kids test us past the norm ~ it's walking a tight rope most days. When your dealing with multiples it's practically insane.

    Please check with county social services or whoever placed these children in your home for help - in home or out of home respite. Anything to keep your brain from leaking out of your ears.;)
  10. compassion

    compassion Member

    I homeshcool and my husband is goon ten hours a day : it used to be 12 before we moved to town. Here is what I do for me:
    1. I take a 45 minute bath daily with epsom salts and essential oils (lavnder is great relaxer and smells great), I read my Bible each day, I have Al-Anonlit I also read at this time.
    2. I insist on a miday rest time. I eat/read the paper and relax.
    3. I read each day, something I want: I enjoy NYT, newsmags,local paper and USA Today.
    4. I get on thsi forum every day. I post everyday about what is happenidn andpost on other ones too.
    5. I read experince, strenth and hope from Al-Anon lists. I am on Awkeings and T-Step.
    6. I practice HALT. (Donot get too hungry, angry,lonely or tired) I eat decetly, I egive me down time to process my feelings, I connect mostly online. I do go to one face to face Al-Anon meeting , on Sunday afternoons.
    7. I get massages 2-3 times a month.
    8. I get chiropractic adjustments twice a month.